ill track need critics

  • Thread starter Thread starter israw
  • Start date Start date
get a new keyboard hook. and voice. fuck those bells or whatever they are. stop rhyming so fuckin WACK.
summation: listen to some commercial beats, cover them in reason or something, understand them, think about form, then get a real mc to flow over it if you're presenting it as a track. jesus, kid. be self-critical.

I hope i dont get flamed for flaming your track. and don't try to come back at me.
 
and for the love of god quit smoking so much weed. that second track down is a little better. beats are booming and im thinking the shitty keyboard voices might be limitations on the tech. flows are a little more attractive.
 
perfecto: You're wack. I'll criticize your tracks the way you did it with israw. This is not constructive criticism.

israw: OK, the first thing that jumped to my ear when I listened to your tracks is that we don't have the impression you're rapping. We have the impression you're talking. The thing is it's difficult to start rapping with the beats you have. The drum line is not followable easily. Try making a few beats with more straight forward drumlines. I mean by this (Hope you'll understand me here)

hihats on 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15
kicks on 1, 3, 8, 9, 11
and snares on 5 and 13
(this is just one beat you could do)

The numbers are the steps where you put the drums (I'm supposing here a 16 steps drums line)

Next, try to put more intonations in your voice.

A good tip would be to write the texts while listening to the beats (I'm sure you do it but some don't do it and the lyrics don't fit in time).

OK, I feel good today so I'm gonna give you the three rules of the rapper (This has been kept secret for generations and now I'm revealing it to you all)

1. Practice
2. Practice
3. Practice

Now... I will tell you what I found wrong in your songs:

'Severe Punishment'

WRONG:
- Lack of flow in the voices.
- The beat seems a bit off time.
- The last snare hit of your drum line is really annoying.
- Try to pan all you're drums centered.
- Where is the bass?

GOOD:
- Kicks are tights
- The melody is good (I personally like the dark ambiance of the song...)

'Ether RMX'

WRONG:
- The kicks are muddy
- The snares lacks 'low frequencies'
- Here again I feel more like your talking than your rapping.
- WHERE'S THE BASS?!

GOOD:
- Melody is good again

'Lyrikal Assault'

WRONG:
- The melody is not good at all althought I like the instrument you use. Try with a different melody.
- The drum line doesn't it hard enough.
- Flow again.
- I give up... Give me a hint; WHERE THE DAMN BASS?!

GOOD:
(Sorry didn't like that song much)

Hope I helped you figure out some problems. Don't give up dude. You have potential. Criticism is often hard to take (I know, I just posted a thread for my first instrumental I letted homerecording.com folks hear... I thought my beat had no flaws but it seems that other people didn't feel like me!!! Helped me perfect this beat...)

Peace bro,
Beathoven
 
Israw,

before I say shit, what kind of stuff are you listening too? Who you feelin right now? What's the shit you put in your system when you wanna get amped? Did you produce the track? I've got comments, but I wanna know better where you're coming from, first.

I think Perfect & Beathoven got some good and not-so-good points, again I'll post my comments after I get a better read on where you're at.

3 things I WILL comment on now (and if anyone wants to throw shade my way, all I can say is come widdit) are based on the responses you already got:

1) It doesn't sound like you're into currently "commercial" hip-hop, so that's probably the LAST thing you need to be checking for "study sessions,"

2) If you do "puff puff give" I doubt if that's got shit to do with your flow (your short term memory may be null and void, but that's another story),

3) The 3 rules mentioned above are crucial for us all - no doubt.

Flo' Dolo
 
Flo Dolo: I must agree with you, I shoulda asked about his background in hiphop. My critic was more commercial style hiphop oriented.

Peace,
Beathoven
 
I'm not the biggest fan of the commercial sound, so i think I enjoyed the beats more than the previous responders. As for the 'rambled' stlye of flow, I couldn't find myself buying an album filled with it. Reminds me of Chino XL's debut album (which pissed me off for reasons different than anything we're discussing here).
 
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