Aliens and Angels

[Whatmysay]

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7132547

Posted lyrics sometime ago, this is a very rough version - think I will change all to strings.

Thoughts and comments please

Aliens and Angels
1.
She told me stories from the grave
As we drank Pimms and lemonade
The drama days we dedicate
To down and out

2.
She loved the circus as a child
I played the clown she was a lion
But what we tried to tame was wild
Or down and out

Oh how I long for her

Ch
Tonight?
Can I rely upon your smile
When Aliens and Angels are falling from the sky
Tonight?
Will the memory of our skin
Keep me safe from masquerades escaped from Halloween
Tonight?

3.
She kissed me and I smelt perfume
Her summer dress was in full bloom
But it was wet and we got ruin
So down and out

Oh how I long for her

Ch

Mid-8
Your mother’s shoes, we lost in the dunes
They were red and made you so tall
Entwined our bodies in the twilight sun
Now there’s nobody in my twilight sun

Ch
Rpt fade

 

[up-fiddler]

Mucho glad to have you back!

The plusses - I am enamored with the way you handle the syllable counts for the verses and the choruses.Very clean, very even, and nothing is forced. There are several differences in the recorded words and the lyrics you wrote. I liked the changes in every case with the exception of one. ("Her flower dress was in full bloom" just knocks me out in a good way.) I agree that the addition of strings, if done with your usual flair, will be welcome. Refine and keep the throbbing piano though. It keeps the song moving and seems to emphasize the lyrics for me. For me, the choruses stand out in this song. The uneven syllable count between lines and the way they are sung keeps the song interesting.

The minusses - I Liked the line "The drama days we dedicate" and prefer it to your insertion of "summer". In the bridge I would like the last line to rhyme with "tall" rather than repeating "twilight sun". The natural way to do that would be "Now there's nobody at all" but I can understand why you would avoid that cliche'. Finally, as much as I like the chorus, there are many who will say they aren't 'hooky' enough. I like this song but it is one that I can get out of my head rather easily after listening. As songwriters, we usually don't want that .

I look forward to the next recorded version. You are known around here for your production.


Dave's Blog

 

[gecko zzed]

This track is melodically and dstructurally unusual, which is a plus for me, though it may be a minus for listeners who are accustomed to more distinctive melody and chorus hooks. I recall being impressed by the lyrics when you first posted them, and they have translated well musically. Up-fiddler has already commented on your vocal delivery, i.e. clean, even and unforced, with which I agree; the whole things flows along very easily.

I will reserve judgment on the 'pulsing piano'. It has a touch of the Supertramps, and, if you add some floaty kind of strings, may provide an interesting and contrasting rhythmic understorey.

But as I was listening, I was enjoying the space, and found myself wanting more (despite its current minimalism). My thoughts were heading down this path: How about creating a drone-like ambient backing, using noise and some evolving synth sounds which only just suggest the chord structure, and mix this with a range of natural sounds that reflect the lyrics. This would then sit way in the background. You then keep just the bass, so that there is hardly any melodic content in the song. Then, in just the bridge, you bring in the strings that you were talking about, and let this become the focal point of the track.

I am relaxed about the repeating "nobody in my twilight sun". On paper it is not as strong as it actually is in the song. But I could easily live with a variation of up-fiddler's suggestion, and go for: "now there's no-one there at all".

You have your own style of vocal delivery, which, as noted, works fine. But I can so easily imagine a Tom Waits style of vocal. I guess that my mind is seeking an injection of vocal variation, and I could hear an almost spoken verse and chorus line to contrast with a more soaring bridge.

 

[ido1957]

Good job on the writing and the performance is very smooth...Just some thoughts that came to mind while letting the song play through my mind...I played it a few times...

The latter half of the song was my favorite. There was a sameness in the first half. The middle 8 could be repeated throughout and add some variety and lift. The middle 8 could be a pre-chorus for example. I think the three sections repeated twice would probably be long enough, maybe convert a verse into a middle 8.