A new song lyrics/ Opinions?

[ManInMotion711]

Let me know what you think.



V1
Beatin' and lonely
You swear that you know me
Tired and weak now
you just cant see how
The words that your saying
The games that your playing
It's over your head how
Your lost in the crowd now
So i'm just gonna

C1
Fight
I'm never gonna quit
I'm not tough but i know how to take a hit
So I'm gonna
Fight
Till there is nothing left
Soon you'll see
A different side of me

V2
Words have been broken
Cut and left open
Lies hid behind them
See light once again
You say that i'm not me
Say i act differently
We've got nowhere to go
Sit down and let me know
Cause i'm just gonna

C2 ( After C2 theres a musical bridge leading into C3 )
Fight
I'm never gonna quit
I'm not tough but i know how to take a hit
So I'm gonna
Fight
Till there is nothing left
Soon you'll see
A different side of me

 

[C4th]

Verses are good, chorus sounds a bit predictable and cliché, but may well sound right and fit the song when in context.
Hard too tell when just reading.
Good luck with it though.

 

[ManInMotion711]

Thanks dude, ill probably be posting a Mix for critque after i get it done. If you happen to be i the Mixing clinic and ya see a thread called A Different Side Of Me check it out

 

[Gidge]

yeah, I think the verses are pretty strong but the chorus is a tad on the weak side, depending on the genre..if its a rock song, the lyrics tend to be an afterthought so it could work..

but a bit of work on the chorus could make this a really good song..figure out some interesting twist or play on the fight theme..

 

[rayc]

Beatin' and lonely
Should that be "Beaten and lonely:?
Makes a significant difference to the meaning.
It's hard to tell who's the narrator in the story.
You might need to work on your 1st person position.

 

[Protocall]

definitely felt the same way about the "Beatin' and lonely" part

Beatin' and lonely
Should that be "Beaten and lonely:?
Makes a significant difference to the meaning.
It's hard to tell who's the narrator in the story.
You might need to work on your 1st person position.

 

[ManInMotion711]

Yea its definitely supposed to be beaten and lonely. I screw on my spelling sometimes.