1st posting of lyrics ever.

[WEBCYAN]

this is my first crack at writing lyrics. Ive been concentrating on the music aspect for a while and am just now getting to the vocals of my songs that are soon to be recorded.

Here are some lyrics that have taken shape:
I've tried to give a sense of spacing by adding in pauses and such. The lyrics might not make sense to you. They do to me...obviously. But try to figure them out, if you can.

Verse1
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Down. Through the rings I fall again.
Clearly a passive abduction...
Degrees of want. Degrees of fault.
I take my place inside this waltz.

Chorus
---------------------
Formless shapes, I...see faded depths, and
Fimament, I cannot see!
Blinded by...the entity...magnify, the mind's decree.



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this is the next song
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Verse1
---------------------
Chalk white.
Milk the light.
The glass, enclosed.
Flesh turned to bone.

Pre-Chorus
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Get up and dance,
On the crimson stage.
Wave your limbs.
Dance till you can be saved!

Chorus
---------------------
Open your eyes.
Put on this hidden production.
Smile in vain, then bleed on the sun.
Yet never stay awake!....

 

[Chris Shaeffer]

Well, I'm the wrong guy to be asking about vague lyrics, but I'll have a crack at it.

Song 1: Hell, I don't know. I get a cool feeling from them, though. Seems like you are describing an intense grey area of thought and emotion. Doing something you know isn't quite right, leaving trodden ground and feeling lost, feeling like you're dancing on strings you can almost see.

I like the "magnify, the mind's decree." In that grey area where you aren't quite sure what's going on your mind does the wierdest stuff.

I like it a lot even if I don't know what inspired it for you.

Song 2: Hmm, less engaging for me. Seems like some anger or frustration at someone or something- but I can't nail it down. Too many different metaphors going by too fast. It sounds a little whiney, too. If I understood it more it might not, but that's the impression I am left with after 4 reads through. Sounds like the singer feels superior to, or is at least mocking, something.

How'd I do? Was I even close? Do I win a prize? Do I get a gold star?

Good stuff, especially for first attempts.
Chris