a tune for your consideration, ladies and gentlemen

[octa b nuova]

Hey y'all. I recently put this little ditty through the Lib of Congress and now I want to see what you all think.

You shop at Sav-a-Lot
and down at Goodwill, too
but you'd give up all the brand names
to save a buck or two.

You make your calls on Sundays
after the rates go down
after five o clock on Fridays
is when you park your car downtown.

CH

if you dig things that are cheap
listen to me
if you dig things that are cheap now, baby
my love is free

V2

I picked you a bunch of flowers
I got 'em in the city park
I'll take you to the zoo
but only after dark

we could take a trip
I'll borrow my momma's car
Goddamn you're so beautiful
here's your library card

CH

If you dig things that are cheap,
then listen to me
if you dig things that are cheap now, baby
my love is free

BRIDGE

We've put a price on everything
fast cars and diamond rings
we've put a price on everything but our hearts

V3

Someday I'll fall in line
and get a neck-tie job
yeah, I'll be makin' money, takin' things like my
name was Rob

but until that bright day
when I get my finance on
I'll get down on my knees and I'll pray
that the price of your heart
is just a song...

CH 3 (same as the previous, repeated ad naseum)

feedback?

 

[mikeh]

I like the wa you take a routine activity (discount shopping) and turn it into a love song ("my love is free") - very clever concept.

While the song tells a story with a start, middle & end - it does seem the third verse is a little weak. It seems like you were trying to complete the story, but started to run out of clever phrases.

It is a common songwritiing problem - often by the third verse the muse starts to leave and it gets harder to keep the quality up.

With the exeption of that small critique - all in all a very clever song.

 

[esteban!]

the concept is clever indeed, but some of the rhyming seemed a bit forced; i could never get into a rhythm where it would all flow. all in all, a great start

 

[esteban!]

the concept is clever indeed, but some of the rhyming seemed a bit forced; i could never get into a rhythm where it would all flow. all in all, a great start.

 

[johneeeveee]

... if it's a country song, like the new country stuff, you've got yerself a hit.