Here's a new original (unplugged) critique please

  • Thread starter Thread starter kjam22
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Sounds pretty damn good to me. There were a few spots where the vocals lacked confidence, but were good for the most part. You have a good voice.

i would kick the guitar up 2-3 maybe 4 dB's. The bongos sound disproprtionately loud. I'd bring them down 4-5 dB's maybe. I'd mute them, bring the guitar up, then bring the bongos into the mix from the ground up. Or if you like it as it is, ignore me. :) It's less work too. ;)

Very nice song, sounds like a pretty relaxing Saturday morning. Had a similar one myself. :)

I like the harmonica, no complaints about the level either.

Overall reverb use was pretty good. I'd take it back a notch with the vocal maybe, or try a bit more predelay to tame the highs.

Great job Kjam. Nice tune.
 
Good work, really nice song - vocals flow really well.

I always like the simple approach. Can't see any problems and I don't like to nit pick so i won't.

A bit of Dylan in there :)


Thanks for sharing..
--
Paul
 
Again, Sluice says it all before I can even start typing....

Good one, kjam22!

And I don't even like Dylan! :D
 
Thanks guys... I appreciate it. Maybe I'll bump the bongos down a bit and bring the guitar up.

Actually wore the harmonica holder and did it same time as the vocal and guitar. It's pretty fun.

Thanks for the advice.
 
Nice job all around. Other than the harp being a little loud at times during the first solo everything else sounded nice.

I'm not sure if it's an actual volume thing with the harp or a certain frequency. Maybe someone with more experience will add something.

Good one

Joe
 
Yeah, Dylan or maybe Neil Young !!
Very nice song. The harp peaks need to be toned down, they bite the ear a little.
 
Great tune Bro. Really touched me. My son had run away last week and came home today. Praise God! The Harp is a bit loud in that first Solo. Maybe just a touch of Gentle Compression on it to even it out?

Keep crankin em out, Dude!

CR ><>
 
Dylanesque? Maybe, but you sing a lot better! Good tune, good lyrics. Nice job on the harp aside from the brain darts.


Twist
 
Nice song. I like it. The biggest thing I noticed has been mentioned already (harp a little hard on the ear - especially in cans).

Nice job
 
Well, this is a bare bones production, but nothing wrong with that. I agree--harp could be tamed a bit. Musically, you have what I think you were going for, based on things you've said about being real and just playing the music easy and true.

My biggest question mark is with the lyrics for some reason. I've nothing to hang my hat on here. I get that this young guy has taken off on his own, but I don't really understand any of the details. Is this like a soldier? That was my impression, but I didn't really know after a few listens.

See, its tough to write this kind of style. Its all based on images, but if you are gonna do it, those images have to speak volumes. I think I am missing that impact as this sits. I think what is really difficult with this style is that it demands poetry, but there is a difference between lyrics and poetry and, in the end, the lyric has to win out. I know thats kind of vague, so I'll say this. You, as the songwriter, need to assume that we, as the audience, are kind of waiting to let you you lead us to the truth. We can't follow if you don't drop some strong clues in the form of images or statements.

Thats just a long winded way of saying that I think you need to dive into the lyrics a bit more. Other than that, I was happy with the tune. Does all this help in any way?
 
What you've said does make sense Crawdad.

This is a twist on the biblical prodigal son story. The difference being that the biblical story emphasis the Father (God) waiting for the "son" to come home. In this story the emphasis is the fact that many are praying the son would come home. Friends and family. It connected for Axe because he understood the references, and has been one of those praying.

In my mind it is filled with "clues". Biblical clues including quoting text that lead the listener to the message. But... in light of your comments, it may be the "clues" aren't as prominent as I thought they were?

Anyway.... thanks for giving it a listen, and for your comments.
 
After reading your explanation, I feel a little more clued in! Hope you do know I was in no way trying to step on your faith. Although I have some knowledge of the Bible, its not as deep as you or Axe. Could be that guys like me aren't the intended audience of the song? Or maybe there is a way to make this more accesible. I do like the idea of the song a lot and its particularly relevant right now.

Dylan used a lot of Biblical references too--tons in the John Wesley Harding album (Wicked Messenger for example). Also in Slow Train and Saved of course, but those were more straight ahead.

Anyway, I will listen again and see if there is anything useful I could add. You're a talented guy, Kjamm22.
 
Crawdad.... you original comments did not bother me at all. I hope my explanation was okay. It is good to know how things are perceived and I appreciated your comments. I need and want to know how people preceive lyrics that I write.

Thanks
 
I know I sound like a broken record on this as it seems to be my only criticism on most posts, but the vocal seems a little flat in places. And before you others chime in about Dylan and his rotten voice, he always sings on pitch, though he plays around a melody. Could this be the old singing with headphones problem? Anyway, I love Dylan so I like this song, especially the hammond organ and the harp. The level on the harp is not too high. Listen to Highway 61 and Blonde on Blonde - that harmonica was loud!

Is the reference to the Prodigal son in your song metaphorical? It's my understanding the story is less about a son who leaves home and returns, than about a son who rejects his fathers beliefs and finally accepts them. I can't hear all you lyrics but I wondered if you were referring to something specific the son did to reject the father.
 
Thanks for the comments Ash. Highway 61 is the harmonica level. You are right on target (in my mind). As far as singing a little flat... no doubt. I can play guitars, bass (elec and standup), drums, keyboard, harmonica & mandolin..... but I can't sing. What is sad.. is that my singing has gotten lots better to get to this point. God did not gift me with very useable vocal cords. Oh well, it's just the way it is.

As far as the meaning. I think the biblical story is about a son who was "lost and now found". (Luke 15: 11-32) Who left "home" and after a period of time returned. By choice returned. And it tells us of the father (GOD) waiting and hoping for the son to return. It doesn't specifically say why the son left home.... except that he took his inheritance with him and blew it all.

My song leaves it unsaid what happened that made the son go. I think many sons leave home for a variety of reasons, and I don't think the reason is important in this song. What is important is that his friends and family are praying that he'll come home. And in the end God tells him that. I think it implies that he's still welcome at home by those that loved him. But maybe I leave to much unsaid for people to get the message??? Probably.

I chose all of the words pretty closely. In my mind most all of them have a meaning. Like the phrase "don't lie in the shadows" ... or "don't hide in the shadows" (I say it both ways). If you consider that the bible has a lot of teaching about LIGHT, that God is light, that we are to be the light of the world... and on and on..... well lying in the shadows really contrasts that. It says alot about his state. Hmmm... maybe a person needs a degree in theology to understand all of the references?? Not a good thing.

I guess if a person comes to the conclusion that something happened, the son left home, and the people that know him are praying that he'll come back..... that he's welcome back....that they want him back bad enough to pray for it......that he'll always have a place to go. And maybe if the listeners know that situation in some way and can relate... maybe that's the most I can expect because of the way I have written it.
 
Hey Ash..... remember that harmonica on Queen Jane? Now THAT would get your attention!
 
Kjam22--I listened again and I have a few things to say which may or may not help. Anyway, there are several vague references, especially in the first verse, which leave me confused as I listen. here goes:

WELL HE WAS YOUNG WHEN HE SAW IT HAPPEN

What is "it"? Without knowing at least something about what happened, the next three lines seem kind of vague.

BUT HE KNEW HIS TIME HAD COME
WHEN HE WOULD HAVE TO DECIDE
WHAT WOULD BE SAID AND DONE

See, you know what and why you are singing these lines, but as a listener, I have no idea. I'm totally left to guess.


SO HE WATCHED THE OTHERS AND WHAT THEY TRIED

what did they try? Sinful stuff? Or righteous stuff?

AND HE SWORE TO GOD THE RULES HE’D ABIDE
WELL THEN IT HAPPENED—IT HIT HIM BY SURPRISE

here we go again--what is this "it" that hit him?

SO SUDDEN AND SO SWIFT
MORE THAN HIS MIND COULD REALISE
AND THAT’S WHEN HE KNEW IT WAS TIME TO GO

After this verse I know two things: something happened, and--he's decided to go. I want to know more!:D See, I understand not wanting to make this a particular story, but I think there may be a way to keep the universal intent and be more specific about what the young man is going through.

Then again, when Dylan wrote:

The priest wore black on the seventh day
and sat stone faced as the building burned

I have no idea what he was saying either!:D

Hey, these are just my comments based on how I was kind of confused by the first verse. If they are useful, cool. If not, then feel totally free to put em in the paper shredder. I actually thought the third verse after the chorus was very clear, by the way.

And--don't knock your voice. Its getting better and the more you sing, the more your talent will grow. Like you, there are some things that God didn't bless me with in abundance, so he made me work really hard to get them. Keep singing and He will help you become stronger.
 
great song. glad to see the ol' skool folk/rural/country sound is still alive. very nice vocal sound.
 
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