first attempt

  • Thread starter Thread starter elkhunter
  • Start date Start date
E

elkhunter

New member
First things first,
don’t compare me to shit
fuck hungry jack
and their fucked up mosh pit
step yall's saggin' asses back
go suck on mamma’s tits
your bout to be in the middle
of some Mississippi grits, and self bred pinch hits
it’s time to get splattered
a careers worth of wax shattered
your shits gonna be scattered
all over the stage, fuck a 12 guage
im on your tired ass with these, two fistful of please
that you better be sayin
when im south coast whay-layin
on that whiney shit you keep playin'

so get tha hell out my way
we bail cotton not hay
and I ain’t got all day
to get this shit to the top
gettin' wet panties to drop
an there ain’t no way im gonna stop
gettn flat hammered as fuck
killin' pussy in my truck
jumpin' ‘round on stage like a duck
that’s right hawwsss
you fixin' to take a big D loss
cuz theres a new fuckin boss
from the southcoast and goula / moss
truckloads a snitches,
boatloads a bitches and ho’s doin shows
suckin’ my dick til the cum flows

top dog you aint dick
Sep a fat fuckin hick
who couldn’t tag a horny
16 yr old fat fuckin chick
tryin to lay camp fables
when your dirty Detroit ass
outta be shoveling horse shit in stables
with a gimp, my bad a limp
bitch you aint no fuckin great lakes pimp
so run the d to nantucket I say fuckit
how do you get laid double wide
when you’re built like a bucket

special k females I’m on your ass next
when them hips start movin
you can bet that ass
PC’s bone dancin' and groovin'
when them hips start grindin'
you better know I’m fuckin’ findin'
that spot your man wouldn’t
heh your fat goodbar prolly couldn’t
but I don’t want no fuckin' hos,
with no plastic fuckin' nose
5 grand on the chest,
gettn' cut by the best
I want cornbread, real panties,
girls that keep up
I’m gonna make you bad, mad,
but glad you gave it up


lifestyles in one hand
in the other a cup, nah make that a bottle
PC’s full on throttle
triple fistin' wild turkey, weed and Guinness
Rumor has it I’m the man when its
On the line
when you wanna get sneaky
even short dog hella freaky
I'll drill you on the bar,
on the boat bitch
My route delivers weekly
talkn’ bout day after day
fuckin lay after lay,
its so easy its gay
suckin titties, fuckin' kitties and shitty little bitties
im balls deep when the pussies cheap

PC likes to lay it down in tha den
When you walk tomorrow
you’ll know where you’ve been
south coast raw oysters and shrimp
bein’ air lifted in
triple cubed back white widow from Grimm
so when you tricky ass bitches
even dare to walk in
kneel your vic secret ass down
bow that second skin shit
right to the ground
dirty up them clean knees
fuck no I ain’t never said please
baby suck all that cock in and once again
you’re at the end of your role
ill be the Tom Cruise leavin’ your ass like Nicole


And you nine ta fivers
yeah I ain’t gonna forget
too many wanna bees
usin' home grown recipes
all you fat pricks, smoke dicks
cuz yall ain’t got shit for chix
tried to block me in
strap me down
squash me to the ground
fuck you, and your meeting at 2
I aint got shit for you
or a lame ass .review
you dumb dicks kill me, thrill me
prolly try to retro bill me
yall ain’t shit but jam material
strait plain bowl a cerial
plain cheerios that I hate
executive idiots just coastin along
ain’t pullin your weight
telling me Make your own hours, heh now I’m late

an if I forgot any of you muthafuckers that I hate
Just wait, I’ll get your ass next time I’m comin' out the south coast gate
 
This is a perfect example of a successful rap lyric.....

I use the word lyric here loosely because lyrics are words set to music...not racist, sexist, arrogant, violence oriented, colloquial slang set to a beat with little to no structure.....

You'll probably make a million with it.....

let loose the lemmings and follow...follow
 
With all due respect I just have to laugh and shake my head when I hear this shit. Theres always someone bigger and badder just down the block and around the corner. It always strikes me as very shallow when people come across this way; as if they have no recourse but to regress to their animal instincts because they may never have exercised their reason.????
 
Oh my! I can not believe tha....

Wait!! let me rephrase...

Yo buss dis. Oh my, I cannot believe to de extent dat someone would use so much foul language on a rap song. I'aint understan' why dis gotta be? So much mo can be said in a toned down, calm an' easy manner. See what I'm sayin? Oh well, dats our generation fuh you. Sheeit!
 
elkhunter said:
too many wanna bees



Yah...I agree....too many wannabe gangsters...




You obviously have some talent elk...why don't you put it to use in some sort of way that isn't cognitively regressive...
 
I like it. It expresses the angst of the younger generation and their rejection of society's hypocrisy. I especially liked the degradation of women and the threats about a 12 guage! This guy has real talent.

Bob
Da Dirty South
 
That reminds me of a movie called Home Boys about a bunch of white kids in Iowa who all think they are gansta rappa's.

Why is rap music always about the rapper or the song itself? They rap about themselves rapping and other people listening to their raps and wishing they could rap that well. When will rappers actually write a song that is about a concept or idea.
 
TexRoadkill said:
That reminds me of a movie called Home Boys about a bunch of white kids in Iowa who all think they are gansta rappa's.

Why is rap music always about the rapper or the song itself? They rap about themselves rapping and other people listening to their raps and wishing they could rap that well. When will rappers actually write a song that is about a concept or idea.

oh you've noticed that too.....It's as if (most) rap songs are actually more like commercials/plugs for the rapper than anything else......I bought a couple rap albums in the past and when I got done listening I felt like I had just purchased a commercial, and I was like so where's the product this guys advertising? I thought I had bought the product but it was just a commericial I had bought...Turns out that there is no product...either that or product = commercial in the rap world.......what a joke
 
What did you expect. The whole Rap and DJ phenom was a ploy by the Clinton administration to create employment opportunities for the "TALENT CHALLENGED"
chazba
 
What's wrong with you people?!?!?!
"colloquial slang"
"let loose the lemmings "
"no recourse but to regress"
"cognitively regressive"
"expresses the angst"
"degradation of women"
?????

How the hell is he suposed to understand any of your critisicm of his "music"... if you keep using such big words?!?!?!?!

Come on people...!! doesn't anyone around here know ebonics????

but I digress... :p

WATYF

:D

P.S. Check oat WATYF.com
 
Colloquial slang IS eubonics...
Let loose the lemmings.....
Well...OK :) maybe....but, come on....
It just means to follow the pack .......

Yo....I aint into anyee shizinit aight?
Eyes writes from da sole...mahn...sheeeet@!
Ifin ewes dont's dig the shizinit...Eyes bee slappin' ewes like my bee-atch:)
Word...Peace....out :)
 
Hmmm...its kind of a shame that the songwriting forum can't keep out of the "is rap music?" silliness. IMHO it really doesn't belong here.

Its takes effort to put words together - no matter what the subject or the genre. Typically, if I don't understand a genre enough to put together an intelligent comment I just won't say anything.

Elkhunter isn't asking you to critique his genre but his creative efforts. If you think its easy to write a good rap song, it isn't. I don't know what makes a good rap song (marketing? :)) so I won't be able to comment on it.

Take care,
Chris
 
But Chris.......

It is a "good "rap song....
(good meaning that it is marketable.....)
And if he can get it recorded and promoted it would be successful....
I do believe that is what I implied....
I do not have to like a particular genre of music to critique it....
 
And another thing.....

The guy has not responded to ANY comments.......
He has posted 3 other pieces (and they are pretty good too...)
but,.....why should I respond to the other stuff if he does not respond to the comments here....

Critiques are not always pleasent....I have had my share of bad ones....but, I have always acknowledged the people that put their time and thoughts into my work no matter if they thought it sucked greasy donkey dicks or not....it doesn't matter....ya know?

Stop being so fucking polite and say what you think.
Joe
 
This song has 678 words! Sorry, only people like Bob Dylan or Roger Waters can get away with shit like that. You beat that horse into a big mess.

And, what's this?

"suckin’ my dick til the cum flows"

That's Howard Stern level. Are you about 13 years old? If so, OK. If not, you've got a lot of editing to do.

In other words, strip this song down. The Tom Cruise line doen't work at all. Take out all the crappy child lines and it might be workable.
 
lol... yes joro.. it was sarcasm.. I thought I had laid it on thick enough for it to be fairly obvious.. :D

WATYF
 
Back
Top