Amsterdam...

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RAMI

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This is far from finished. I like the vibe and the idea but I know I probably have to re-do the vox and re-mix it. But as is always the case, I like posting here to get opinions because alot of you guys hear things I don't and my songs end up better because of it. So any comments, suggestions or criticism you might have will be appreciated...thanx

AMSTERDAM
 
I`m listening right now, I love the baas intro, very cool playing...
I think the song is really mellow and innocent "I mean this in a good way" my poor english puts some verbal constraints on me. :)

If I were to make a suggestion on the vox, It would be cool if you could make them a bit more soft and mellow, if you were to rerecord.
Not that the first vox are bad in anyway, I just thought it could sound cool.

Just a few notches over whispering. you would offcourse raise the voice as the track progress.
again this is merly a suggestion. :o :)

again I love your lyrics man.

I love the simplicity and the feel of your guitar solo, very right for the tune.

Your drumming is spot on as usual, same with the bass.

and I love the way the intro comes back in the end of the song, really pro work Rami. :)
 
Cool song. A kind of fantasy escape ballad. I like the lead gtr a lot - interesting lines - one of your best I think. Solid bass, also with nice turns in the line, and excellent drums.

Before it all gets heavier at 2:50, the backing guitar on the left I think could be more effective if it played just a smooth 8th note arpeggio going up and down, maybe with an occasional punctuating chord or syncopated arpeggio rhythm. The left guitar and vocal are a little high end heavy, to my ear, and the percussion on the 2nd beat that starts in the beginning is just a little loud to me. I like Nakatira's idea of softening the singing for the gentler parts. It'd be interesting as a contrast.

Never been to Amsterdam myself.

Tim
 
Man, this is a catchy enjoyable intro... I could relax to this :)
I like the distant electrics in the background too...
I'd personally bring up the clean in the mix around 1:15 part, I know it's there but it's hard to here on my system, might sound cool breaking through a bit more
I like the backup vocals come in, sounds good

That's really cool when you bring in the electric too, really climactic... then the solo... that's cool, the track built up from relaxing to real exciting, then back to that feel good relaxtion...

yeah, i really enjoyed this track ;)
 
I just came back from Amsterdam. But then again, I live in Holland.

Can´t listen to it now, but I´m very curious :)
 
Thanx dudes. I'm posting songs much earlier in their evolution than I used to just because I always love the suggestions I get here, it's like having a few more sets of ears in the studio with me. When I first came here, I'd only post a song after it was re-worked to death and I tohught it was finished. This one was posted about an hour after recording it for the first time.

I think I like all the leads. Being a non-guitar player, I have to admit that I think I came up with some pretty good lines. Nothing to blow anyone away, but good none-the-less. The vocal approach, I had no idea what would work. I tried a more aggressive approach since the music was so mellow, but now that you guys seemed to agree, I will try a softer approach. Still a llittle eq'ing and mixing to do also...Once again, thanx.
 
RAMI said:
I think I like all the leads. Being a non-guitar player, I have to admit that I think I came up with some pretty good lines. Nothing to blow anyone away, but good none-the-less. The vocal approach, I had no idea what would work. I tried a more aggressive approach since the music was so mellow, but now that you guys seemed to agree, I will try a softer approach. Still a llittle eq'ing and mixing to do also...Once again, thanx.
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Hey sure, sounds like this is going to be a great track ;) I listened again this morning and think the music sounds great. Your leads fit perfectly IMO, if you tried to spice those up or something I think it'd almost feel out of place.

Yeah I'd go with a real mellow laid back vocal style then maybe pick it up for the chorus. & just a minor suggestion (i think it's my first about lyrics ;) so don't take it too seriously) I'd personally changed the second "send me a ticket to amsterdam" to something else when you start repeating it... it just sounded a bit repeative & like something else was coming when the song was building. Just a thought...

Cool listen :cool:
 
SnakeDog5050 said:
I'd personally changed the second "send me a ticket to amsterdam" to something else when you start repeating it... it just sounded a bit repeative & like something else was coming when the song was building.
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Funny you should say that. When this tune was first perculating in my brain, the phrase was actually "Send me PICTURES of Amsterdam". I changed it to "TICKETS" to suit the story, but you may have something there. I can probably use both. Nice one, Snaker, I might use both.
 
Just uploaded a newer version. I took Snake's suggestions and changed the lyric a bit. Also sang it more laid back. I will still re-record some lines that are shaky, pitchy and wobbly (I refuse to auto-tune, I'd rather suck on my own). This song should have probably been written a tone higher. It's low which makes it hard to hold some notes, and also makes it hard to find the right "voice" for it. But I think I'm on the right track with the softer vocal approach thanx to you guys. I re-eq'd the guitars based on Tim's comments. Thanx, my virtual co-engineers, I appreciate your ears and wisdom.
 
This is better, the lyrics changes were good.

I think if you`re comfortable with singing any melower, like a wispering voice, it would suit the song good, specially in the intro
and on the werses, could be very cool on this song.
this is merly a suggestion though.

It sounds good the way it is, but I just cant get it out of my head this idea of really mellow soft vox.

and by the way this sung has been stuck in my mind all day, its a damn cathcy tune :)

you have a brilliant tune here. :cool:
 
Thanx Nak...I did sing it mellower, but maybe not enough. I'm scared to sing it too soft, I don't want to sound gay (not there's anything wrong with that...hehe). But I will try next time I re-do the vocals, which will have to happen.
Funny, my ex-girlfriend was with me last night, and I could tell by her reaction to the song that she thought it was ok, but it wasn't anywhere near her favorite song of mine. But she had it in her head all day today...so that's a good thing.
 
RAMI said:
This is far from finished. I like the vibe and the idea but I know I probably have to re-do the vox and re-mix it. But as is always the case, I like posting here to get opinions because alot of you guys hear things I don't and my songs end up better because of it. So any comments, suggestions or criticism you might have will be appreciated...thanx

AMSTERDAM
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Rami, I've tried to grab this a few times today, and it seems sounclick is down all teh time. I'll try again later, as I want to hear it. Just letting you know, that my drunken state hasn't made me forget about it. :eek:
 
I hate fucking soundshit...It fucking sux donkey coccks...it's down all the fucking time.
 
If Soundshit is down, go HERE and click on the third tune "AMSTERDAM", if you want to hear it.
 
Wow, my first Rami tune where I have criticisms... !! :eek: :D :eek: :D

I guess this is where coming from the jazz side instead of the rock side makes a difference to my ear; the drums here sound mechanical; almost like a machine. It's rock solid, but almost TOO solid, the sidestick groove lacks some personality. This song sounds like it wants a half-time back beat. Try the drum track with the same groove as now, except skip the sidestick on 2 and substitute and accented hihat. Just sidestick on 4. When it breaks in the full snare groove, do what you're doing; as that part is cohesive.

I'm not as fond of the hard panning of the guitars either, there's some "disconnect" in the blend as a result. Or, lay in a gentle B3 or sting pad over it to help blend... Lovely tune though!! Awaiting the finished product!!
 
Awesome insight, brother. I will try everything you suggested. So no sidestick on 2??? but keep it on 4, if I understand you correctly...I will try that. As far as B3, etc...I don't know if anyone ever noticed, but I do not put any keyboards on my songs. I'm not saying your suggestion is invalid, but it's irrelevant in this case, only because I just don't do keyboards. But your suggestion does make me think that I need to play with the guitar arrngement to create some kind of build up in the arrangement. Thnax buddy, your insight is well received and taken seriously.
 
RAMI said:
Awesome insight, brother. I will try everything you suggested. So no sidestick on 2??? but keep it on 4, if I understand you correctly...I will try that. As far as B3, etc...I don't know if anyone ever noticed, but I do not put any keyboards on my songs. I'm not saying your suggestion is invalid, but it's irrelevant in this case, only because I just don't do keyboards. But your suggestion does make me think that I need to play with the guitar arrngement to create some kind of build up in the arrangement. Thnax buddy, your insight is well received and taken seriously.
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Hmm, wasn't thinking about that. Anyway, yes, skip the sidestick on 2, tap the hat harder so there's an "implied" backbeat there...
 
RAMI said:
Just uploaded a newer version. I took Snake's suggestions and changed the lyric a bit. Also sang it more laid back. I will still re-record some lines that are shaky, pitchy and wobbly (I refuse to auto-tune, I'd rather suck on my own). This song should have probably been written a tone higher. It's low which makes it hard to hold some notes, and also makes it hard to find the right "voice" for it. But I think I'm on the right track with the softer vocal approach thanx to you guys. I re-eq'd the guitars based on Tim's comments. Thanx, my virtual co-engineers, I appreciate your ears and wisdom.
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Awesome man. Sounds great on my system. I think those mellower vocals fit great. It sounds perfect to me, but you never know if you don't try a softer version I guess ;)

I like the lyric change too. It's still just kind of crazy to me that I make a suggestion to a musician as good as you & then hear it the next day :)

Hehe, your ex's opinion is wrong ;) but she's right about the catchy/sticking in head part.
 
SnakeDog5050 said:
Hehe, your ex's opinion is wrong ;) but she's right about the catchy/sticking in head part.
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Well, I was sticking SOMETHING in her head, anyway.:) :D :p
 
RAMI said:
Well, I was sticking SOMETHING in her head, anyway.:) :D :p
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I'll tell her you said that.

Good intro, but either halve its length, or the second set of 4 bars introduce some variation, like a bit of piano, otherwise wake the singer up 4 bars earlier and keep the intro short and sweet. Either way would work though.

First guitar break, man: replace it with something more supportive of the established mood, just a little colour, not too melodic, to allow some reflection on what's been said. Next verse would feel stronger that way.

An a-no-ma-ly....mmmm. Any other way you can phrase that? As it is, it like you're ad-libbing cheesily - I know you're not, but it sounds that way. Must be a better way to accommodate that lyric.

"It's just the same old same old I’m so tired of being so tired, so..."

Mmmm...how about:

"It's just the same old being so tired of being so tired, so..."

Bang on, whoever's comment it was about the split guitars - needs something to fill the hole in the middle: try pads, organ, whatever you were sticking in your girlfriend's head, experiment.

Guitars, guitars. Just seems a bit too much single line stuff, which dates an otherwise quite original song idea.

All very critical, but well-meant. There's a good song in there, but it needs pruning.
 
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