Jenny Jones. New song

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Robus

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Here's a new original song. I posted a rough version on the S&C forum back in the summer. Thanks to those who commented. The struggle has been balancing the various vocal tracks and getting them to sit in the mix. Here's where it stands at the moment. All comments welcome: mix, composition, performance, etc.



Jenny Jones

Look now, the night outside is morning
And the stars we counted, they done left us behind
I don’t mean to say that it's over
You take the morning train
I’ll plot another day

And baby I love the way you talk to me
Of those things that you’ve seen in this here world
That I ain’t seen
But underneath a voice comes whispering
Of those feelings that cannot be nor rest at ease

I’ll find the last frontier and guard my shadow there
Jenny Jones she calls and waves her blond and salty hair

And I been traveling more than I should do
You know the mortgage got heavy
Hurts got easy and words got harder
Forgetting who we were was easier than remembering
You take the house and car
I’ll have the photographs

Jenny Jones, Jenny Jones
She’s the sum of all my dreams
Jenny Jones,
That don’t mean a thing if they ain’t real
Jenny Jones, she's the prize, the star
Right out of reach
She fooled me once and blew away our hearts

And it don’t get easy
You take my girl dog
Call my name when you throw the ball

And baby I love the way you talk to me
Of those things that you’ve seen in this here world
That I can’t see
But underneath a voice comes whispering
Of those feelings that cannot be nor rest at ease

I’ll find the last frontier and guard my shadow there
Jenny Jones she calls and waves her blond and salty hair

Jenny Jones, Jenny Jones.

(Words and music, Ray Taylor 2015)
 
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First I'll say that I am certainly not one of the experts around here. I am just starting and weak in many respects. Even so, I can contribute by telling you what I hear.

Lots of discussion of late regarding the blind leading the blind, but some day soon I will be putting something up here, and I don't care how blind the responders are, I think at my level I could improve even with lame comments from some other handicapped folk. In no way implying that you are one of them... Hopefully you will get some good advice from the more seasoned recordists around here.

Robus, to me, this tune in some ways is a little reminiscent of Seals and Crofts. That's good. What I'm hearing on my 5" Tannoys is first that the musicianship is very good. The drums are too loud and the lead vocal too soft. I understand that with this song the vocal is nearly whispered and you probably want to retain that feel, but I think you need to bring down the volume of all the instrumentation a good notch, and bring down the drums a notch and a half. I would like to hear the lyric more clearly. I'm probably wrong but I think bringing the levels of instrumentation down, rather than just raising the vocal volume might be a better approach.

To be honest, the content of lyric, to me, is a not worthy of the musical bed you have laid it on. That said, to each his reach, and if you are happy with it, and it has meaning to you, then it's good! Good luck with this piece!
 
I like the way all the instruments blend together - very floaty and organic, musical.

I don't really have any suggestions. I listened to it a few times and I dig it.
 
Vocals up!

I'd also see if I could put a bit of top end back into the snare - the tune overall is a bit dark.

I'd take a bit of reverb off everything that has it on it... just a touch... I'd high pass the backing vocals a bit, the keys a little, the main voice a little, the guitars a touch, especially the incidental ones... I'd also sweep the mid frequency over the main voice track/s and see if could find a nice frequency to bump up a bit that will make the vocal pop out a little - all of these things, to my ears, would "lighten" the mix a bit. A light hand on them all though, but worth a play around.

I'd let your final hi hat sample (I'm assuming) actually ring out to the end. The drums are a bit robotic - could use some work.

Not exactly my current "thing" musically, but I can appreciate the craft in the playing. Very good.

I'll also say, that I don't think you've found your voice yet... sounds a little soft / timid still - or maybe this is not quite sitting well in your range. Something. My tendency would be to back off the mic a bit and push it out a bit harder. If it feels uncomfortable, dose yourself up with your favourite de-inhibitor first. :D I used to get really good takes after a couple of glasses of red wine myself, when I was not quite sure what I was doing and whether anyone really wanted to hear me sing, which is where, mentally, I suspect you still are.

But we do. And you can. So arc it up a little next time, is my advice.

Hope this is useful and I wasn't too, what did you say? ... "blunt" this time! :D I'll keep an eye out and see how it ends up. Great name, "Jenny Jones" BTW.:thumbs up:
 
Thanks all. And thanks for the specific suggestions, Armistice. I'll take well-intentioned criticism gladly, and the blunter the better. I learned long ago not to get my ego too invested. I think there's another take to go for the vocals. The verse parts are working toward the bottom of my range. I tried out some higher lines but, melodically, I just liked these better. There are some low notes that bring out the gravelly texture of my middle-aged vocal cords--probably too much of that de-inhibitor in my misspent youth... ;)

I'll post another mix bringing up the vocals and lowering the drums, then maybe another vocal take next week.
 
Good song Robus....sounds like a song you have in the background when trying to talk a girl into bed with you lol. I like your voice on this...adds to the mood of it. Agree that they may need to be brought up a little. Some lyrics are a little hard to make out but it I think that's ok. I think drums are at an ok level and they flow with the bass very well, but the guitar on the left starting around 1:00 mark needs to be brought down. Great job.
 
I think I might try bringing the guitars down and the vocal up. Sounds nice and clear to me, enjoyable song with lots of nice delicate touches. Really like the guitars in the bridge.
 
More vocal = particularly the first few syllables.
Drums are too loud at present - they seem to make the largest chunk of problems. Both the internal mix of the kit and the relative levels.
The playing is really cool as is the arrangement.
 
Thanks for the comments. Really helpful. I posted a new mix in the OP. I brought the vocals up and the drums down. I made some of the processing changes that Armistice suggested, reducing reverb and high-passing here and there to cut the mud. I did a few EQ tweaks on the snare, hats and rides to brighten them up, although I feel it is still a dark mix. However, you reach a limit when it comes to EQing sampled drum sounds. Why not just find some other drum sounds that are brighter to begin with? That's probably where I'm heading. I'll need to audition some samples and see what might work better in this mix.

Okay, bass? I need objectivity here, because my natural tendency with all the songs I've been writing recently is to want to hear as much of that lovely (well, I think) Jazz bass tone as I can get away with. I'm pretty casual about my guitars, but tend to get invested in the bass. Hence the need for criticism. Too much, too little, too busy?

How do you like that keyboard patch? It's a kind of overdriven EP with a bit of a reverse delay on my old Korg Triton. You can really hear it in the bridge. I fricking love that patch--I'm addicted to it, in fact. It's on every song I've posted on the Clinic. But it is a bit dark, especially as I'm doing a fair amount of playing around middle C. Again, the need for objectivity. The right patch? Do I need something brighter? Could some parts be raised an octave to free up space in the midrange?

This mix is an incremental fix, I think. Ultimately, I'm going to re-track parts of the lead vocal, if not all of it. Singing a song 20 times seems to be what it takes to get me to a more confident delivery, and I haven't had the time yet.

Cheers.
 
The new one has a beautiful blend. I like the bass too, sounds kind of policey to me. In fact I don't know what's different but I'm finding a little bit of a police groove overall now. I think it's much improved.
 
I really thought that bass sounded cool. I thought the levels on everything was good. I like the guitar tones.

The vocal is nice and clear. Maybe a bit too big of a high-end/presence boost. It sounds just a bit hyped in the region. The delay is a little heavy. It contributes to the feel, but I would dry it up just a bit.

The snare is a bit thuddy. Kick sounds great. Cymbals sound OK - I could use a bit more sparkle on them.
 
Thanks. You've all heard my voice and what I have to work with. Most of the energy is in the lower frequencies, with thin highs and a tendency to sound gravelly at the bottom of my range. Can anyone suggest an LDC mic that would flatter my voice, say < $500?
 
Good song. I like the arrangement. I think the bass drum is a little too poppy for a soft tune like this. It should be a softer sound and be almost indistinguishable from the bass guitar Imo. So, I suggest some eq in that area. The sibilance of the vocal is loud enough but the body of the vocal isn't. Again, I think some Eq will remedy that and help it cut through without a volume level boost. nice performances Robus.
great tune
 
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