I Wrote A Song - Critique Please!!!

[Khompewtur]

"Tiptoeing through the daffodils"


How i wish i was barefoot
tiptoeing through the daffodils
Twat's that noise i heard?
tis mummy, calling me to tea

soon she'll wheel Nan-nan out to the porch
and we'll snack on pimpercrumpel trimpets together
but oh god how she bores me
in her pathetic senility
i have no sympathy for her, the wretch
so i flick her with crumbs
but lo
i must go to the servantmaidenhand
and have her deck me in my finery
for i am rich you know

haha, i laugh at you, peasant
ha ha ha


U like?!?!?!

 

[Khompewtur]

I'm blown away!

Ur a genius my boy!! Sheer Genius!

 

[Henri Devill]

Undenialbe brillance !I will now bask in your glow!!Perhaps The line would read better "A roll in the hay with a servant maid"
LOL.....

Don

 

[Khompewtur]

Thank you, thank you dear sir.

That's quite an exquisite suggestion you had!

I shall begin upon a tawdry version in which the subjectheretofore is but the licentious adventures of a randy 16 year old strapling of the upper french crust.

much gratitude my persuasory bard

 

[Henri Devill]

Tis nothing...Ah a randy lad..Should prove interesting to say the least!Twere I a 16 year old lad with access to a fair lady of such import!In my dreams I dance beyond the bourgeois to the classes of the finery..But I shall not digress further..


Don {AKA..Lord Doningham}...