new song - "Betrayed" (lyrics opinions?)

[icystorm]

Hi all,

I'm interested in your opinions of my lyrics, good or bad.

Here is the backing track demo (no vocals)...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=787980&songID=6643117

and a brief demo of the chorus only (with vocals)...

http://www.box.net/shared/qysa9nm040

Cheers,
Joseph (icystorm)

------------

Betrayed

Words and music by: Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.1, Acoustica Mixcraft 4.1, and Audacity 1.3

verse 1

Today has come a day too soon
and it's too hard to face
How do we save the world we made
or turn and walk away
It's hard to know
was your heart ever mine
You're letting go
Was I just a waste of time

chorus

The sky pours and all of Hell knows
It's harder to hide
From the goodbye in your eyes
Made for the one betrayed tonight
I'm still yours and all the Gods know
It's harder to find
When all I knew in your eyes
Betrayed the one you loved tonight
Now you're not mine

verse 2

The way you signed your letters, love
The way you once held me
There's more to you in all you do
and through your eyes I see
When losing faith
There's a hope that dies
My heart still sees
past broken vows and lies

chorus

The sky pours and all of Hell knows
It's harder to hide
From the goodbye in your eyes
Made for the one betrayed tonight
I'm still yours and all the Gods know
It's harder to find
When all I knew in your eyes
Betrayed the one you loved tonight
Now you're not mine

chorus

The sky pours and all of Hell knows
It's harder to hide
From the goodbye in your eyes
Made for the one betrayed tonight
I'm still yours and all the Gods know
It's harder to find
When all I knew in your eyes
Betrayed the one you loved tonight

(repeat chorus through fade)

 

[icystorm]

I added vocals. It's still just an unpolished demo and it needs lots of work.

Comments welcomed.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...songID=6643117

Higher resolution version: http://www.box.net/shared/6z0i0koow4

Betrayed

Words and music by: Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.1, Acoustica Mixcraft 4.1, and Audacity 1.3

verse 1

The day has come a day too soon
and it's too hard to face
How do we save the world we made
or turn and walk away
It's hard to know
was your heart ever mine
You're letting go
Was our love a waste of time

chorus

The sky pours and all of Hell knows
It's harder to hide
From the goodbye in your eyes
Made for the one betrayed tonight
I'm still yours and all the Gods know
It's harder to find
When all I knew in your eyes
Betrayed the one you loved tonight
Now you're not mine

verse 2

The way you signed your letters, love
The way you once held me
There's more to you in all you do
Now through your eyes I see
When losing faith
There's a hope that dies
My heart still sees
past broken vows and lies

chorus

The sky pours and all of Hell knows
It's harder to hide
From the goodbye in your eyes
Made for the one betrayed tonight
I'm still yours and all the Gods know
It's harder to find
When all I knew in your eyes
Betrayed the one you loved tonight
Now you're not mine

chorus

The sky pours and all of Hell knows
It's harder to hide
From the goodbye in your eyes
Made for the one betrayed tonight
I'm still yours and all the Gods know
It's harder to find
When all I knew in your eyes
Betrayed the one you loved tonight

(repeat chorus through fade)

 

[rayc]

icy,
Another I commented on in MP3 land.
Good melody, good lyrics, too much effect on your voice but that's an attempt to disguise it I assume.
I'd swap life for world but apart from that it works.