A Pain In My Love - New Song

[Chili]

Got a new song up... Vocals start out pretty low range for me, might still need some work there.

i would enjoy any and all comments...

Thanks!!!

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9221601


A Pain In My Love

Woke up this morning with the world feeling sore
Had trouble putting my feet on the floor
I knew something was wrong, when I looked in the mirror.
There was her number in the reddest lipstick
I felt that knot in my stomach get thick
Everything's gone south, now that everything's clearer.

Chorus
I never thought that she'd be the one
She's changed my plans even though I had none
This girl's an addiction I can never get enough.
A bonafide infliction, She's just a Pain In My Love.

I did something I should never had done
Picked up the phone and said Last night was fun,
Wanna come over and do it over again??
She gave a tug and firmly set the hook
I'll see you tonight, was all that it took
A technical knockout before the count of ten.

(Chorus)

Oh, I know I'll never love another again
And this pain is all I've ever wanted since then
And I'm not sure I ever understood
Just why it feels so good.

(Chorus)

 

[heatmiser]

Drums and bass sound cool...what do you use for drums? Tons of good energy. Guitar parts are cool...distortion is a little on the fuzzy side, but very close to having the growl that I think this tune needs...

The vocal performance is very spirited. It's cool how you get your voice to break up on the lower parts. I think sound-wise, the vocals could use some more air or something. There's just this odd quality to them on my set up as if you were congested or something...not sure - listened a few times but something was buggin me about that.

Liked the guitar harmony inserted right at the end there...good job

 

[Chili]

Thanks for listening, Heat. Yeah, I'm not sure what to do about the vocals, except maybe retrack. I feel some parts sit okay, but others don't and I have them compressed about as much as I think it will handle.

I use ezdrummer and do a lot of editing. Bass is just my Yamaha plugged into a mic pre.

Thanks man.

 

[Greg_L]

The vocals do sort of jump in and out. One thing you can try is to double track everything as close to the original as possible, and then drop it down in the mix just to thicken things up. Or maybe just double track the verses. I do stuff like that from time to time and it helps the low parts. Some harmonies in the chorus would be nice. The vocals also have a sort of high-midrangey sound to them. Cleaner lows and highs in the vocal track will improve the sound. The guitars are cool. Like em. Bass and kick sit nicely. I think the snare and overheads may be a hair too loud. I know, crazy, right? And maybe dial back some of the room mic if you used it in ez drummer. The hats and snare are jumping all over everything at times. Not bad overall.

 

[maximusbs]

Good song, I liked it! Great playing. Just a few nits - the verse vox need some presence, doubling, eq, etc. The high stuff is too splishy-splashy; I think it's the hardware that's drowning out part of the good guitar business.

 

[Chili]

The vocals do sort of jump in and out. One thing you can try is to double track everything as close to the original as possible, and then drop it down in the mix just to thicken things up. Or maybe just double track the verses. I do stuff like that from time to time and it helps the low parts. Some harmonies in the chorus would be nice. The vocals also have a sort of high-midrangey sound to them. Cleaner lows and highs in the vocal track will improve the sound. The guitars are cool. Like em. Bass and kick sit nicely. I think the snare and overheads may be a hair too loud. I know, crazy, right? And maybe dial back some of the room mic if you used it in ez drummer. The hats and snare are jumping all over everything at times. Not bad overall.

Hmm, I hadn't thought about double tracking. I've done it with previous songs but kinda stopped doing it because I felt I was getting good tracks with one take. But yeah, I should try that here. Yeah, a little weird when you're saying to turn down the snare; I'll do it. Thanks for listening and the good advice.

Good song, I liked it! Great playing. Just a few nits - the verse vox need some presence, doubling, eq, etc. The high stuff is too splishy-splashy; I think it's the hardware that's drowning out part of the good guitar business.

Cool, glad you liked the song. I struggled to get the vox to sit well and knew I didn't pull it off. I don't know why, never had this much trouble with my recent songs. Now with these comments, I know I've got to go back and redo the vox. Thanks man!!

 

[dewhitt]

Hey Chili, I just gave it a listen, and the same thing hit me about the vocals, especially the first couple of lines in the verses. I think double tracking is a fine idea to try, and if all else fails, maybe try to rework the melody for those lines. I've had to do that a bunch of times on tunes, and it's a bitch at first, because you've got the melody that you originally came up with in your head, and you think it's the best one. However, if you can manage to get over that mindset, you might be able to come up with a line that's a little higher/different that you can deliver with a little more confidence and oomph that would punch through better.

I don't have any mix nits, I like your guitar tones and levels, etc. The beginning to me sounds like the guitar is panned right with verb panned left, and that sounds really great to my ear.

Nice Work!

Best Regards,

Dave DeWhitt
www.soundclick.com/davedewhitt

 

[joeym]

Reading the title I thought it would be a sad-maso song......
Pretty good song Dave, but the one thing that jumped out at me was the drums: they sound very programmed and that funky rythm could be programmed a bit more solid. Some times they give the impression of timing hitches. I thought the rest sounded pretty good though, your recordings are always nice and clear. So, just a bit more work and you're there....

Joey

 

[PoeticIntensity]

Hey Chili! Nice tune! I love the lyrics!

Just a few nits... I'm hearing the potential for a lot of harmonies in the vocals, which would fatten out the vocals quite a bit. I also am noticing from the get-go that there's something funky about the rhythm... Not sure if it's in the drums, or guitars, or what, but during the solid parts where the beat should add energy to the song, it's kind of sucking it out due to those rhythm issues... I wish I could be more descriptive, but I can't put my finger on it. Just something is out of whack, causing a distortion in the pumping rhythm, which kind of deflates the vibe.

Great tune, though!

 

[CIRO]

Hi, Chili !!! :

(first: love the guitars)

If I have to change something in the mix... vox before 0:40 looks like you need some compression and/or automation - the lower notes on voice are great, but really low in frequency range and mix...IMO adding some dbs would works...

Overall a great song and performance as usual.

Ciro

 

[Chili]

Hey Chili, I just gave it a listen, and the same thing hit me about the vocals, especially the first couple of lines in the verses. I think double tracking is a fine idea to try, and if all else fails, maybe try to rework the melody for those lines. I've had to do that a bunch of times on tunes, and it's a bitch at first, because you've got the melody that you originally came up with in your head, and you think it's the best one. However, if you can manage to get over that mindset, you might be able to come up with a line that's a little higher/different that you can deliver with a little more confidence and oomph that would punch through better.

I don't have any mix nits, I like your guitar tones and levels, etc. The beginning to me sounds like the guitar is panned right with verb panned left, and that sounds really great to my ear.

Nice Work!

Best Regards,

Dave DeWhitt
www.soundclick.com/davedewhitt

Thanks for the nice ideas. Yeah, I think doubling the vox will be the first plan, then maybe looking at reworking the melody. The thought crossed my mind, but like you said, I'm really hesitant. The intro was originally two guitars, one on each side, but at the last minute, I turned the left down almost all teh way then back up when everything else kicks in. Thanks Dave!!!

Reading the title I thought it would be a sad-maso song......
Pretty good song Dave, but the one thing that jumped out at me was the drums: they sound very programmed and that funky rythm could be programmed a bit more solid. Some times they give the impression of timing hitches. I thought the rest sounded pretty good though, your recordings are always nice and clear. So, just a bit more work and you're there....

Joey

Yeah, it is kind of a sad-maso song. ha ha ha, but in an upbeat way. Isn't that the way all relationships start out?? I kind of like the funky rhythm thing goin on. Does it really sound programmed? I spent a bit of time trying to remove that feel. I'll take a look at it again, maybe a few more fills here and there to break it up. Thanks Joey, always look forward to your thoughts.

Hey Chili! Nice tune! I love the lyrics!

Just a few nits... I'm hearing the potential for a lot of harmonies in the vocals, which would fatten out the vocals quite a bit. I also am noticing from the get-go that there's something funky about the rhythm... Not sure if it's in the drums, or guitars, or what, but during the solid parts where the beat should add energy to the song, it's kind of sucking it out due to those rhythm issues... I wish I could be more descriptive, but I can't put my finger on it. Just something is out of whack, causing a distortion in the pumping rhythm, which kind of deflates the vibe.

Great tune, though!

Thanks for the comments on the lyrics. I like to think writing lyrics is my strong point, I'm glad some people look at them. So another vote against the Funky rhythm vibe. I'm curious as to what you mean by distortion in the pumping rhythm. I do change it up between verses and choruses. Do you think it throws the vibe out the window? And yup, harmonies could work. I need to do that. Thanks for listening!!

Hi, Chili !!! :

(first: love the guitars)

If I have to change something in the mix... vox before 0:40 looks like you need some compression and/or automation - the lower notes on voice are great, but really low in frequency range and mix...IMO adding some dbs would works...

Overall a great song and performance as usual.

Ciro

Hey Ciro, thanks man. I've got the vox pretty heavily compressed, but I don't know why they didn't come out so good this time. Probably a couple of factors, bottom of my range, eq, lack of ability.... I don't know... Thanks brother.

 

[Bulls Hit]

Yeah I like this. It strikes me that the lower register vocal parts aren't cutting through as well as the higher parts. You could maybe do some fader rides on those parts, or maybe some careful eq boosts. Also the vocals are a lot dryer than the drums which keeps them in a separate place. I'm not a huge fan of reverb but a little can go a long way. Cool tune

 

[K-dub]

Yeah I like this. It strikes me that the lower register vocal parts aren't cutting through as well as the higher parts. You could maybe do some fader rides on those parts, or maybe some careful eq boosts. Also the vocals are a lot dryer than the drums which keeps them in a separate place. I'm not a huge fan of reverb but a little can go a long way. Cool tune

My notice too ... exactly.

Enjoyed the tune, C.

Kev-

 

[VomitHatSteve]

I'm always a fan of a blues song that starts with the line "I woke up this morning..."

Yeah, the vocals that you aren't belting are definitely too quiet.

Your crash cymbals sound like they're much farther away than the rest of the kit.

Guitar tone is good.

The song's catchy. Nice work.

 

[jeffmaher]

OK! A tune with a lot of potential. Allow me to offer some ideas that could pump it up.

The tune type is real "ZZ Top" breath. But one of the things it lacks is a rolling momentum, and here's, I think, how you could get the horsepower up.

The opening riff...signature line...is choppy. Not enough flow between the notes. And it could use a moment more of change in contour...it goes up, and down, without melodic and/or rythmic dipsy-doodles...like a SRV blues lick. A more interesting line, played with more authority ang guts, would strengthen that important hook-line a lot.

Drums. Need some velocity variation in the snare. The grace notes are in need of a MS delay beyond the pulse...and more variable...to get some organic feel to them. A little quantized swing on the snare data might do the trick to un-stiffen the graces. Somehow, the straight time on the eighths isn't sounding right...the first grace note I heard w/ fresh ear sounded off-time....even though, if these are midi cans, the grid is spot-on.

The bass plays the signature guitar figure during most of the tune, unison. A pedaling bass playing eighths on the root would add momentum and texture to the hook...like a ZZT feel thing. When the bass plays the hook melody, the bottom drops out of the groove.

The rythm guitar behind the verses could also pump by playing more eighths....chug chug chug....with some punctuation on the off-beats: chug chug BAH doom-doom BAH [rest]. And adding that to the pedaling bass in during the hook line....momentum...rockin' hammock thang. [ref "She Got Legs" eg. Some 16th feel, as in that tune, might be a useful addition for this piece...on hats, or some other instrument??]] Or just paste a track like that over what you got. It's an element that just sounds like it's missing. [the timbre of the whole song is 1966 San Fran rock...when they were still trying to figure out how to mesh gears in R&R. If that's what you wanted, you got it. But if you want it to thunder more, it's off the mark]

At 1:41 the bass plays the two-note on the 'and-of-four'. It's a weak anticipation...so weak, it sounds like an error...misleads the ear on the next chord. The note would lend power if it were the fifth of the following chord, instead.

The solo: I'd suggest not trying to play so many notes. What it lacks is authority...the kind of cock-sure aggressiveness SRV could play on one or two notes. Drink some likker, roll eyes into head...think FTW...and dig in! Go crazy, and put some urgency in that sukkah. Three note solos, played with real guts {SRV/Albert King} are a lot more moving than hesitating hunt and peck...which is the way it comes off.

One more thing...can you rip your vocal chords and sing this one an octave up? That'd solve the lack of verve in the vox! The tune's key is F#..so I reckon you capo'd up to put it in a better range to sing. I'd suggest Key of E...down a step. Sing the octave up. It'd lend a lot more bottom and intensity. If it's still too high to sing, I'd try detuning another half or whole step Eb , D ] on the bass and guits to get it so you can sing the octave up on the vocal. And the added 'alt rock' boom in the bottom wouldn' hurt...and get a unique sound for the piece. Hendrix and SRV always detuned a half-step..and a lot of alt bands always detune a whole-step. Changes the feel radically...and could be another element that'd put this tune over the top!

Hope you find that stuff helpful...and not unnecessarily 'nitty'. Like I said, the tune has a lot of potential.....but the structure, performances, and blueprint could use some refinement
MHOFWWIW...I tremble as I hit 'submit'.

 

[Chili]

Yeah I like this. It strikes me that the lower register vocal parts aren't cutting through as well as the higher parts. You could maybe do some fader rides on those parts, or maybe some careful eq boosts. Also the vocals are a lot dryer than the drums which keeps them in a separate place. I'm not a huge fan of reverb but a little can go a long way. Cool tune

Thanks man. I'll look at the reverb. And I'll be redoing vocals in a couple of weeks. Gotta head out of town for a little while.

My notice too ... exactly.

Enjoyed the tune, C.

Kev-

Thanks Kev.

I'm always a fan of a blues song that starts with the line "I woke up this morning..."

Yeah, the vocals that you aren't belting are definitely too quiet.

Your crash cymbals sound like they're much farther away than the rest of the kit.

Guitar tone is good.

The song's catchy. Nice work.

Thanks Steve!!! You mean someone else wrote that line???

OK! A tune with a lot of potential. Allow me to offer some ideas that could pump it up.

The tune type is real "ZZ Top" breath. But one of the things it lacks is a rolling momentum, and here's, I think, how you could get the horsepower up.

The opening riff...signature line...is choppy. Not enough flow between the notes. And it could use a moment more of change in contour...it goes up, and down, without melodic and/or rythmic dipsy-doodles...like a SRV blues lick. A more interesting line, played with more authority ang guts, would strengthen that important hook-line a lot.

Drums. Need some velocity variation in the snare. The grace notes are in need of a MS delay beyond the pulse...and more variable...to get some organic feel to them. A little quantized swing on the snare data might do the trick to un-stiffen the graces. Somehow, the straight time on the eighths isn't sounding right...the first grace note I heard w/ fresh ear sounded off-time....even though, if these are midi cans, the grid is spot-on.

The bass plays the signature guitar figure during most of the tune, unison. A pedaling bass playing eighths on the root would add momentum and texture to the hook...like a ZZT feel thing. When the bass plays the hook melody, the bottom drops out of the groove.

The rythm guitar behind the verses could also pump by playing more eighths....chug chug chug....with some punctuation on the off-beats: chug chug BAH doom-doom BAH [rest]. And adding that to the pedaling bass in during the hook line....momentum...rockin' hammock thang. [ref "She Got Legs" eg. Some 16th feel, as in that tune, might be a useful addition for this piece...on hats, or some other instrument??]] Or just paste a track like that over what you got. It's an element that just sounds like it's missing. [the timbre of the whole song is 1966 San Fran rock...when they were still trying to figure out how to mesh gears in R&R. If that's what you wanted, you got it. But if you want it to thunder more, it's off the mark]

At 1:41 the bass plays the two-note on the 'and-of-four'. It's a weak anticipation...so weak, it sounds like an error...misleads the ear on the next chord. The note would lend power if it were the fifth of the following chord, instead.

The solo: I'd suggest not trying to play so many notes. What it lacks is authority...the kind of cock-sure aggressiveness SRV could play on one or two notes. Drink some likker, roll eyes into head...think FTW...and dig in! Go crazy, and put some urgency in that sukkah. Three note solos, played with real guts {SRV/Albert King} are a lot more moving than hesitating hunt and peck...which is the way it comes off.

One more thing...can you rip your vocal chords and sing this one an octave up? That'd solve the lack of verve in the vox! The tune's key is F#..so I reckon you capo'd up to put it in a better range to sing. I'd suggest Key of E...down a step. Sing the octave up. It'd lend a lot more bottom and intensity. If it's still too high to sing, I'd try detuning another half or whole step Eb , D ] on the bass and guits to get it so you can sing the octave up on the vocal. And the added 'alt rock' boom in the bottom wouldn' hurt...and get a unique sound for the piece. Hendrix and SRV always detuned a half-step..and a lot of alt bands always detune a whole-step. Changes the feel radically...and could be another element that'd put this tune over the top!

Hope you find that stuff helpful...and not unnecessarily 'nitty'. Like I said, the tune has a lot of potential.....but the structure, performances, and blueprint could use some refinement
MHOFWWIW...I tremble as I hit 'submit'.

LOL, no need to tremble, I love that you take the time to disect submissions here in the clinic. That's what this place is about. You offer up a lot of advice and I'll be looking more closely at it when I go to rework the song. But to be upfront, I'm probably not going to change much in the backing tracks or solo. Just adjusting levels and fx mostly and concentrating on the vox.

Never been a big ZZTop fan and I purposely avoided the single 8th note bass line. Always love a moving bass line ala the Dead, hence your San Fran reference. I'll never pretend to be anything like SRV, I'll leave that for the John Mayer's of the world. I think SRV is great and I know my limitations. LOL. It took me a long time to come up with that little solo and then to get it right in one take... I'm kind of proud of it.

When I was writing the song and fleshing it out, I was initially in E and singing much higher. It just didn't feel right. I tried singing lower and kept moving up a half step until I got to G and that felt comfortable, but not great.

Thanks much Jeff. Truly appreciated.

 

[nzausrec]

Man, those lyrics just smack of wishful thinking.

 

[XLR]

Hey Chili. Great performance.

I think all the track needs is some dynamics control. Mainly on the vocal, but on the mix too to glue it together a bit more. I hit the mix with two plugs, Soniformer and Spitfish, gentle settings on both, and thought it balanced nicely.

 

[jeffmaher]

Sorry, Chill..

I admit I have a bias against anything that sounds like Dead....and automatically assume that if it does, it must be a gross error. :^)

 

[Chili]

Man, those lyrics just smack of wishful thinking.

Thanks man!! (I think!! )

Hey Chili. Great performance.

I think all the track needs is some dynamics control. Mainly on the vocal, but on the mix too to glue it together a bit more. I hit the mix with two plugs, Soniformer and Spitfish, gentle settings on both, and thought it balanced nicely.

Thanks for the nice comments. I used Ozone's limiter to bring the overall level up and still let it breathe. I'll have to look into those plugs.

Sorry, Chill..

I admit I have a bias against anything that sounds like Dead....and automatically assume that if it does, it must be a gross error. :^)

LOL, I think the Dead is definitely a frame of mind... or lack thereof. It took me a long time to come to appreciate their musical abilities. Writing songs in 10/8 time and throwing time and key changes every few bars and still make it palatable to the masses. They were innovators and didn't typically get recognized for that.