New lyrics, critique please! "Better, Not."

[Strat Man]

Just finished them, their is a musical accompaniment, I'll put up an acoustic version at some point...

Better, Not.

Oh, just so strung out
We're mildly confused, didn't know where to turn
Oh we are, just slightly passed
Knowing what is right from here,
Think of something, oh well. just make it up

You're not lying for your head here
Soon be crying out for someone to compare

Oh well - It better not fit

So, just drag your feet
Knowing no one will say anything, happy in our subtlys
But, no, dig in, dig in, dig. in.
You know what is best for you
Think of something, oh well. just make it up

You're not lying for your head here
Soon be crying out for someone to compare

To a silent time cross your eyes
Lifes slight movement, modern times
Your uptopia of meager desires
Well you've got the best of me, right

Had better not fit

You're not lying for your head here
Soon be crying out for someone to compare
Had better not fit
Soon be crying out for someone to compare

Then you're better off dead.

 

[Monkey Allen]

I guess it's kind of uplifting.

Like to hear it though.

 

[ido1957]

I'm not getting much of a story from the song. However, that is just my preference. I can see/hear this as a statement about your feelings, in a non story way.....declarative not narrative. Would like to hear the music to this....to complete the whole song.....

 

[up-fiddler]

I agree with IDOL1957. This song seems very personal rather than universal. Don't get the wrong idea and think that all music needs universal appeal. (That would be boring indeed.) It is simply more difficult for me to evaulate a song that I don't relate to on some level.

I think that the emotional attachment you express in this song is a strong and powerful one. If that translates into the music you have for it then you may have something very good here. Keep writing.