...an unfinished lyric up for review

[AbeLowsmoker]

hello all,

I'm new to this site and haven't posted anything much upto now.

I was reading this forum this morning and got the urge to write some ideas down and I thought "hey, they inspired me, lets see what they think".

All feedback is welcome, I know I'm probably sh*te so hold no punches, I gotta learn man!

thx

here we go (remember its nowhere near finished)



Bad Seed

Ignorance passed as intelligence
The greed of the bad seed puts you down
Your candle burned so brightly – its radiance excited me
A luminescent lighthouse in a fog of mediocrity
Words cannot escape me so I hold them in bravely
I’ll take your flowers with me (x2)

Hiding high above us all
A moral standpoint won’t break your fall
Riding high you seem so small
You take the high ground - while we watch the bad seed stumble

 

[Axis]

well I liked it...
its pretty short but thats cool


i love the line
A luminescent lighthouse in a fog of mediocrity

mediocrity is my favorite word i've heard in my life.

 

[Abyyss]

Short but sweet.

I like it quite a lot.

It definately needs lengthening (well it doesn't have to but it'd be nice if it did)

 

[dragonworks]

Nothin wrong with them lyrics sounds like a minor key to me.
Remember, you are your own worst critic.

 

[AbeLowsmoker]

thanks you guys

Thanks for the feedback, all quite positive as well, so I'm chuffed.

Like I say, the lyric is a work in progress, and as it is the first song I'm writing for a new project studio, hopefully I will post throughout the recording and post the finished song when it's done.

peace.

 

[Richie Woods]

Re: thanks you guys

hopefully I will post throughout the recording and post the finished song when it's done.

Fine lyrics.

When you do have a tune up for a listen, you should recieve plenty of constructive criticism here for both your mix and your writing.

Good luck!

 

[Henri Devill]

Cool words...You got a substitute for "candle"?The rest of your idea has got some good stuff going on...and "candle" is ..well..you know..Its kinda been done alot...IMHO



Don