anklepants

[gecko zzed]

I have been free and easy with my comments in this forum, and haven't hesitated to be critical of other's creations. Sometimes it's unpleasant to be on the receiving end, specially if we believe we have created a masterpiece in which we have a considerable emotional investment, and some ignorant upstart has the temerity to find fault with it.

So with heart in mouth, I would be interested in your reaction to one of my songs.

Lyrics are below, and there is a link following that. After I've posted this, I'll post a response which provides an explanation to help clear away the obscurity.

Anklepants

v1:
A dwarf came bouncing by one day,
upon his pogo stick,
he vaulted right into the car,
it was so slick a trick,
he said that he would like a date,
and would that be ok,
I gave a flick, I gave a shove,
and I was on my way.

ch:
There's a story there in every man,
you need to find it where you can,
from the fat into the frying pan,
or when they're wearing anklepants.

v2:
The major came a courting,
a-knocking on the door,
just one hug and one coffee,
he said he didn't want more,
you turned around to see the lie,
in the words he said,
attention and saluting,
the proof, it rears its head.

br:
The dreams are running wild.
enough to make you smile,
the dreams know they don't attack,
the dreams they won't fight back.

v3:
Lana's feeling left out,
she says she misses Pete,
at least the bit that's in between,
his belly and his feet,
she said she's got no stories,
the well is getting dry,
no dancing in the doorways,
no rocky mountain high.

http://www.myspace.com/mikeraine

 

[gecko zzed]

anklepants explained

The song was written about and for a friend of mine who had, at times, some turbulent experiences, and frequently used me as the brickwall to bang her head against.

The first verse is about a dream she once had, and is written from her perspective. The dream is as weird as dreams tend to be, but no less weird than her life generally. For her, it would be unsurprising if this really happened.

The second verse is the tale she told me of one of her suitors who came around ostensibly for "one hug and one coffee", but was no sooner in the door than he dropped his pants (hence the tilte of the song), hoping that she would be amazed and excited by nature's gift to him. (She wasn't!)

The third verse is a summary of her life at the time: between friends, missing intimacy and not having interesting stories to tell me (as if the above wasn't enough!). I enjoyed being her confidante, and she was the inspiration of many songs because of her interesting life. Some while ago I posted 'Pink boots' here, and that too was a track inspired by her. I have to say, that though remaining reasonably aloof, I was not immune to her appeal. The bridge, therefore, summarises my thoughts . . . we can always daydream, and these dreams don't get you into any trouble.

 

[icystorm]

Very contagious and original, Mike. I especially liked the ad-libs!

While I was listening, "ELO meets folk" came to mind. Good stuff.

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[up-fiddler]

The melody .....

..... is catchy as all hell! The storyline, once explained, is rife with cleverness. Prior to reading the explanation though, I still think it is original and thought provoking enough that the listener could develop their own meanings. Multiple interpretations, for me, is a bellweather of good writing. The vox and arrangement is great. I especially like the echolallic ending. You drag it out to a little over three minutes and then get out like a good songwriter should. Nicely done.

On the nitpicker's side of the balance.........The word "dwarf" in the first line needs to be articulated better. The listener won't catch it unless there is a lead sheet in front of them. It is a clever start no matter what the context. The listener needs to hear it and start wondering what the song is all about. Secondly, the bridge just dosn't seem to fit for me. I think the fact that you had to work so hard to get back into the melody line after the bridge supports that opinion. With your explanation, I understand its importance. It just feels out of place to me.

 

[gecko zzed]

On the nitpicker's side of the balance.........The word "dwarf" in the first line needs to be articulated better. The listener won't catch it unless there is a lead sheet in front of them. It is a clever start no matter what the context. The listener needs to hear it and start wondering what the song is all about. Secondly, the bridge just dosn't seem to fit for me. I think the fact that you had to work so hard to get back into the melody line after the bridge supports that opinion. With your explanation, I understand its importance. It just feels out of place to me.

Thanks for your comments. Your first comment highlights the everpresent danger of doing your own stuff. I know that the first words are "a dwarf", and in mixing and playing back, I, of course, can hear them quite clearly. It's not until someone else listens and tries to understand that the lack of clarity become evident.

As for the bridge: It is stylistically quite different from the rest of the song, which contributes to its out-of-placedness within it. However, I wanted it to be there, and because the song is a series of vignettes that I wanted to string together for the fun of it, it's not important to me for the whole thing to be internally consistent; I'm not trying to satisfy a general audience.

 

[SEDstar]

Like I said in the other thread, its a FUN little tune. And very, very different from everything else you hear on the radio in the states here. Novelty is wonderful...

my only issue?

LMAO

once you EXPLAINED the song was lyrically froma womans point of view... it suddenly made sense. Well, that and posting the lyrics, LMAO

The uninformed listener (hey, that was me, lol) thought a MAN was singing about the time a man jumped in his car for a date... and he shoved him out! (LMAO)

the major wanting a date... *shudder* (I wont even touch the mental image I got from "saluting" and "ankle pants", LMAO



NOW... if a *woman* were to sing this song? all well and good, eh?

PS - this reminds me of the time a singr I know got drunk at a karaoke bar, and proceeded to do a wonderful rendition of a slow, husky, love song... SOBER he remembers to switch the lyrics to a man singing to a woman he lost... LMAO... tipsy, he totally didnt realize until he sat down and asked why people were staring, hee hee.

Like much in life, hindsight is 20/20... hee hee

PS - seriously, I think going from 70's ballad, to classical, to a fun big band swinging sound, is indicative of serious talent. (but you earn a living at this, you likely know this already...)

PPS - that was just the piano track you heard... I flesh out the melody counterpoint system(s) on a piano track first, so I can plan/plot the rest of the orchestra...AND I went back and registered with my original file hoster... should be all good to go now, except with full orchestral instrumentation added...