AFTER the BURING Song Sketch

[rayc]

This is the link to a song sketch
http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=5814810&q=hi
It's still as rough as can be but the melody, chord progression and lyrics are almost sorted.
Any ideas, thoughts or comments about the progression, melody & lyrics?

After the Burning

And the pain is everlasting,
though I know it has no value.
And I’d dearly like to hold you,
but I know I’ll never reach out.

And the darkness is my blanket,
protection from the yearning.
And the wheels wind down inside my head,
No longer are they turning.
And of promises never kept,
come the lesson I keep learning.
And my arms caress the lonely void
of all that remains after the burning.

And the sun is always shining,
but I think it’s going nova.
And I long to see the faces,
through the fog that now surrounds me.

And I feel no more the anguish,
for the blood has ceased to flow there.
And dancing circles with shadows,
broken rhythm - never started.

And the darkness is my consort,
protection from the spurning.
And the wheels wind down inside my head,
no longer are they turning.
And of promises never made,
comes the crisis of returning.
And my arms caress the lonely void
of all that remains after the burning.

M16 solo/s

And the darkness is my cover,
it asks nought of things concerning.
The wheels wind down inside my head,
no longer are they turning.
And of tears that were never wept,
their sweet makers too discerning.
And my arms caress the lonely void
of all that remains after the burning.

And I look down at my breath,
I can see the mist that’s swirling.
And my arms reach out for someone,
though I know that I shan’t reach her.

And the Fire is all consuming,
yet I know it will not touch you.
And the words cannot be written,
for they no longer have a meaning…
All that remains after the burning.

Cochrane

 

[Monkey Allen]

What's that washing, sweeping instrument tone. That's sounds pretty dang good. The melody is fairly straight forward. The progression is straight forward as well. The lyrics are pretty phonically suited, I mean they aren't out of place...lots of 'ing' endings...which must have suggested itself to you as you were writing it. You must have heard that kind of phrasing or inflection. It's funny how that works itself out. I'm not gonna say that I am completely down with the lyrical meaning...only my interpretation.

Keep going ray...anyway...what are your thoughts, what do you think af it?

 

[up-fiddler]

And the darkness is my blanket,
protection from the yearning.
And the wheels wind down inside my head,
No longer are they turning.
And of promises never kept,
come the lesson I keep learning.
And my arms caress the lonely void
of all that remains after the burning.

And the darkness is my consort,
protection from the spurning.
And the wheels wind down inside my head,
no longer are they turning.

This is just a bit better than great! I have trouble with Soundclick and don't head there anymore so I haven't heard the song. These lyrics are both powerful and rhythmic. The rest of the song could use a bit of rewrite to bring it up to this standard in my opinion. That may be difficult to do without destroying the storyline though. My thoughts, of course, are usually worth $.02 on a good day so you should take that into consideration also.

 

[ido1957]

Another classic Pygmy Beat tune Ray and Terry.....

The lyrics reflect a very strong grasp of the language. They are both mature and eloquent, evoking images, feelings and emotions. They are a large step above the usual drivel which is a refreshing change .The rhyme/no rhyme structure is a good idea.

I like the overall arrangement of the song. The lower harmonies work well. Speeding up the phrasing after the break adds a new feel to the song. The slow and fast phrases are similar but each have completely different feel.

The overlapping of vocals between verses/chorus is a great way to keep the song flowing.

The ending seems rushed as it fades very quickly after the last word. I would perhaps try and draw out the phrase or add some effects as you did before…..then fade (just an idea)…

PS – I also like that unique “swooshing” sound you have in the background…..

Gerry

 

[rayc]

Hello Monkey Allen,
The sweeping wash is an effect from a late '80's effect unit called a Yamaha FX500. The original effect is called Soft Focus, I tweaked it by removing some top end etc & renamed it 'cello focus as I was attempting to emulate a 'cello. It's just my guitar plugged straight into the effect, the chord progression strummed with the stereo result combined to mono. It works a treat - needs some taming though. Thanks for the kind words.
Hi up-fiddler,
You are so kind! The verses are pretty much as written by an angsty 19yr old (me). The choruses are the 50 year old I now am reworking what were the in place verses from the original but with a realisation that prose poetry doesn't always work in a song. I'll pop a copy of the track onto myspace this arvo in case you have less of a prob. with that site. I will give things a rework. It worked so far & may work even further into it. MYSPACE upload is done - just click the mspace link in my signature line.
ido1957,
You are a generous fellow. I was inspired by your recent offering. Unlike you I'm unable to write honestly and with naked emotion so I reworked something old that was at least angsty emotional. The verse-chorus/non rhyme - rhyme became apparent when I realised Terry would have to do the hard work of constructing a melody without support - I knew he's manage but having an occasional rhyme does make lfe easier particularly when I didn't even have the grace to leave him some faux rhymes to cheat with.
The ist version Terry came up with had some cramming at the ends of lines etc so I suggested he record alternate stanzas across 2 tracks to give him the space to hold notes etc - it also made those little overlpas & collisions that give a better flow and sense of urgency.
I prematurely cut off the ending - the 4 track tape has a spacey, drawn out ending that I'll have to resurrect now you've suggested it.
The Yamaha FX500 unit comes highly recommended by me. It's been going really cheaply on eBay - 2 in the last 6 months or so. Sold for <AUS$100 - Kim bought it for me in about 87 for $700+ . It has PATHETIC distortion settings though.
Thank you folks, I'll play about with things & get back to you.