Feedback Welcome - Optical Illusion (Hard Rock/Metal Song)

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jonlint

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Working on a new song idea and would appreciate feedback. The vocals and guitars are a very rough take and can be improved.

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/optical-illusion-rev1-20150602

JONATHAN LINTON – OPTICAL ILLUSION
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
Government is listening, they try to hide it
They can read your email before you write
Propaganda machine tries to deny
I don’t believe them, no, I just don’t buy it

BRIDGE

They propagate illusion of a free society
Fight against terror hides their impropriety

CHORUS

Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion

2ND VERSE PENDING

BRIDGE

They propagate illusion of a free society
Fight against terror hides their impropriety

CHORUS

Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion

SOLO

CHORUS

Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion
 
Revised version:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/optical-illusion-rev2-20150602

Retracked vocals, 2nd verse added, improved mix

Feedback welcome!

JONATHAN LINTON – OPTICAL ILLUSION
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
Government is listening, they try to hide it
They can read your email before you write it
Propaganda machine tries to deny it
I don’t believe them, no, I just don’t buy it

BRIDGE

They propagate illusion of a free society
Fight against terror hides their impropriety

CHORUS

Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion

Blissful daily route, they digitalize it
Securing the nation, they capitalize it
Snowdon blows the whistle, they criticize it
Privacy is lost, you now realize it

BRIDGE

They propagate illusion of a free society
Fight against terror hides their impropriety

CHORUS

Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion

SOLO

CHORUS

Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion
 
Last edited:
Listened to the revised version.

Pretty good mix. I'd suggest bringing up the vocal in the verses just little bit more. Maybe pull the OH's on the drums in a little narrower. I'm a culprit of having them too wide myself. I also think the spoken part should sit back in the mix further.
 
Listened to the second. Mix sounded fine. I agree with Chilli, the drum OH could be tighter.

On a production note, the phase on the guitar could be reduced. It didn't sound bad, just seems like the guitar would sound better in the song without it.

Over all really good production and mix.
 
DM60 said:
Listened to the second. Mix sounded fine. I agree with Chilli, the drum OH could be tighter.

On a production note, the phase on the guitar could be reduced. It didn't sound bad, just seems like the guitar would sound better in the song without it.

Over all really good production and mix.
Click to expand...

Hi DM60,

Thanks for the feedback! What do you mean with "the phase could be reduced"? I am still relatively new to mixing and mastering.
 
jonlint said:
Hi DM60,

Thanks for the feedback! What do you mean with "the phase could be reduced"? I am still relatively new to mixing and mastering.
Click to expand...

The effect on the guitar. Sounded like you have a phase shifter or some kind of effect. I thought the guitar would better serve the song without it. That is just a production opinion. If it sounds better to you with it, then you should keep it. But your mix is very good.
 
Second version sounds pretty good. My main crit would be the bass. I assume its a midi base of some sort? It sounds good in the song itself when its all there, but at the beginning it sounds midi.
 
Sounds good. Maybe even more vocal thickness for the chorus with more BV's.

But really sounds good as is imo.
 
You did a pretty good job with Guitar Rig on the guitars. Sounds rather good in the mix.
Is there anything you can do about the hi-hat? It sounds like a really repetitive sample. It's the hardest part to do right with drum samples.
 
Guitar at the start could come down lower and then settle in at the level it is in the rest of the song (automate from when the rest kicks in back) since there is nothing else going on.

Hi hat - I couldn't hear what Swartz said, but velocity changes would help with variation if required.

Good mix
 
Sounded decent to me. I thought the guitars sounded pretty good. They're a bit over driven. Not quite enough chug IMO.

Even in the 3rd mix (which is the best one IMO), the guitars sound bigger than the vocal. The vocal is a bit small. You might think about double tracking it. Maybe a boost around 5K.

Not sure how the bass was recorded. But it sounds a little sterile and midi-ish.

I think the cymbals could still be moved toward the center. The crashes are still pretty wide. it will be especially apparent to people on earbuds.
 
Did you do this all yourself? As in one man studio band? Seems like a complete solo project.
I'm not sure what i think. I like elements of all three mixes, I like where you are going with it, but the track lacks energy, and build. Its missing the fire.

I can hear Rage Against The Machine doing this and they'd tear the house down.
It's a cool tune, but has a way to go.
I'd work on it some more and put some fire in it. Almost there.
 
Last edited:
agreed that the bass is really midi sounding at the start, then gets lost when everything else kicks in.
Guitars sound good, though, and the 3rd version drums sound better than the others.
 
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