Need advice on the songwriting in my songs

[14yearoldkid]

i did the recording all over again its still no that good but plz comment on the song and u could make fun of the recording if u want lolol
thanks for listening
later

here u go ..................

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/bryanandrademusic.htm

 

[kylosius]

it helps if you post lyrics if want to get comments about the songwriting.