help updating lyrics!

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tommysahlin

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Hi guys,

this is a lyric for a pop tune I wrote a long time ago... around 1994 I believe (the ancient past...) I like it okay, problem is that so much has happened in the world since then that it seems outdated or at least lacking in content... read it and you'll see what I mean. Basically, after I wrote the song, the Internet happened. I was recently contacted about this old song, regarding album placement within my publishing house, they want me to keep the content but update it, which is understandable - I fully agree with them (for once!) But I'm feeling a little blocked.

Any good suggestions about what I should add to get the latest & greatest consumer channel into the lyric..? Are there bits of the existing lyrics I could slash & replace, etc? Any input and help is appreciated and noted. FYI, the song itself is sorta REM-ish, full band with acoustic guitar if you know what I mean.

I'm quite new to this site, but so impressed with all the posts I've ben reading that I hope someone will have comments or be willing to help out. Which will be credited if used of course!

I've never tried to do this over the web before, but am enthusiastic about this site, and the irony in this particular case is just too sweet... ;)

Of course any general feedback, opinions etc are greatly appreciated.

cheers /Tommy

<b>Consumer Paradise</b>

(verse 1)
Wholesale down at the shopping mall
You can stay all day, cause they've got it all
42 stores right behind that wall
You'll never have to go outside!

I ate my lunch at the Taco Bell
And I spent last night at the mall motel
Shopping used to be a living hell
But now it suits me fine
I guess you could say that it's a hobby of mine

(chorus)
This must be consumer paradise
This must be the perfect deal
This must be consumer paradise
I buy everything they wheel
I never knew how happy it could make me feel

(verse 2)
Stuff for sale on the TV screen
Is the easiest shopping that you've ever seen
You don't waste money on gasoline
And you never have to leave the house!

I don't need to go to the mall no more
I just pick up the phone and get it at my door
Shopping used to be a tedious chore
But now it suits me fine
I guess you could say it's my favorite pastime

(chorus)
This must be consumer paradise
This must be the perfect deal
This must be consumer paradise
I buy everything they wheel
I never knew how happy it could make me feel

(bridge)
TV dinners and the Super Bowl
Commercials running in between
Cable system with remote control
Toll-free numbers on the screen
It's like living in a dream!

(chorus)
This must be consumer paradise
This must be the perfect deal
This must be consumer paradise
I buy everything they wheel
I never knew how happy it could make me feel
 
Hey Tom,The only thing that I could see off hand was...instead of shopping mall..virtual mall..That should get you on the path..all you have to do is change things like instead of TV ..Monitor..42..Million..ect..Just put yourself in that vibe and you willl knock this out in no time!Looks like a fun song.Good luck

Don
 
tommysahlin,

You're right, a lot has changed since then. For one, they aren't making malls that way anymore. They're outside kind of and Taco Bell is P.F. Chang's.

I've kind of steered away from material that dealt with what we actually do and gone more for the special moments large and small that we'll tend to remember.

Anyway, I needed a melody to imagine your lyric so I used that song 'Eye of the Hurricane', I think it was David Wilcox, which sort of fit the rhyme pattern. But I don't know it's a hard subject to take on and have anyone want to listen to.

I did write one song on the matter in '78 as a satire and have since revised the lyric a bit. It's called 'The Los Angeloes':

Were the Los Angeloes, and our scenario, just talking radios, that how it goes
Were in a hurry, its all so plain, to find more people that talk the same

Got no business on mountains high, flat on the plains, where we will die
People of interest, do deeds inspired, but our kind, we just get tired

(ch) Lord I'd like to ask you, strictly off the cuff
Why you put some on the fairway, and drive others in the ruff
A whole lot more that I can do, for you in every way
Let me live the way I choose, keep the Los Angeloe blues away

We like potatoes, not crepe suzettes, we like cheap beer, we make a mess
Sacred hamburger, our favorite treat, waiting for weekends, to watch TV

We like to visit, bowling alleys, name our children, Cody and Ally
On a highway full of Lexus, sluggish mushy, placid masses

Got no opinion, shows too much class, kick each other, in the ass
Never look into the sky, never ask a question why
 
To take off on Don's idea....

This must be the Virtual Mall
I'm pointing and clicking and having a ball
Load up my virtual shopping cart
nobody knows if I belch or fart............


Hmmmm.....what is it I always say???

Oh yeah....re-write...re-write...re-write...
writeon...chazba
 
Haha, rotflmao!

Thanks for all the input Henri, Philboyd & Chazba... the virtual mall, clicking and pointing etc is a definite go! Haven't decided yet about the burping and farting, but probably pass on that, although I might spin on the theme...

Why bother with all the hassle of having real fun, if you can have virtual fun instead... ;)

As you correctly pointed out philboyd, nobody may want to listen to it... but hey, who listens to lyrics anyway nowadays, right? In my book, if they like it, fine, and if they don't like it, fine... written loads of lyrics that are a lot worse than this... remind me to post the lyrics for "I Insist On Incest"... :eek:

I'll let you know the outcome when I get around to finishing the bastard off... thanks once again!

many happy returns /Tommy
 
Update lyric?

Dear All,
You can't 'update' a lyric! But you can give a concept a point.

The trick is to get to the point quickly, then exploit it. Making the whole thing appeal to the widest possible 'audience - then they will wanna listen to it!

Why write a full page about things that people already take for granted - like shopping, buying, general life etc?

Better to write two lines that hit 'em between the eyes...


You can buy everything under heaven above,

but I'm tellin' ya people, you can't buy love!



rhs2000 England.
 
a bit OT... but rhs2000 got me going...

Hi guys,
gotta comment on some stuff in rhs2000's very peculiar posting:
Dear All,
You can't 'update' a lyric! But you can give a concept a point.
Click to expand...
Nonsense - of course you can update a lyric! It's done all the time. Why on earth wouldn't that be possible?


The trick is to get to the point quickly, then exploit it. Making the whole thing appeal to the widest possible 'audience - then they will wanna listen to it!
Click to expand...

That's A trick - not THE trick. Another trick is to do the opposite - not make the point until late in the song - or not make it at all, if that's what works for you. Newsflash - lyrics don't necessarily have to make ANY kind of point.

That bag of tricks is huge - too bad you've only found one trick, rhs2000. And that "making the whole thing appeal to the widest possible audience" bit - I'm not even gonna go there.


Why write a full page about things that people already take for granted - like shopping, buying, general life etc?
Click to expand...
Why not? Is there ANYTHING that's pointless to write about? Ever heard of individuality? Sheesh. You seem really narrow-minded to me. And extremely full of yourself.

How about this old ditty:

"Woke up, fell out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late"

...oh wait a minute... that's about general life there... in other words pointless...


Better to write two lines that hit 'em between the eyes...
You can buy everything under heaven above,
but I'm tellin' ya people, you can't buy love!
Click to expand...

Better than WHAT? Are those the two lines that "hit 'em between the eyes?" Who do they hit - EVERYONE?
And for Tom's song, those two lines you quote have nothing to do with what he's getting at!

Done ranting. Sorry. Just got really annoyed, actually by every statement in that whole posting. Guess that makes you a good writer in a way, rhs2000... ;)

Oh, by the way, I really liked "Consumer Paradise" Tom, FWIW. Best of luck with the upgrade.

later /Tyle
 
Lyrics!!!!!

Dear All,
WOW!!!!

See what I mean!

My posting 'hit you right between the eyes!' hence the vigorous and strong reply!

Writing is writing is writing. Whether a song, poem or story!

You (still) can't 'update' a lyric, all you're doing is re-writing.

The 'buying love' concept is well-worn too, recall 'Can't buy me love' by The Beatles.

To write any lyric, poem or story requires a great deal of skill etc. Well done the writer above. But be prepared for the odd brickbat that people (like me) write now and then. Not everyone will think your work brilliant. Just keep at it! One day lyric & tune will gel into that 'something special' and you'll hit 'em between the eyes!
Cheers men!
rhs2000
 
Lyrics!!!!!

Dear All,
WOW!!!!

See what I mean!

My posting 'hit you right between the eyes!' hence the vigorous and strong reply!

Writing is writing is writing. Whether a song, poem or story!

You (still) can't 'update' a lyric, all you're doing is re-writing.

The 'buying love' concept is well-worn too, recall 'Can't buy me love' by The Beatles.

To write any lyric, poem or story requires a great deal of skill etc. Well done the writer above. But be prepared for the odd brickbat that people (like me) write now and then. Not everyone will think your work brilliant. Just keep at it! One day lyric & tune will gel into that 'something special' and you'll hit 'em between the eyes!
Cheers men!
rhs2000
 
In all humbleness, I don't think you got that strong reply :mad: cause your writing skills hit him between the eyes... kinda got the feeling that he just didn't like you very much... :(

By "updating" I meant "rewriting" or maybe adding on... to cover the latest phenomenons... in other words bringing it up to date. I think we all meant the same thing though, just used different words.

rhs, my intention with the song wasn't that it's about shopping per se... I meant it more as an ironical take on something growing in our society - the concept of shopping as a hobby, as if it were something creative... you know? Sorry that passed you by, maybe it's not clear enough.

Personally, I like all kinds of different writing approaches. This one I guess was under the influence of people like Randy Newman, XTC, some Zappa maybe (not putting myself in their calibre of course)...

Thanks everyone for the postings! :)

cheers - Tommy
 
Semantics...Update/Rewrite....The work is the important thing!A song is never finished..Its abandoned...I dont remember who said it but its true..{maybe Sting}However Tom asked to change the time frame{to make it contemporary}...So yes its a rewrite with the accent on updateing the time frame .....LOL


Don
 
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