Need help with a chorus

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The Prospekt

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Where the spaces are the chorus will go please be honest and tell if the song is good or not

Verses:

If your lost and feel alone
If your down and feeling low
There's a love that's there to hold
To help you not feel alone

And the way you seem to go
Feels as if it were wrong
Along with things that lose control
You also seem to go

If your lost and feeling scared
If it feels like no ones there
There's someone to hold your hand
To take away what has you scared
 
I'd say without hearing any music with it, it's sorta......meh.... Basically each verse says the same thing:

If you feel shitty
There is something
To make you not feel shitty.

Well, actually, that would be the 1st and 3rd verse. The middle verse really doesn't make much sense at all.

Now, as I said, that's just my impressions without music. There are plenty of very popular - even good - songs with way worse lyrics.

I'd try to say something a little less generic. Instead of "feeling lost and low" or whatever, specify a particular situation that makes the subject feel that way.

When your dog has been hit by a truck
and the casino's stole all your luck
There will be a love to hold you
and you'll no longer give a fuck.

you know, something like that.
 
andyhix said:
When your dog has been hit by a truck
and the casino's stole all your luck
There will be a love to hold you
and you'll no longer give a fuck.
Click to expand...

now those are some lyrics a giddy 15 year old girl would get mushy over.
 
If you stay with the current storyline I would add a chorus that provides contrast and describes EXACTLY what it is that will make life worth living and I would do it without using the word 'love'. :eek:

Of course, the Beatles didn't do too badly with "All You Need Is Love" come to think of it. :D

Good luck
 
Songwriting

It's very difficult to analyze your POEM without some musical background to know whether it is, in fact, a SONG. I'm sure there are several helpful contributors who would assist you, but without having some idea of a melody and background, we have no idea of what you are looking for, or the actual mood you wish to express.

It's possible you have a top ten hit on your hands, but without music, all we look at is poetry.

I don't mean to slam you, but song writing involves much more than words. Let us hear what you have so far, and we can take it from there with comments.
 
oooo i get u guys ur saying that in order to really have your input u have to hear the song.....i will post the song later
 
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