So it's just you then? Well that can work both ways - the advantage is you can visualise exactly what you want to do without having to deal with others, the disadvantage is unless you're really good at everything you might be limiting your options.
Work with your strengths, I reckon...
Sounds like your original entree into music was via drums - so go with that. Seriously, that little skip beat in the last 3 or 4 seconds changed my whole opinion of the song and the person playing it because it was unusual..
A lot of great bands had great drummers who added more to the songs than just rhythm - The Who for instance - I love their hits but most of their album stuff bores me because I don't think Townsend was all that knowledgable a guitarist and only occasionally struck gold with his combinations (so shoot me!) - but you hear a lot of interesting Keith Moon flailing in all the "wrong" places (according to popular theory) - he's always doing interesting stuff behind Daltrey's singing and keeping it simple when there's no singing... adds to the tension. The Police - Stewart Copeland's drumming made that band in my opinion - no-one's every really drummed exactly like that before or since in pop/rock - so you can add lots of interesting stuff via drumming if you're not super confident on guitar / bass / keys etc. being my point...
And you don't sound like a "lamer" version of anyone, but it does sound a little formulaic.
OK, if you're in the market for feedback, let me delve deeper. This is all just my opinion, so take it as you will:
So the first 20 seconds repeats the same 2 bars 4 times... it's bog standard pop song opening structure and I just know at the end of the fourth time you're about to start singing because I've heard a million songs do exactly the same thing... so there's nothing there that actually grabs the listener - if they don't like your melody (and there's nothing wrong with it but it's also just a standard guitar chord pick out) you could maybe crash to a stop on beat 1 of bar 8, do an interesting drum fill and then onto the singing bit.
Alternatively you could layer a different guitar melody over repetitions 2 and 4 of the intro - that would keep people wondering - or do both...
At about 0.45 when you're launching into the second verse, I would stop the guitar melody - drop it out - it's a simple melody and it gets played a lot in the song, so it's not there in the first verse, play it once in between and leave it out of the second... and change up the drumming in between the verses... do that little shuffly thing from the end... it will just keep people focused... "don't go away... something good's coming"
Keep the second section the way it is with the melody happening over the fourth verse (I assume you're following my counting here...). Consider not having the fourth verse at all... as launching back into the chorus will be a bit of surprise...
At 2.40 you go into a bridge section and the style of melody changes.. good, but there's an opportunity here to add something different to give it a diffferent texture... maybe another siimpler melody at a lower pitch with a dirty humbucker pickup over in the left side to tie it down a bit - it's suffering from a bit of over sweetness at this stage (again IMHO).
Mix your cymbals a bit differently... I was going to suggest you stop beating on the hi hats in the chorus and bridge, then I realised that you had, in fact, switched to ride... which is what I would have suggested... but you can't really tell from the mix, so the textural change is somewhat diluted...
At 3.00 as I said earlier - a real opportunity to inject something different in that little instrumental bit... hit some toms or something and consider again another guitar part, perhaps in the second half only of each bar, and changing each bar - doesn't have to be anything too difficult...
In the ending from 3.37, consider a call / response vocal addition rather than a harmony - "I'm calling out your name (I'm calling out your name) nobody's there..." - that sort of thing...
Good double pumping of the drums at the end as I've already said.
There you go... detailed feedback - take it or leave it, but I think you have the bones of a good song there, you just need to differentiate it a little from everyone else's...
Good luck!
<- That's me.
