I
imotic
DAW DIY Guy
i was going out with a girl who is extremely smart and extremely confident, and she'd never let you know if she had a moment where she was unsure of herself... if she ever had a moment of self doubt, she wasn't going to let that 'weakness' show. but going out with her and getting to know the sides of her that no one else gets to see, i saw behind her armor, so to speak.
when i was first singing this to my drummer and he was hearing the lyrics for the first time, the opening lines brought up an image of me calling her out as insincere- as if to say "you give off this aura of confidence, but you have the same insecurities as the rest of us, you big faker." but i was going in a different direction- i appreciate her too much as a person, and identify with her need to show no weakness, that it became more of a pleading "don't hide from me, let me in, and let yourself come out."
we're recording this now, and i've been kind of lax in putting the finishing touches on the lyrics, so i'm posting this for both overall comments and any suggestions anyone has for tweaks to existing lines or suggestions for missing ones. because we don't have it recorded yet, i did manage to record a quick and dirty piano version of the song, where the piano melody is actually what the vocal melody should be.
as far as sound goes, you can figure a little bit from that piano mp3, but it's going to be a lot louder with drums and bass (we don't have a guitar). i think the song might be a little evanescence-esque, but i've loved songs with a mostly major scale/minor 6th ever since alanis morissette's "uninvited" for the city of angels soundtrack. (that kind of chordal/modal structure has to predate alanis, but i can't think of any previous examples offhand?)
VERSE
i've seen behind your armor
i know you're flesh and bone
i know you shiver when it's cold outside
and you're a long, long way from home
you might seem indestructible
but i've washed your achilles heel
i've seen you smile when your heart hits the ground
it's an act, it's a lie, it's not real
PRE-CHORUS
so won't you come out of your shell, my love
won't you come out and play
open your heart, let the world tear apart
let the sun bleach your skin today, now
CHORUS
hey now, this is the reason
this is the season to find a way out
hey now, hey now
this is the lifetime
you've got a lifetime to figure it out
VERSE
i've seen behind your armor
i've seen inside your soul
i know you dream with your eyes open wide
i've watched you lose control
(these next 4 lines need to be replaced)
(you might seem indestructible
but i've washed your achilles heel
i've seen you smile when your heart hits the ground
it's an act, it's a lie, it's not real)
PRE-CHORUS
won't you come out of your shell, my love
won't you come out and play
the world is still waiting, anticipating (or, "open your world, let it all come unfurled"? not sure if i like that at all)
(i need a line that ends in a word that rhymes with "play"!)
BRIDGE
(i'm guessing it might be hard to figure out how these fit into the piano melody, but these are all iambic phrases, with a pause or two for breath)
i know there's more inside of you
must be a way to tear it out
[breath] rip it out
and wear your heart right on your sleeve
i know, you say it's easy
it's oh so hard now
(i need to repeat that same rhythm again, 6 more lines of bridge)
CHORUS x2
well that's the song... i know that some people say that if you can't think of more lines to say right away, that's a good sign that your song is already done and you just don't know it... but i feel like there's more that needs saying, (especially) the bridge doesn't quite tie together yet, and it doesn't sound right with parts missing or shortened... and the drummer has already recorded his part already.
so any feedback (be as critical or as suggestive as you'd like) is great. thanks.
when i was first singing this to my drummer and he was hearing the lyrics for the first time, the opening lines brought up an image of me calling her out as insincere- as if to say "you give off this aura of confidence, but you have the same insecurities as the rest of us, you big faker." but i was going in a different direction- i appreciate her too much as a person, and identify with her need to show no weakness, that it became more of a pleading "don't hide from me, let me in, and let yourself come out."
we're recording this now, and i've been kind of lax in putting the finishing touches on the lyrics, so i'm posting this for both overall comments and any suggestions anyone has for tweaks to existing lines or suggestions for missing ones. because we don't have it recorded yet, i did manage to record a quick and dirty piano version of the song, where the piano melody is actually what the vocal melody should be.
as far as sound goes, you can figure a little bit from that piano mp3, but it's going to be a lot louder with drums and bass (we don't have a guitar). i think the song might be a little evanescence-esque, but i've loved songs with a mostly major scale/minor 6th ever since alanis morissette's "uninvited" for the city of angels soundtrack. (that kind of chordal/modal structure has to predate alanis, but i can't think of any previous examples offhand?)
VERSE
i've seen behind your armor
i know you're flesh and bone
i know you shiver when it's cold outside
and you're a long, long way from home
you might seem indestructible
but i've washed your achilles heel
i've seen you smile when your heart hits the ground
it's an act, it's a lie, it's not real
PRE-CHORUS
so won't you come out of your shell, my love
won't you come out and play
open your heart, let the world tear apart
let the sun bleach your skin today, now
CHORUS
hey now, this is the reason
this is the season to find a way out
hey now, hey now
this is the lifetime
you've got a lifetime to figure it out
VERSE
i've seen behind your armor
i've seen inside your soul
i know you dream with your eyes open wide
i've watched you lose control
(these next 4 lines need to be replaced)
(you might seem indestructible
but i've washed your achilles heel
i've seen you smile when your heart hits the ground
it's an act, it's a lie, it's not real)
PRE-CHORUS
won't you come out of your shell, my love
won't you come out and play
the world is still waiting, anticipating (or, "open your world, let it all come unfurled"? not sure if i like that at all)
(i need a line that ends in a word that rhymes with "play"!)
BRIDGE
(i'm guessing it might be hard to figure out how these fit into the piano melody, but these are all iambic phrases, with a pause or two for breath)
i know there's more inside of you
must be a way to tear it out
[breath] rip it out
and wear your heart right on your sleeve
i know, you say it's easy
it's oh so hard now
(i need to repeat that same rhythm again, 6 more lines of bridge)
CHORUS x2
well that's the song... i know that some people say that if you can't think of more lines to say right away, that's a good sign that your song is already done and you just don't know it... but i feel like there's more that needs saying, (especially) the bridge doesn't quite tie together yet, and it doesn't sound right with parts missing or shortened... and the drummer has already recorded his part already.
so any feedback (be as critical or as suggestive as you'd like) is great. thanks.