New song writer looking for critiques.. Please be as brutal as possible!!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Neon Thoughts
  • Start date Start date
N

Neon Thoughts

New member
https://soundcloud.com/neon-thoughts/cantsaveher


Mind you im no singer just a writer so dont mind my mediocre attmpt at singing lol.. i wrote this song from the good guy that dated the good girl turned bad girls perspective...Sad but a relief that shes off his hands.... critique away



She move like the breeze yea...
But breeze can make a hurricane/
So I guess I'll call her katrina/
I can't think of another name/
She far gone so far gone/
Never make it right if your doing wrong/
Had to save myself/
Had to ignore any way I felt/

(chorus) 2x
so I can't save her/
Her souls Been gone too long/
I played my part/
I gave my heart/
And she still did me wrong/


She long gone, she so long gone/
came a long way from high school with them poms poms/
I used to be the one she called on/
But now she's calling on the wrong one/
I'm done wit it been through it all/
Had fun wit it now I'm movin on/
She was bad luck, liked to act up/
type of chick to milk you dry to your last buck/
and Everynight she do the damn thang/
She live a fast life full of champagne/
Always wanna come and smoke your weed up/
An she ain't paid none of her rent in over 3 months/

(chorus) 2x
so I can't save her/
Her souls Been gone too long/
I played my part/
I gave my heart/
And she still did me wrong/

(bridge)
I can't save her ....no no/
Gotta treat her like a stranger .....yea yea/
She used to be a good girl/
Now she livin in that hood world/
I gave All my time/
Try to treat her right did it on my dime/
Now I don't even answer/
Had to cut it off like cancer/

(chorus) 2x
so I can't save her/
Her souls Been gone too long/
I played my part/
I gave my heart/
And she still did me wrong/
 
Last edited:
Jimmy....you banned him too quick....I was all set to be as brutal as possible, now it's not going to be as much fun without his sophomoric respones. :(

:D

I got as far as...

She move like the breeze yea...
But breeze can make a hurricane/
So I guess I'll call her katrina/
I can't think of another name/
She far gone so far gone/

...and that was enough for me.

If that really was Barry....then listening to that, all the other stuff he's ever talked about was put into a new perspective. :yawn:
Kinda weird though, the stuff that Barry C posted links to a couple of days ago, it was a white dude singing lame Americana stuff....now we have a black dude singing lame beats stuff.

Wait....is Barry like a Michael Jackson in reverse....a white guy turning into a black guy????
 
miroslav said:
Jimmy....you banned him too quick....I was all set to be as brutal as possible, now it's not going to be as much fun without his sophomoric respones. :(

:D

I got as far as...

She move like the breeze yea...
But breeze can make a hurricane/
So I guess I'll call her katrina/
I can't think of another name/
She far gone so far gone/

...and that was enough for me.

If that really was Barry....then listening to that, all the other stuff he's ever talked about was put into a new perspective. :yawn:
Kinda weird though, the stuff that Barry C posted links to a couple of days ago, it was a white dude singing lame Americana stuff....now we have a black dude singing lame beats stuff.

Wait....is Barry like a Michael Jackson in reverse....a white guy turning into a black guy????
Click to expand...

LOL! Maybe I was wrong... Guess we will see. Either way, Neon stepped over the line on another thread. We shall see who complains I suppose.
 
Barry is a troll. This is what he does. Nothing about him is real or legit.
 
Is it time for more episodes of the worlds favorite game show- "Taunt the Troll"?
 
bongoboy said:
Is it time for more episodes of the worlds favorite game show- "Taunt the Troll"?
Click to expand...

Not unless the troll comes out from under the bridge and sneaks past me. lol!

It is just sad that people can't just spend their time learning from others. I don't get people that just have nothing better to do than argue. Hell, I barely have time to sleep. Definitely no time to argue for the sake of arguing BS.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top