Heart Of Her Letter

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HEART OF HER LETTER
© Tom Guertin All Rights Reserved

(Verse 1)
The splash of a tear left a stain on the page
Her seal of official farewell
The scrawl of her signature tells of a rage
A storybook love gone to hell
I’d stay out all night until dawn's early light
Alone she'd be crying the blues
Now she's made her escape
While I struggle to deal with the news

(Chorus)
The heart of her letter
Beats with a vengeance just dying to be heard
The heart of her letter
Echoes her voice crying one final word

(Verse 2)
The look on my face seems engraved in the mirror
Reflecting on years thrown away
The light from the lamp casts a shadow of fear
Silhouette of a man's judgement day
I still feel the brand from the palm of her hand
The last time I walked through the door
She knew I'd never change
This is her way to settle the score

(Chorus)
The heart of her letter
Beats with a vengeance just dying to be heard
The heart of her letter
Echoes her voice crying one final word

(Instrumental break to 1st half of verse music, then repeat 2nd half of verse 2)
Oh, I still feel the brand from the palm of her hand
The last time I walked through the door
She knew I'd never change
This is her way to settle the score

(Chorus x2)
The heart of her letter
Beats with a vengeance just dying to be heard
The heart of her letter
Echoes her voice crying one final word...
Goodbye
 
Wow. What's the genre. I am hearing a country song. Am I wrong?

I like it. The opening was very visual, and it stayed that way throughout the verses.

Let's hear it, too!
 
Very good indeed. Must be country :) The only quibble I have is with "vengeance dying to be heard" I don't think vengeance can be heard, I think it is taken, wreaked, inflicted or in other ways enacted. Also "dying to" is a slightly childish expression which doesn't fit with the careworn maturity of the rest of the lyric.

Sorry to be so picky, and of course ignore me if you want, it's just that the rest of it is so good it's a shame to see it slightly let down by this line, especially as its repeated quite a few times.

Nice work

Garry
 
Rokket said:
Wow. What's the genre. I am hearing a country song. Am I wrong?

I like it. The opening was very visual, and it stayed that way throughout the verses.

Let's hear it, too!
Click to expand...
Thanks Rokket. You're right. If I was to pitch this one to publishers, I'd probably do so as a country song. However, my own style is more middle-of-the-road rock (with country, folk and blues flavorings). Just this past weekend I got my first home studio up and running. Tons to read and learn and I know I'm going to have to upgrade my mics to get any decent output. Don't know when this one will be recorded, but I'll post it when it's done. Thanks for reading.
 
Garry Sharp said:
Very good indeed. Must be country :) The only quibble I have is with "vengeance dying to be heard" I don't think vengeance can be heard, I think it is taken, wreaked, inflicted or in other ways enacted. Also "dying to" is a slightly childish expression which doesn't fit with the careworn maturity of the rest of the lyric.

Sorry to be so picky, and of course ignore me if you want, it's just that the rest of it is so good it's a shame to see it slightly let down by this line, especially as its repeated quite a few times.

Nice work

Garry
Click to expand...
Thanks Garry. Actually, apart from the title in the chorus, you've hit on the one part that's bothered me. Obviously I have some more work to do on that. I'll be looking at it. Thanks again.
 
Very good, some great visual phrases - in particular I reaaly likes the rand from the palm of her hand line (which does play into the "country vein".

You mention that the Title bothers you. While I must admit, when I first saw the title I was not sure what it meant, once I read the story line, I thought it indentified the "heart" of your story, which then explained what the Heart Of Her Letter was.
 
mikeh said:
Very good, some great visual phrases - in particular I reaaly likes the rand from the palm of her hand line (which does play into the "country vein".

You mention that the Title bothers you. While I must admit, when I first saw the title I was not sure what it meant, once I read the story line, I thought it indentified the "heart" of your story, which then explained what the Heart Of Her Letter was.
Click to expand...
Thanks Mike. Actually, it's not the title that bothers me -- I think it works ok, which I believe you agree with. It's line 2 in the chorus that I haven't been comfortable with and have been struggling to find a phrase that works well (strangely, that's the line Garry pointed out). I'll find it, especially that someone else recognized it as the weak link. Thanks again for your thoughts.
 
Cheeky Monkey said:
Thanks Mike. Actually, it's not the title that bothers me -- I think it works ok, which I believe you agree with. It's line 2 in the chorus that I haven't been comfortable with and have been struggling to find a phrase that works well (strangely, that's the line Garry pointed out). I'll find it, especially that someone else recognized it as the weak link. Thanks again for your thoughts.
Click to expand...
I was playing around with that second line, and tried to stay with the meaning behind the line and the sound of the heartbeat theme, came up with this:

Subdued and angry, longing to be heard

You are welcome to it if it fits and you like it.
Rokket
 
Alternatively, you could move the last line in the chorus up to replace the second line, and have a new last line something like:

"Threatening vengeance, calling for my blood"

(Or "reeking of vengeance" if, like me, you like double meanings)

A near rhyme admittedly, but makes it a bit darker and more threatening.
 
Rokket and Garry, thanks for the ideas -- I do appreciate it. Unfortunately, neither totally hits on what I was trying to convey ('tho Rokket you were close) -- and my original chorus/L2 doesn't either -- and I'm thinking the word "vengeance" is part of the problem, 'cause I realize she isn't really trying to get even. What I'm trying to capture in one line is that regardless of how often she tried to tell him what the problems (he was causing) were, he would never listen -- she couldn't get through to him. The only way she could -- when it was too late to save the relationship -- was to "put it in writing" where he could read it alone, without distraction and not tune out -- and finally 'get it' -- which he did. I tried to use the word "beat" to tie into the "heart" (which she was expressing/getting to the point of the matter) metaphor of L1, but I'm not sure that works either.

Here's another attempt that may more accurately reflect what I'm after, 'tho I'm not sure it's 'lyrical' enough in consideration of the rest of the lyric.

The heart of her letter
Echoed the words I refused to hear
The heart of her letter
She found a way to make it all clear

Wuddya think?
 
CM, I like it...a number of concrete images, sincerity and a "having lived it feeling!" What's not to like?!? I also liked your first chorus better. How about replacing the "offending" line with....vengefully beating and dying to be heard...(just a thought) Don't put it aside, though, too many good images going on!
 
Good stuff

It was definately some well written lyrics. You stayed away from the cliche abstractions of love/hate and put some great visual images in there. Also I love the way the song carries over to the second verse and changes to a new perspective. It adds new meaning to the chorus when it is sung the second time around. A lot of people fall into repetitive verses that basically say the same thing over and over....Not you! Good Work. Anyway you've got to post this song when you finish it up...Good lyrics are just the start a good melody with those lyrics will really drive this song home.
 
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