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Vendors Quietly Selling Analog Machines to Select Clientele so as Not to Alarm a Clueless Recording Industry Happily Buying Their Bread & Butter Digital Crap!
By Disassociated Press Writer: Wolfe Stone
Companies such as Studer, Otari, Tascam and Sony have been secretly making analog multi-tracks for industry insiders who keep the manufacturers under threat of exposing their inferior digital products. Manufacturers have up to this point been safe in a society that is no longer taught advanced math concepts in the public schools, so cannot figure it out for themselves.
Trycho Music International let the cat out of the bag earlier this year, angering Otari officials by posting information on the Internet where anyone could see it. 10-year-old Tammy Tinsdale of New Castle Indiana reported, “Trycho keeps moving the link to the recorder machines, but we keep finding it back.”
The revelations threaten to blow the lid off a thriving digital recording industry, which is dependant on cheap parts, outsourced slave labor, consumer ignorance, a tone-deaf public, and the fact that most humans have been born without souls since 1984.
Otari spokeswoman Rosie Yamamoto said, “We know it would take a few big players they respect to just flat out tell them before they got a clue, and that’s what we’re afraid of. So far we’ve been able to keep them quiet by making real recording equipment for them behind the scenes. The only one we couldn’t buy or kill is Steve Albini from Chicago, Illinois.”
The U.S. Congress and British Parliament are planning hearings to determine how long President Bush and Prime Minister Blair have known about the cover-up and what they should have done about it. Democrat Dale Nessbit (speaking on condition of anonymity) expressed relief, “We welcome this Analog vs. Digital distraction. Frankly, we’re running out of bullshit to pretend to be outraged about. Even common people are beginning to tire of the usual political fare. We’re talkin’ lifelong union members questioning authority, for Christ sakes! My inbox is full of angry letters. It’s frightening.”
Republican Antonio passmethejelly agreed, saying, “This clearly goes back to the Clinton administration because that’s when young people started wearing baggy shorts cut below the knee. My grandfather wore shorts like that in the 1950’s with black socks and loafers. It looks ridiculous and it’s time we got to the bottom of it.”
The World Health Organization (WHO) confirmed that they have recently elevated wardrobe and other cultural conditions, including taste in music, from fad to chronic disease status.
The Reverend Al Sharpton, representing rapper T Snot Puppy, said on Larry King Live, “All this time we thought the music was bad because of a mass neurosis caused by NutraSweet in baby food, and the fact that today’s youth can’t sing or play real instruments. But once again we see The Man is keeping us down. It shouldn’t sound this bad, and I mean it’s really, really bad, and tape couldn’t hurt, I guess.”
Calls to Trycho were not returned, nor was our down payment for a Model MX-5050 BIII we sent in January.
By Disassociated Press Writer: Wolfe Stone
Companies such as Studer, Otari, Tascam and Sony have been secretly making analog multi-tracks for industry insiders who keep the manufacturers under threat of exposing their inferior digital products. Manufacturers have up to this point been safe in a society that is no longer taught advanced math concepts in the public schools, so cannot figure it out for themselves.
Trycho Music International let the cat out of the bag earlier this year, angering Otari officials by posting information on the Internet where anyone could see it. 10-year-old Tammy Tinsdale of New Castle Indiana reported, “Trycho keeps moving the link to the recorder machines, but we keep finding it back.”
The revelations threaten to blow the lid off a thriving digital recording industry, which is dependant on cheap parts, outsourced slave labor, consumer ignorance, a tone-deaf public, and the fact that most humans have been born without souls since 1984.
Otari spokeswoman Rosie Yamamoto said, “We know it would take a few big players they respect to just flat out tell them before they got a clue, and that’s what we’re afraid of. So far we’ve been able to keep them quiet by making real recording equipment for them behind the scenes. The only one we couldn’t buy or kill is Steve Albini from Chicago, Illinois.”
The U.S. Congress and British Parliament are planning hearings to determine how long President Bush and Prime Minister Blair have known about the cover-up and what they should have done about it. Democrat Dale Nessbit (speaking on condition of anonymity) expressed relief, “We welcome this Analog vs. Digital distraction. Frankly, we’re running out of bullshit to pretend to be outraged about. Even common people are beginning to tire of the usual political fare. We’re talkin’ lifelong union members questioning authority, for Christ sakes! My inbox is full of angry letters. It’s frightening.”
Republican Antonio passmethejelly agreed, saying, “This clearly goes back to the Clinton administration because that’s when young people started wearing baggy shorts cut below the knee. My grandfather wore shorts like that in the 1950’s with black socks and loafers. It looks ridiculous and it’s time we got to the bottom of it.”
The World Health Organization (WHO) confirmed that they have recently elevated wardrobe and other cultural conditions, including taste in music, from fad to chronic disease status.
The Reverend Al Sharpton, representing rapper T Snot Puppy, said on Larry King Live, “All this time we thought the music was bad because of a mass neurosis caused by NutraSweet in baby food, and the fact that today’s youth can’t sing or play real instruments. But once again we see The Man is keeping us down. It shouldn’t sound this bad, and I mean it’s really, really bad, and tape couldn’t hurt, I guess.”
Calls to Trycho were not returned, nor was our down payment for a Model MX-5050 BIII we sent in January.
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