Your Winter Eyes

I

icystorm

Guest
I have a nice friend who moved from Texas to Wisconsin for the winter, for business reasons. She was sad to leave her friends, family, and her home.

Winter in Wisconsin along Lake Michigan is much darker, longer, colder, windier, snowier, and icier than Texas.

Before she left, I promised I'd write her a song and I did so.

I have a crude demo, which I will refine and post later, but right now, I want to get back to my challenge song for November! :-)

Anyway, if anyone cares to critique my lyrics, your comments are appreciated. It's a slow ballad, and it sort of has an atmosphere similar to Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel.

Your Winter Eyes

Words and music by Joseph Spain
Copyright: Joseph Spain 2009

Verse 1
Lost in the winter's
silence of autumn
Your heart can see
what's under the snow
Hope lies asleep
beneathe every white drift
Your winter eyes
still see what can grow

Chorus
So far and so close
So blind and so clear
The voices we know
are always so near
And each of us pines
for the one we hold dear
As my heart sleeps
beneath your snow
while your winter is here

Verse 2
Hope in your heart
remembers the summer
Do your thoughts retrace
what's under the snow
Love is asleep
but promised to waken
Your winter eyes
remember and know

Bridge
Try to recall everything,
every moment, each word
that you whispered to me
I live for the hour, the minute,
the second, the moment
your heart melts for me
 
Last edited:
Northward still

icystorm said:
Winter in Wisconsin along Lake Michigan is much darker, longer, colder, windier, snowier, and icier than Texas.
Click to expand...

Have her drive north for another 5-7 hours and she will be at my house. (Where it is darker, colder, windier, snowier, and icier still.) :eek:
 
OK It's time for me

to get serious. Joseph- I think this is the most musical chorus you have ever written. It flows smooth as silk and each time I read it a new melody simply jumped into my head. Your wintry images are nicely done. At first I didn't care for the bridge but then the last line hit me in the face and I loved it. "Your heart melts for me" would generally be too saccharine a phrase for me but here it fits perfectly. I am also a fan of the way you drag out time with "moment, hour, minute, etc." It makes the winter seem even longer. I don't know if "blind" and "pine" were intentional references or not. (Northern White Pine and Snowblindness are common here.) If not, then they are very happy accidents. Nice job.
 
...

it reads like a... like a... Sarah McLaughlin tune, I should think... quite well done.

it is smooth, and flows very well.
 
Thanks for reviewing and your comments Mike, Dave, and SEDStar. I appreciate the kind words and encouragement. :D

Cheers,
Joseph :)
 
A great set of lyrics, Joseph.

Haunting and moving without being cloying.

I think you have done really well here.

I can't really add much more to what others have said.

But . . . the idea that someone had about Sarah McLaughlin has launched some ideas in my own head. I shall take these lyrics and experiment, if that's okay.
 
I decided I really like this line: "As my heart sleeps
beneath your snow
while your winter is here" It took me a few reads through to fully grasp it, I didnt like it at first and was going to try to suggest something else, but then the meaning became clear to me. I love when this happens in songs i hear/lyrics i read.

The hope is there with her, beneath the snow, while the same is true with you. Is this the correct meaning?

Great lyrics!

Alex

ps. Drive an hour further north from Fiddler, and she may experiance what i like to call "snotsicles" these may, or may not thaw. haha
 
drummerboy_04AP said:
I decided I really like this line: "As my heart sleeps
beneath your snow
while your winter is here" It took me a few reads through to fully grasp it, I didnt like it at first and was going to try to suggest something else, but then the meaning became clear to me. I love when this happens in songs i hear/lyrics i read.

The hope is there with her, beneath the snow, while the same is true with you. Is this the correct meaning?

Great lyrics!

Alex

ps. Drive an hour further north from Fiddler, and she may experiance what i like to call "snotsicles" these may, or may not thaw. haha
Click to expand...

Thanks much, Alex. Yes, you interpreted the meaning as I did, but it could be taken several different ways.

No, it would not do for a pretty lady to have to deal with the dreaded "snotsicle" issue, althought snotsicles are a fact of life in far-northern locales. ;-)

I revised the lyrics a tiny bit for the demo I am working on, which I hope to post soon...

Your Winter Eyes

Words and music by Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.7, Acoustica Mixcraft 4.5, and Audacity 1.7
Produced by Joseph Spain
CD: First Love
Demo recording
Copyright: Joseph Spain 2009

Verse 1
Lost in the winter's
silence of autumn
Your heart can see
what's under the snow
Hope lies asleep
beneathe every white drift
Your winter eyes
still see what can grow

Chorus
So far and so close
So blind and so clear
The voices we know
are always so near
As each of us pines
for the one we hold dear
love waits lonely
beneath the grace of your snow
while your winter is here

Verse 2
Hope in your heart
remembers the summer
Do your thoughts retrace
what's under the snow
Love lies asleep
but promised to waken
Your winter eyes
remember and know

Bridge
Try to recall everything,
every moment, each word
that you whispered to me
I live for the hour, the minute,
the second, the moment
your heart melts for me
 
a year later...

Edit: Moved to songwriting thread.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top