Is this piece for potential license to the manufacturer for an included war game theme for the product, potentially? Or something you listen to when you play the game yourself???
If you're hawking it for commercial use, I'd suggest adding some 'tooth' to the tracks. The evenness and subdued attack on the orchestral figures lends to a TV drama sound...like "The Young Doctors" or something.
War is grittier and punchier.
It's a decent theme, but more like the sound of a mind of a former soldier, thinking about his past, and struggling into the future....but not real-time combat. The angst is remote-sounding.
Y' gotta imagine the orchestra playing with urgency. Big transients. Bite and punch on the figures. For example , 1:33: the E to the D#minor modulation.....the new chord and key is a right-turn, but the change slides real slick...too slick...into the new tonality. The strings and horns should be banging that moment...impact, drama, surprise. Just one random spot I noted while listening. Give the players some black coffee, and bitch them into playing like they mean it, so to speak.
It's a good piece, but not maximized for emotional impact...which, I'm guessing, is what you want.
