I've changed the title back. Honestly, I felt so embarrassed I hoped this thread would disappear into the depths of this forum, never to be seen again.
Thank you both for your very professional responses. I was expecting to be given either a very patronising lesson in how microphones work or to...
For context, I tried plugging an SM81 into a Cloudlifter and didn't know why it wasn't working. I was under the illusion that the Cloudlifter was a magical box that made any mic work...