It's been a bit

[up-fiddler]

since anyone has posted new lyrics for review so I wrote these down. Feel free to fold, spindle, and mutilate in a constructive manner.

Get On With It All
Dave Morehouse c.2007

It’s cold. It’s raining.
Should stop complaining
And get on with it all.
Oh yeah.

Something’s missin’
I try to listen
But you never call.
Oh yeah.

Night comes to me alone.
I am longing for some rest.
I work to carry on
But don’t know what is best…..anymore.

And now it’s ended.
Solitude’s befriended
My waking hours.
Oh yeah.

Rest comes to me at last
The dark is tamed for now.
I can move ahead again
I simply don’t know how…..anymore.

It’s cold. It’s raining.
Should stop complaining
And get on with it all.
And get on with it all.
And get on with it all.
Oh yeah.

 

[ido1957]

Smooth - I like them. Can't say anything I would change. I like the way you introduce the title in the first verse then hold back to the end to repeat it...that's a unique approach...

Kind of a sad but happy song....lost but resolved in solitude....

 

[mjr]

Smooth - I like them. Can't say anything I would change. I like the way you introduce the title in the first verse then hold back to the end to repeat it...that's a unique approach...

Kind of a sad but happy song....lost but resolved in solitude....

I like the lyrics as well. The only real issue I have is the "Oh Yeah". It seems out of place.

 

[up-fiddler]

I like the lyrics as well. The only real issue I have is the "Oh Yeah". It seems out of place.

Thanks and reps to both for the nice thoughts and constructive comments. The "Oh yeah" is there to sort of convince the singer that what he/she is going through is fine. It sort of works and sort of doesn't....oh yeah. Thanks, again and keep writing.

 

[mjr]

Thanks and reps to both for the nice thoughts and constructive comments. The "Oh yeah" is there to sort of convince the singer that what he/she is going through is fine. It sort of works and sort of doesn't....oh yeah. Thanks, again and keep writing.

Based on that, why not change "Oh Yeah" to something like "It'll be okay" or "It'll be alright"?

 

[Nightfire]

I like the "oh yeah" and the "anymore" alternating. Overall the lyrics are great, stirr up lots of emotions Hopeless and yet hopefull...

What kind of style is this? Reads like folk-rock(ish).


Mike

 

[up-fiddler]

I like the "oh yeah" and the "anymore" alternating. Overall the lyrics are great, stirr up lots of emotions Hopeless and yet hopefull...

What kind of style is this? Reads like folk-rock(ish).


Mike

Yes, the simplistic contrast is what I was shooting for. Folk/Rock or Acoustic/Rock is the way it plays in my head. I will probably start there and see how it feels. Then I will play with other styles until I'm happy or I throw it out in frustration. Most of my songs evolve in this manner. It's a process that I've grown comfortable with for better or worse.

 

[Nightfire]

Hmm, interesting. I can never write lyrics and then music to it, it always happens the other way around. But then again, Im not much into poetry/creative writing


Mike

 

[up-fiddler]

Hmm, interesting. I can never write lyrics and then music to it, it always happens the other way around.

When I write lyrics I ALWAYS have a tune in my head to go with them. Otherwise the tempo, rhythm, and meter become forced and out of sync. I always have a tune in my head while writing but it's usually NOT the tune I end up using. Afterwarde in the following days I will write 5 or 6 different melodies to a set of lyrics. To me that's the fun part in a process that is largely a lot of work by the time it's recorded in a final version. (If it even gets that far.) I probably spend WAY too much time on the fun part. I should be working even harder at the rest of the process.

 

[Freddy]

I think it's excellent. Simple words that communicate the feeling really well .. a tough trick to pull off. Very nice

If anything, I have a slight unease about the "solitude's befriended" verse... but then I always have one lyric in any song that I niggle away at ...

 

[Whatmysay]

I really like the Vs, as said above elegant in their simplicity. I like the content of the Ch/B-section, but (and take this as something you might not want) I don’t get a big lyric hook. Keep the ‘Oh Yeah’s’ and ‘anymores’, but they are only sub-hooks.

Both Ch seem to revolve around the same idea – that night intensifies the feeling of loss. I believe if you use different lyrics (I know there is a degree of differentiation in what you are saying) to say roughly the same thing – then why not repeat the lyric and make them more ‘hooky’. At the moment they summarise to an extent the Vs, but they are too similar to a Vs.

I appreciate however that this may be the style you wish to adhere to, so take suggestion as you will.

HTH
Burt