Hip-Hop verses: New to the site

J

JStokes23

New member
I am brand new to the site, just joined, saw other people had writings and that was enough for me. I post my writings on my facebook but don't get much attention for them. I have been writing verses for a while now here is a sample for yall to judge and critique: I have alot of these by the way.


Sleep is for the weak or that’s how they make it seem
So how the fuck am I supposed to embrace my dreams?
They say love is a drug, so we’re all fiends
We wait for our fix and the little joy it brings
Never played a harp but I will be pulling strings
To get a sexy bitch who cooks cleans and maybe even sings
Make those high notes turn into sharp screams
Not far off from the horror flick scenes
I go hard to the hole without pick and roll screens
But like Dan Marino, She will get no ring
Not from Sacramento but I will surround myself with kings
You are who you surround yourself with, one must know these things
Attempts to smoke the pains away, No Bee, but after the buzz it still stings
So many girl’s want to be treated like princesses
But I’m looking for that small percent of Queens
Not out of your league, Just at the top of it like Championship teams
 
yoyo JStokes whutup. i think u got a good foundation but your meter be all whack n shit. i mean, its alright for poetry slam but try and picture a beat behind it. it gets a little messed up at the end.
put these two rhymes together for example:

sleep is for the weak or that's how they make it seem
attemps to smoke the pain away no bee but after the buzz it still stings.

there be too many damn words in that second line! im sure u could take out some of dem ifs ands or buts to make it tighter to the tempo. and what does dat even mean wit dem bees n shit?
now i'm gonna spit a little freestyle for ya to show u what i be sayin. dungeons and dragons be poppin rite now so i'm gunna put a little fantasy spin on it if u don't mind:

like an evil wizard i b chillun in my robe
u dis me to my face n i can turn u to a toad
castin spells bumpin bitches makin potions to annoint
when a 20 dolla ho clamps her dentures on my joint
i ain't no freaky hindu and i don't believe in karmia
but like the white witch i b runnin all of narnia
whenever im in hogwarts me and granger be a'shaggin
or piffin haze up in dat piece wit puff the magic dragon

word up
 
She’s Mother Nature’s Daughter, She’ll mentally seduce ya
Stoned off of M. Jane, Now the M stands for Medusa
Try to keep up, I wouldn’t want to loose ya
The only type of plant known to come in and uproot ya
I said it’s poetical steroids, Come here and let me juice ya


How's that
 
when i first started rappin all u bitchez said "no way...
ain't no sucka bussin rhymes like dat this age and day!"
but now the timez b changed and now the stage is fulla actors
and rap contests b blowin up like japanese reactors
but rap be all about the streets, ain't none u niggaz earned it
so i'm callin out upon fat_fleets to revoke your rappin permit
wit drop dead style, cold as ice, wit a flow that's almost criminal,
fat_fleet_fat_fleet_he_did_it_first- an HR rap original!

WHUTTUP NOW BICHES!!!!!!!
 
Last edited:
fat_fleet said:
when i first started rappin all u bitchez said "no way...
ain't no sucka bussin rhymes like dat this age and day!"
but now the timez b changed and now the stage is fulla actors
and rap contests b blowin up like japanese reactors
but rap be all about the streets, ain't none u niggaz earned it
so i'm callin out upon fat_fleets to revoke your rappin permit
wit drop dead style, cold as ice, wit a flow that's almost criminal,
fat_fleet_fat_fleet_he_did_it_first- an HR rap original!

WHUTTUP NOW BICHES!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Fresshhhhhhhh lol :laughings:
 
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