Into the Bleak - New song pls comment

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Whatmysay

Whatmysay

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It appears like many of you my summer was too busy to actually compose, thoguh I was still writing and now have got this one mixed. As always value your comments on lyrics or song. I will also post this one it the mix clinic for more feedback there.

Cheers

Burt

Into the Bleak

1
In a broken voice,
I try to tempt you home
But you have made your choice
My empty words swim like stone
These withered hands that built this wall
Now want to tear it down

Pre-CH
As you slip away, I slip away

Ch
Into the bleak and the faraway
The dark and the deep of the faraway
You are gone and monsters roam
Who’ll guide me home
From the faraway

2
As you turn to leave
The dress you wear begins to fade
I wear the memory
Of the love that we made
The borrowed heart that would not bleed
Now broken on the floor

Pre-CH

Ch
Bridge
I sleep with the light on the can wash over me
In nightmares and waves who can save from your cruel sea
Got set my own sails, make my own way again

Ch
Ch+
No we’ll never meet in the faraway
We’re not meat to be in this faraway
 
Holy Diamond Dogs, Batman!!

This is a musically intricate track, with a whole lot going on. Vocally, it owes no small allegiance to David Bowie, specially in the chorus and the bridge. I expect this was deliberate.

There are some things I particularly liked (including the vocal style): the chord sequence in the last two lines of each verse, the change of feel from a tight centred focus in the verse to the spread-wide pre-chorus, the lower octave vocal harmony in the chorus, and the synth stringy pads in the background (also in the chorus).

The sound of the guitar at the very started reminded me of The Kinks 'Dedicated Follower of Fashion'.

I was not totally convinced by the riffy synth at the start, and the one that duels with the guitar, only because it is a fairly dated sound now.

The mix sounded very 'busy', which may have been intentional. After listening to it a few times I note that this busyness derives from a combination of competing sounds. For example, the rhythm guitar has a busy strum, the bass is doing a complicated line, and the snare is up front with its punctuating fills. If the intention was to create a sense of turbulence, then this is fine.

But my curiosity is also piqued . . . what would happen if the strumming, the bass and the kit were simplified in such a way that though each on its own may be boring and repetitive, in combination (by virtue of their differences) they too produced a sense of chaos?

Anyway . .. I enjoyed the song. It had that dramatic retro feel of Bowie and the Diamond Dogs album . . . which is a good thing.
 
To be honest I was working very instinctively on this one and it just keep on saying "add more"!

I wrote it on the AcG with the busy strumming present from the start. There was something that seemed to undermine the fairly medium tempo. I think the snare could go back a tad and I am exploring a more languid bass/foot drum pattern.

I purposely dropped the Hi-Hat as the AcG was doing that job, but I think I could be more gentle with the Tambourine. I want to thicken the main riff, by coping and using other amp selections as it feels too thin and strident.

I was aware of the Bowie influence, but I am now worried that it may verge on homage rather than influence.

Thank you, as always your input is insightful and well considered

Cheers

Burt
 
Good song, Burt

Whatmysay said:
It appears like many of you my summer was too busy to actually compose, thoguh I was still writing and now have got this one mixed. As always value your comments on lyrics or song. I will also post this one it the mix clinic for more feedback there.
Into the Bleak
Click to expand...

Good song, Burt.

You vocals always remind me of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Foo Fighters.

I am certainly not a mix expert, but the guitar in the intro sounds like it has too much treble and/or lacks enough bass. After the intro, everything sounds well-balanced.

The first line in the bridge seem to have different lyrics from what you posted:

"I sleep with the light on the can wash over me"

It sounds like you are singing something instead of "can". Maybe a couple of words like "...something night...something wash over me"?

Very unique and original. I played it a couple of times. :-)

Cheers,
Joseph
 
Excellent - I like all the little things happening throughout the song. Your voice has a bit of a U2 vibe to it - cool....
 
Thx all for feedback

Yes I missed 'night'

Ch
Bridge
I sleep with the lights on the night can wash over me
In nightmares and waves who can save from your cruel sea
Got set my own sails, make my own way again

I think it is the emulation settings on the AcG, I have tried a couple of EQing settings but it seems to go from treble to dull very quickly when on its own - but it sits well in the mix. perhaps look at automating EQ up bass (and potential dullness) and perhaps feed more into a bright verb to offset.

In mix clinic a few have commented the whole mix is a bit too bright, so I will play around with my Mastering Plug-in, and perhaps my monitors/room are too dull?

Waiting for Focusrite Liquid Mix 16 to arrive - perhaps can play around with classic Compression/EQ plug-ins more then

Cheers

Burt
 
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