Just thought I'd publish this here ;D

[TheAddicted]

Hey guys, just thought I'd post some lyrics here and maybe get some help/critique.

(Verse)
You came home drunk
Like the night before
I kicked you out
And now you're at my door

(Prechorus)
But the sound of your voice
The look in your eyes
Your lovely words
Your filthy lies

(Chorus)
You make me feel loved
For the very first time
The way you scream my name
Leaves me wondering why

You make me feel loved
For the very first time
The way you scream my name
Makes me think that you're mine

(Verse)
Pack up your junk
You're leaving tonight
Can't stand your shit
And you know that I'm right

(Prechorus)
(Chorus x2)

(Bridge)
So we fight
We break up
We still try
To move on
And you can't
No you can't
Yeah we can't
Just say

(Chorus)
That you make me feel loved
For the very first time
The way you scream my name
Leaves me wondering why

You make me feel loved
For the very first time
The way you scream my name
Makes me think that you're
Mine.

That's pretty much the entire song, kind of like a pop-punk/post-hardcore kind of beat.

Thing is, I didn't think of chords yet (well.. I did but still trying to perfect the song)
Plan is to first write chords, then the melody based off the chords.
So if anyone has a suggestion about key/chords you're more than welcome to help

As for the lyrics, you judge.
I think I did a pretty good job

 

[Bugz McNair]

Nice song lyrics. One thing I noticed, though, was "Makes me wondering why." It isn't how you would say that. ''Leaves me wondering why,'' is what I would change it to, unless that was intentional.

 

[TheAddicted]

Well, I knew it was a mistake, but couldn't find another way to say it.
Must say, I DID NOT consider that and it sounds much better. So thank you very much ^^

 

[Bugz McNair]

No problem! I'd love to hear the song once it's finished. While I was reading it, it sounded like a pop punk song in my head, so you definitely accomplished what you were going for! Good work!

 

[TheAddicted]

Ohh thank you very much!
But I'm pretty sure it will take a while until I record it.

 

[Prunepicker]

Songs have words?

Why?

Wouldn't they get in the way of the music?

 

[ido1957]

After first read I thought - hmmm you kicked them out now they make you feel loved? It felt a little confusing. "For the first time" too that was a little different - I would think it would be when you first met you first felt loved.
Other than that bit of confusion on my part it is extremely "tight" rhythmically when you read it. This should make the rest of the build come together quickly.
Suggestion - figure out the melody for the vocals (based on range) then do the chords so you get the optimum vocal performance. Don't limit yourself by choosing chords that are easy or fun to play but are too high or too low for the voice.