Anybody want to play?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Garry Sharp
  • Start date Start date
Garry Sharp

Garry Sharp

Lost Cause
I'm bored waiting for Miles to post his lyrics and as I am overwhelmed by a mood of feckless juvenility I thought I'd see if anybody wanted to play the "line at a time" lyric writing game. (If this has all been done to death before newbie here arrived then I'll apologise and get my coat.)

Anyway, here in London we are all expecting to be next on Osama's hit list. Was on the tube (subway to the colonials) today and there was a big security alert, which set me thinking that in the back of everybody's mind is what's going to happen and when?

Being of idle mind I thought - let's write a song to capture this atmosphere of forboding. Two lines to start - contributions delightedly received. If anything workable comes out of it I guess we just say it's public property?



There's a parcel in the mail
And it's labelled with our address
 
There's a parcel in the mail
And it's labelled with our address
And i'm told its postpaid
But i couldn't remember less

About sending away for a big brown box


I'll stop there
Matty
 
There's a parcel in the mail (A)
And it's labelled with our address (B)
And i'm told its postpaid (C)
But i couldn't remember less (B)
About sending away for a big brown box (D)
with pieces that rattle and a portion that talks (D)

what shall we do with it? should we open it up?
 
Maybe we should guess what is inside first. Build a little tension.
 
matty_boy said:
Maybe we should guess what is inside first. Build a little tension.
Click to expand...

Is it an object so strange, it's beyond our comprehension?
 
This is getting interesting:)

I know you guys don't need telling but don't forget the parcel is a metaphor. We don't know what it is, or when it will be delivered, but we know it's gonna be nasty! We certainly don't want to open the fecking thing

Miles if I may be allowed to tinker with your last line, changing it to:

There's a parcel in the mail (A)
And it's labelled with our address (B)
And i'm told its postpaid (C)
But i couldn't remember less (B)
About sending away for a big brown box (D)
That brings home the fighting and has no time for talks (D)

or something. That sort of direction.

I think the third line qualifies as an A, not a C - paid is close enough to mail, when sung.

Anybody else going to join in?
 
Garry Sharp said:

Miles if I may be allowed to tinker with your last line, changing it to:

I think the third line qualifies as an A, not a C - paid is close enough to mail, when sung.
Click to expand...

The content of the parcel a metaphor? Perhaps along the lines of the Pulp Fiction briefcase? That's how I had approached it.

in terms of rhyme, it depends on who's singing. :)

As for the scheme, I thought it would make for interesting longer verses to do a ABCBDD thing. I know four line verses can seem too hokey for serious topics to me. Obviously, though the rhyme patrol has no problem with a ABABCC rhyme scheme.

Time for a new verse!

a new contestant must lead it, however....
 
See your point re rhyme, Mr rhyme patrol Miles. And I knew you'd got the parcel as metaphor thing. I just wanted to help new players. Of which we haven't got any.

Door's wide open....come and play
 
There's a parcel in the mail (A)
And it's labelled with our address (B)
And i'm told its postpaid (A)
But i couldn't remember less (B)
About sending away for a big brown box (D[1])
That brings home the fighting and has no time for talks (D[2])

I can visualize the war, the pain - the shots (D[1])
There's a missile in the air, with eyes of a hawk (D[2])
 
There's a parcel in the mail (A)
And it's labelled with our address (B)
And i'm told its postpaid (A)
But i couldn't remember less (B)
About sending away for a big brown box (D[1])
That brings home the fighting and has no time for talks (D[2])

I can visualize the war, the pain - the shots (D[1])
There's a missile in the air, with eyes of a hawk (D[2])
But there's a fire on the ground, much more vile than any flame
It's the fire from within, it's the hope of time again
 
Is there a specific TUNE here guys? The lines keep getting away from me when I try to apply some sort of melody.
 
beedeebeedee - funny you should say that - I've just been working one out. I tend to work from the natural rhythm of the lyrics, and everybody's fitted brilliantly into the one I had in my head from the first two lines. If you think in terms of first beat of the first two consecutive full bars being on the syllables PAR and LAB it might help. Probably not. Sorry.

I've scored it in Logic Audio but can't find any way to cut and paste it into here.

Can't post a tune because since I've banned sequencing and sound modules from my life we record everything from proper instruments onto a VF80 and I've yet to fork out on a CD writer for it. When I do, which will be soon, I can transfer the waves onto the PC and mix them properly. (Don't tell me I can transfer it digitally via Spdif or whatever it's called because life's too short for all that shit.)

If anybody can tell me how to post a score here that would be great (tried PRintScreen and pasting into a gaphics package but that didn't work.)

Cal D - very cool, and you brought life back to a post I thought was on its way to oblivion. Loved the first line - fitted perfectly - and the first half of the second, didn't get the second half.

And you don't say where you're from.

Best wishes from a freezing London

Garry
 
There's a parcel in the mail (A)
And it's labelled with our address (B)
And i'm told its postpaid (A)
But i couldn't remember less (B)
About sending away for a big brown box (D[1])
That brings home the fighting and has no time for talks (D[2])

I can visualize the war, the pain - the shots (D[1])
There's a missile in the air, with eyes of a hawk (D[2])
But there's a fire on the ground, much more vile than any flame[?]
It's the fire from within, it's the hope of time again[?]
But the missle was a bomb in the shape of a plane
And the blinders have come off, my view on life is not the same


Sorry, but I didn't know what to put in the brackets. Forgive me for being a dummy.
 
with slight revisions

There's a parcel in the mail (A)
It's labelled with our own address (B)
And i'm told that it's postpaid (A)
But i can't remember less (B)

I didn't send for this brown box (A)
Sitting silently it speaks (B)
I visualize the war, the pain (A)
The cold cold sweat of all these weeks (B)

Chorus:

There's a missile in the air
Slicing through the dark
And it's meant for Tony Blair
But smells my blood just like a shark
When the bombs the bombs fell in the shape of a plane
The blinders fell off, my view on life is not the same
 
Cal D

Explaining my addition:

But there's a fire on the ground, much more vile than any flame
It's the fire from within, it's the hope of time again


These lines were meant to emphasize that there is hope in humanity. That something within us can withstand and prevail over terrorism.

It's the hope of time again..meaning it's the hope that we can start time again...to re-start in a world with greater harmony and understanding

by the way, when understanding replces money as a currency, all will be well

Cal...from Toronto
 
old garth line..

and when money talks for the very last time....
 
You can't write songs by committee, but there have been some very interesting thoughts.

Anyway, if anybody's interested I made my own take on all this and have got as far as two verses. Have done a very rough demo (our guitarist's on holiday so I had to do it, I also need new bass strings and I've never mixed anything before!) but for those interested in the melody etc:

It's called parcel demo on

http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=2045&alid=-1

You're welcome to slag off the words and/or melody, but this is not an MP3 clinic submission:p

Best for 2003

Garry
 
Hi Gary

I have to admit after reading the lyric I expected a different kind of music...more rock... a bit darker.....ya know?

I like the melody and the vox....I am just not sure if the lyric fits comfortably within the "attitude" of the music.

What do I know though.....ya know?

Good recording and mix man,
Joe
 
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