Feedback on lyrics

[MaxAndMusic]

Hey guys, I'm a beginner when it comes to writing songs, especially melodies. I have no idea how to go beyond writing the text part of songs. Anyway, what do you guys think of the following:




From friend to lover,
from lover to friend,
we’ve done everything,
I don’t know what’s happening

We’re falling apart,
With regret in my heart,
I’m seeing us float away,
But I just want us to stay,

I’m telling you this, in my own way,

From the beginning to the end,
it was fun at the start, it was fun being a friend,
Whenever we meet now, I don’t really know how,
the words just don’t come up,
And I feel like I’m stuck,
What are we now?

We both went another way,
it’s very hard to say,
I miss being good mates,
I miss those intimate days

I’m telling you this, in my own way,

From the beginning to the end,
it was fun at the start, it was fun being a friend,
Whenever we meet now, I don’t really know how,
the words just don’t come up,
And I feel like I’m stuck,
What are we now?

Don’t talk me out it, don’t try and mess with it,
my heart is on the table, what does yours say?

From the beginning to the end,
it was fun at the start, it was fun being a friend,
Whenever we meet now, I don’t really know how,
the words just don’t come up,
And I feel like I’m stuck,
What are we now?
What will we be?

 

[mjbphotos]

From your comment and example, you don't understand some of the basic songwriting things such as rhythm of the lines, and how certain structures lead you to the next song section whereas others can be more 'complete' in themselves.
Do a search on Coursera's website for songwriting classes. I'm taking one now - it's really aimed at novice writers and could help you.

 

[DM60]

From my view, I understand what the song is trying to say, and maybe if these were in song form, it may be different. But as lyrics on a cold page, there is no rhythm to them. Try to make the words flow and they must be written in away the reader can make them flow.

Since English is not your native tongue, makes it hard and putting it on cold black and white makes it harder. Just keep working at it, you' get it.

 

[reel2]

I like the lyrics. Reminds me of Jackson C Frank in places. Maybe try playing around with a few chords and don't try to force the lyrics over the top. Let yourself change them/ cut out lines to suit the song.