New Song - Start a War

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BenignVanilla

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Hey all, here is a track for some critique. I think the tune is done, I just wanted to get your feedback to see what you thought, before we upload to tunecore.com.

Shoebucket - Start a War
 
Do all Shoebucket tracks start with reallllllly long spoken word samples?

I almost didn't get to the music... I mean, a whole minute?

Once again, the guitars are the problem IMO - in particular the fuzz one that goes all the way through... wipes out a lot of the other bits... sounds like a Metal Zone pedal... I'd wind it back a bit.

And, to be blunt, the singing is really pitchy, past the point of fashionably low-fi don't-give-a-fuck post-punk to needs-to-be-retracked, I'd say...

Just my $0.02 - feel free to disagree... like the other one better...
 
The demo works well.
the main track intro is too long & doesn't really hold interest or advance the concept more than a few seconds would. You hope for too much from most listeners.
The bass drum (?) is off rhythm and sounds like a nail gun into a watermelon under a tarp 2 houses away.
the fuzz guitar is too shrill - not mid or bottom end.
I have a good idea!!! Focus on the song, wrapped in the acoustic guitar with some electric guitar that is from a good amp sim or a well mic'd cab of a cranked valve amp with some on the money drumming.
THEN
& only then
Experiment with some augmentation/psychedelic touches to add interest & advance the narrative.
The basic song is really good but you throw distractions IN THE WAY.
Flaming Lips et al don't allow their fetishes or experimentation to get in the way of the song - it took FL a while to work that out but they did.
 
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What the hell is that banging sound? It's terrible, distracting, and unnecessary. I'm guessing this is a "message" song? I'm sorry to say that the message got killed with the too-long intro, bad sounds, and poor performances. I think the acoustic sounds decent. The electric guitar sounds atrocious. The drums need cleaning up and a tighter performance. The vocals play in the mix well, but they're weak and pitchy. I don't see how you can say "this track is done" and put it up for human consumption at Tunecore. It's far from home, to my ears.
 
I think the old tape section at the beginning is too long. for a pop song stuff like that should be no more than 10 seconds, if that.

I liked the acoustic guitar sound, although when the other instruments kick in all I can hear from it is its high end. The vocal sound was OK too. A pitchy note or two. the vocals get covered by the instruments.

The distorted guitar sound has too much gain on it. It becomes thin and fizzy and tough to hear in the mix.

I didn't think the banging things were horrible, they remind me of an army marching off to war (and keep with your theme). But I'd stop them as soon as soon as the instruments start (or quickly thereafter).
 
The recording is a bit of a disaster but I've hear much worse. The overall tune has good structure you just need to tighten everything up and do a better mix. Like others have said (Greg) the performance is lacking. Practice, practice, practice. I wouldn't get discouraged, keep working on it and I think you'll have a good song. The intro though, bad, too long. I don't want to feel like someone is reading a book to me when I'm expecting to listen to music.
 
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