Hey, not bad man. I haven't heard any previous incarnations, but here are my thoughts.
1. The snare is like 100% top end...if you could use a meatier snare, I think it would help. I'm assuming the drums are fake, mostly because of the cymbals...the decay is about half a second, lol. I think you used waaaay to many crashes. Every other downbeat doesn't need a crash.
2. I think you could get at least an extra 5 db out of this mix without losing any of the dynamics just by using a limiter. The mix LOOKS like it was maybe just normalized it, but I'm getting a couple of digital overs...although I don't hear it clipping. Some super fast transients may be the culprit, but I don't think there's anything wrong with slapping a little of the good old L2 on here to pump it up just a bit.
3. You need to maybe spend a few extra moments on the vocal...it pops out in a couple of places, and if you're using any kind of digital workstation, you should be able to just envelope those places down a bit. For example, @ :38 seconds ("You Are Now"), that pops out pretty loudly...again @ 2:22...some other places. You know what I'm talking about, lol.
Nice tune.
