KrystianL
New member
Hey everyone, I've been a member on these forums for two years but have mostly just absorbed all you have to say until recently. I've got a handful of songs written and I was hoping I could get some feedback on the lyrics (what I think is my weakest link). The genre and feel of my songs is psychedelic and a little dark. Think The End by the doors. I appreciate any feedback!
Song 1: 'Train of Thieves'
Robbin' on a Train of Thieves,
Blood-stained hands and flames from his feet
Walkin' down that rail cart aisle,
Turns to a thief and with a devilish smile (he says)
I'll cut you down if you won't give it up,
Cus there's always more but there's never enough
Reaches for his holster and grabs that gun,
Crack of a hammer and a flash of the sun,
Fired three shots at three who stopped him,
On his way out of the out door
Dyin' on a Train of Thieves,
Prays to a god she never knew and bleeds
Fools lust for gold and diamond rings,
He takes their souls and then he sings
From Babylon to the Gates of Hell,
They call me greed because they know me well (know me well)
She can't drop it so she hopped out,
With her master out the out door
Ridin' on a Train of Thieves,
We've all got the greed disease
_________________________
Song 2: 'I Am'
I'm sorrow and I'm hate,
Let me invade your brain
I'm regret in the chamber of a gun,
Restin' in the head of some other son
I'm anything in extremes,
Yeah, the real enemy
I'm the blood of your last mistake
And the rain will never wash me away
I'm just a notion, emotion, in your mind
I'm just a belief, deceit, I divide
I'm faith and I'm war,
Like a never-healing scar
I'm the fear on your TV screen,
Keepin' you from them and keepin' you for me
I'm just a notion, emotion, in your mind
I'm just a belief, deceit, I divide
__________________________
Hope you guys dig them but I'm also interested in hearing what bothers you or what you think could be improved. The second song is intentionally a little repetitive. It will be a kind of droney atmospheric song where the instruments advance the song more than the vocals/lyrics. Thanks for reading!
Song 1: 'Train of Thieves'
Robbin' on a Train of Thieves,
Blood-stained hands and flames from his feet
Walkin' down that rail cart aisle,
Turns to a thief and with a devilish smile (he says)
I'll cut you down if you won't give it up,
Cus there's always more but there's never enough
Reaches for his holster and grabs that gun,
Crack of a hammer and a flash of the sun,
Fired three shots at three who stopped him,
On his way out of the out door
Dyin' on a Train of Thieves,
Prays to a god she never knew and bleeds
Fools lust for gold and diamond rings,
He takes their souls and then he sings
From Babylon to the Gates of Hell,
They call me greed because they know me well (know me well)
She can't drop it so she hopped out,
With her master out the out door
Ridin' on a Train of Thieves,
We've all got the greed disease
_________________________
Song 2: 'I Am'
I'm sorrow and I'm hate,
Let me invade your brain
I'm regret in the chamber of a gun,
Restin' in the head of some other son
I'm anything in extremes,
Yeah, the real enemy
I'm the blood of your last mistake
And the rain will never wash me away
I'm just a notion, emotion, in your mind
I'm just a belief, deceit, I divide
I'm faith and I'm war,
Like a never-healing scar
I'm the fear on your TV screen,
Keepin' you from them and keepin' you for me
I'm just a notion, emotion, in your mind
I'm just a belief, deceit, I divide
__________________________
Hope you guys dig them but I'm also interested in hearing what bothers you or what you think could be improved. The second song is intentionally a little repetitive. It will be a kind of droney atmospheric song where the instruments advance the song more than the vocals/lyrics. Thanks for reading!