I think the biggest issue with the "song" is that the drum beat is ultra choppy. Its not really something a real drummer would play for something like this. Honestly it sounds like someone who doesn't really understand rhythm/drums programmed them. Kind of like the guitarist who gets behind his drummers kit during breaks at practice and attempts to play. If you programmed it choppy on purpose for tension/chaos maybe try and tone it down some. It could be cool "maybe" for a bar or two but thats probably pushing it.
The mix is cluttered. Subtractive EQ doesn't really "degrade" the sound. If you use it properly it can help things sound alot better. You need to notch out little holes in certain freq ranges for the different parts to Pop through. As it stands right now, everything is trying to pop through the same hole at once. Trust me on this one, "People" might not know why its cluttered but the average population will be the first to call you out on less than stellar production. So I wouldn't count on anyone overlooking it, especially in a mixing clinic......
