Its a spiritual World

[Irwin abrigo]

I hope you guys enjoy reading this one.


Its a spiritual World

©2008 IRWIN BYRON ABRIGO

When I looked into your eyes
I could have tell that there was something on your mind
You want to know how I can tell
When there was nothing said, but that is life

Its the spirit in my head that makes me understand
You didn't want to be with a friend
You've got the mind and the soul, but the spirit takes control
And if you don't want it to show, then someone can know
Cause what I'm saying, is the bible tells me so

(Chorus)
Its a spiritual world, and we were made as one
The Lord he did his job, for us to carry on
We're together in this world, and all we need is love
On this beautiful earth, cause its a spiritual, its a spiritual world

When I need some love and care
I just reach out for the one I love and she'll be there
I asked myself how is that
I just accepted it as the fact, so I take good care

Going out late at nights Sometimes I'm filled up with fright
Still there's something telling to go in my mind
So if your spirits telling you, to put on your dancing shoes
If you think you in the mood, just get yourself into the groove
Come on and let your body move

(Repeat Chorus)


(Bridge)
So every boy and girl, man and woman
We're together in this world, under the sun
That shines up above, so while we're having fun
Enjoying what's to be done, though life has ups and downs
And problems go and come, we'll make our minds up strong
So we'll never go wrong, lets smile a while
We can make it if we try, to live a better life
With love for one and all, cause its a spiritual, its a spiritual world

(Repeat Chorus)

 

[up-fiddler]

In the minus column two things stand out for me immediately. First, it is rather cumbersome to read. Often (But not always.) that leads to forced melody lines and crowded phrases. Second, your change of tense from past to present without any purpose that I can see is distracting and screams to us that this is a rough draft rather than a finished piece.

In the plus column I like the topic and story content. It is rife with cliches but I feel that this is one genre that almost demands cliche and repetition to carry the message. (Think Handel's Halleluiah Chorus.) I also like the hook "Spiritual World". The contrast between those two words and the fact that you tie them together (Heaven and earth) could make a strong statement if you were to work on the rest of the song.

I think that this is good enough to warrant a rewrite and see where it leads you. Best of luck, up-fiddler.

 

[ido1957]

Irwin,
When I read the first few paragraphs it seems like a slow tempo. The you talk about dancing shoes and getting the groove whihc I normally associate with a fast tempo. Is there going to be a tempo change in the song?

 

[Irwin abrigo]

Hi up-fiddler,
Thanks for your response. Indeed it's a rough draft, and I agree with most of the things you said to make a better song. Maybe I've to edit the lyrics to make it less cumbersome. But I do have a melody for this lyrics sounds good to me, but as usual I always like to hear writers opinion. I had lots of fun creating this lyrics and I'll work at it as you had suggested. Thanks again I really appreciate your input.

Irwin

 

[Irwin abrigo]

Hi ido1957,

Nice to hear from you. You guys are good in recognizing a fast or slow tempo song from the lyric. Indeed it's a fast tempo song but I have created two versions of this song. The one I posted here is a slow tempo. After reading your response I get to realize that certain words like dancing shoes and getting the groove I think you're right I think it definately associate with a fast tempo. So I think I'll keep this song to a fast tempo. Thanks for your thought.

Irwin

 

[nataliej]

I agree with up-fiddler in the sense that it seems a little too crowded.
Also, not to be offensive, but is English your second language? There are some diction/sentence structure issues in your lyrics. The second sentence for example...
"I could have tell that there was something on your mind"
Did you mean, "I could have told" or "I could tell"? Its a draft, so you probably just need to proof-read it a little better.
I like the story though. It could make a great song with some work.

 

[Irwin abrigo]

nataliej,
Thank you so much for your input. Need to proof read...I will...Below I have edit this,kindly take a look if you can.



Its a spiritual World

©2008 IRWIN BYRON ABRIGO


When I looked into your eyes
I could have tell that there was something on your mind
You want to know how I can tell
When there was nothing even said, but that is life


Its the spirit in my head
that makes me understand
You didn't even want to be with a friend
You've got the mind and the soul
but the spirit takes control
And if you don't want it to show
then someone can know
Cause what I'm saying, is the bible tells me so oh!


(Chorus)
Its a spiritual world and we were made as one
The Lord he did his job for us to carry on
We're together in this world and all we need is love
On this beautiful earth cause its a spiritual world
Its a spiritual world, and we were made as one
The Lord he did his job so let us do ours
On this beautiful earth all we need is love
cause its a spiritual, its a spiritual world



When I need some love and care
I just reach out for the one I love and she'll be there
I asked myself how is that
I just accepted it as the fact, so I take good care

Going out late at nights
Sometimes I'm filled up with fright
Still there's something telling me to go in my mind
So if your spirits telling you
to put on your dancing shoes
If you think you in the mood
just get yourself into the groove
Come on and let your body move


(Repeat Chorus)


(Bridge)
So every boy and girl
man and woman
We're together in this world
under the sun
That shines up above,
so while we're having fun
Enjoying what's to be done
though life has ups and downs
And problems go and come
we'll make our minds up strong
So we'll never go wrong
lets smile a while
We can make it if we try
to live a better life
With love for one and all
cause its a spiritual

(Repeat Chorus)