does this sound incomplete to you

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a27thletter

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recent song project thats got me frustrated.
Ghost hunting

verse.: red moon, blue moon, it falls on me, i fall on you,
and every road leads back to you,
with each new sun, another day with you,

verse,: summer night, calm and bright, the stars reflect your heart tonight,
hand in hand, you hold my heart,
with every breath , another start,

chorus:: and who could have known,
and who could have known,

verse,: you make me smile without a sound, forever falling in love with
you,
you fit me like a missing piece,
this jigsaw puzzle feels complete,
chorus repeat,

i've written a guitar riff for it, and i think its coming along ok, but i'm having trouble singing it, .. its like recently i just havent been able to sing very well, i feel short of breath a lot when i start to sing,. any tips or excercises i should try?
 
Hi
the song doesn't sound incomplete to me they are nice lyrics
you just need to arrange it properly so as it works.
you want incomplete you should have a look at my song book
its so frustrating.
Would like to hear the finished product what genre does this song belong to.

Backer
 
its a little acoustic alt. rock number. i have it recorded as a sketch on my 4 track i just have to figure out how to put it onto my computer. i do have a few songs on acid planet under the user name Barry Turner, if you're interested in hearing them , but keep in mind that i recorded them all very cheaply, only using acid and a 4 dollar computer mic. i want to get some good sounding songs up soon. what are some sites i can host my songs from for free besides acid planet?
 
heres the finished product, if anyones interested in hearing how it sounds arranged. i posted it here rather than the mp3 page because i dont think its quite a "polished" work. its basically just my interpretation of how the song should go, in a raw bedroom recorded form, i recorded it all with my 4 track then mixed it in magix audio editor, http://www.acidplanet.com/artist.asp?PID=503293&T=5721

i know my vocals kindof suck, but i like the song,
 
Listened to the song, and the vocals didn't suck. Actually sounds like a very good start. You can find several other sites to put you music on, but most have a 24 hour waiting period, or require you to listen to and review other songs. If you post at garageband.com, be prepared for some asshole to tell you how to make your song a "HIT". This comeing from some wanker who purports to own a million dollar studio, and wants your business, yet doesn't like anything. Acid planet is at least easy, if you just want to post some music. I got to listen to your song, and didn't have to do anymore than click play.

Again, decent song, and the mix wasn't bad for as little effort as you had to put in it.
 
thanks for listening, , actually surprised you didnt think the vocals sucked , lol. i guess my confidence has been shot to hell on some crappy covers i did. but we all have to start somewhere i guess. i can actually hear this song sounding awesome in my head when i get it recorded the way i want it. do you think the vocal effects in the choruses are a little too much? i personally just thought it sounded cool so i put it in there, not sure if it really does anything musically for the song.
 
I thought the chorus actually sounded good. kind of an eerie, hypnotic sound. Really made the song sound different.
 
yeah, i thought the vocal effects made a cool hypnotic feel too,.. the girl i wrote the song for liked it, so i guess my goal is complete, lol,.. ,.. i'm working on my vocals, and learning more about drumming, so my new stuff should start sounding better and better, ..
 
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