I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not trying to be a jerk about it, but this just sounds like crap. I've heard a lot of demos that I thought were crappy, but this one is probably one of the worst sounding recordings I've heard so far.
I've heard recordings done with an alarm clock that had a built in tape player with a record function that sounded better than this. I don't know what you're doing to make it sound so bad. So, here is my advice.
First thing you need to do is save up for some kind of real recording equipment and a decent mic. While you're saving up for that, start studying recording. Learn how to do it and you'll have the theory down and then you'll need to get the experience by simply doing it over and over again.
Also study song writing. Learn the basic formula of song writing and rewrite your songs, because that song sucked ass.
I'm not trying to be a dick about it. I just don't see the point of you continuing to do what ever it is you're doing when it's so god awful. You have a shit load of crap songs on myspace LOL