It's an interesting figure and beginning of a tune...real narrow field, and the strange vocal. I was expecting the whole thing to come smashing out of the box it's in...real brash, spread wider, with a screaming , clear vocal...a big grunge head banging. The tune remains unchanged, though. I listened to the first cycle, and searched the the rest of the tune looking for the breakout. It never happens.
What you need to start doing is listening to the music you like, and cataloging the techniques used that keep you on-edge and interested.
For example, there's a post here called 'No Coverups here...' Listen to that tune...one of the 'techniques' the guys use is to sing the second verse an octave up...a stock arranger's trick, to pump up energy and build drama and emo. That's one thing that could help drive up the heat on your song... There are thousands of little things you can do to organize 'build' and interest. It's the same concept story writers use to keep your nose in their book. You need to learn what the tricks are in music, by thoughtful analysis of music that moves you, and apply them to things you construct. And that includes recording tricks.
The sound and music in your tune has potential. Not very interesting after the first 20 seconds, though. Think about what you hear...close you eyes and imagine what it could be. Then figure out how to make it happen. Take's a while, but you'll get there when you begin studying.
Look foreward to post II !
