Is there life after death (critique)

[Irwin abrigo]

Is there life after death
©2010 Irwin Abrigo
-
(Chorus)
Are they really dead, did they really die
If it is true, then where have they gone
Some people may strive, some just pass by
Some rise and fall, as they pass through the world
-
(First verse)
It's been said so many times before
And I've heard it almost every where I go
Jesus Christ was risen from the dead
And in this world he is here to live again
-
Leaders of the world, heroes we'd looked upon
When they are dead, does their lives still go on
In my dreams I still see their faces
And in the air I still hear their voices
-
(Chorus)
Are they really dead, did they really die
If it is true, then where have they gone
Some people may strive, some just pass by
Some rise and fall, as they pass through the world
-
( Second verse)
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Is what a preacher say's at a funeral
People gathered round and give sympathies
cause they don't know who next it may be
-
United we stand, divided we fall
We live and we die, Is that's all we're here for
The dead lying like they are sleeping
It seem like they could never be waken
-
(Chorus)
Are they really dead, did they really die
If it is true, then where have they gone
Some people may strive, some just pass by
Some rise and fall, as they pass through the world
-
(Lift)
Have you ever felt like you were here before
when to new places saw things and said you'd known
Life is a mystery cause many things are yet unknown
And I believe that half the story as never yet been told
-
Is there life after death
Is there life after death, I want to know
Is there life after death
Is there life after death
-
(Chorus)
Are they really dead, did they really die
If it is true, then where have they gone too
Some people may strive, some just pass by
Some rise and fall, as they pass through the world
-
(Talk)
Otis Redding, Elvis Presley
Mahatma Gandhi, Marcus Garvey
Martin luther King, malcolm X, Bob marley
abraham lincoln, Micheal Jackson, Bruce lee

So it goes
Those are a few I chose to remember and honor
Cause I know
They are my heroes

 

[Milnoque]

1) Proof read for grammatic errors
2) You could probably remove some lines. IMO you get redundant.
3) Depending on the musical setting, this song could use a rhyming strategy.
4) Once you introduced the God angle you should have explored it further.
5) This song could use a better developed conclusion, even if it's "I guess I'll never know".

 

[Armistice]

No.

See, you didn't need to write a song... you could have just asked me...!

But seriously, it sounds a bit like a 7 + minute overly earnest epic to me - too many lines like Milnoque said. A few too many of them are cliches too...


But what would I know...

 

[Irwin abrigo]

Hi Milnoque & Milnoque, I am thinking about ptching this for a movie deal after I finish doing the demo. But nevertheless,I would like to thank you so much the comments you've made about my lyrics here.

Irwin