Production notes
Production wise, it's really pretty OK (cohesively, it works - it doesn't sound like a bunch of tracks thrown together), but for a few things to my ear:
The snare sounds very flat and 'off mic' - I'm guessing it's O/H only and the room sounded bad. I hate getting into all that EQ stuff - you know, tweak this freq to that dB, scoop the chest cavity out of the guitar, etc. I can't put it into words other than 'it needs more weight.'
Guitars sound fine, can't find anything wrong with these. I can hear everything that's being played and they're not getting in the way of anything.
Bass and kick are AWOL. Go back to listening to just the drums and bass together, nothing else. My theory is, if the drums and bass don't sound great together, nothing will. So address the drive and punch of the song, and get that bass to become more of a feature of the recording rather than it wandering around in the song like a spare prick at a wedding.
Toms are OK - they pop out here and add their bit. If it's only OHs, you're kind of stuck with them anyway. Come to think of it, if the snare is also, you're kind of stuck with that, too, unless you cheat by adding a drum machine's snare manually, and blend it in - I've done this before on a live recording.
Trilly solo sounds good, and adds something to the song, but too reminiscent of that Crimbo king, wotsizname - Robert Fripp (and the only aspect of the song that does make me think of someone sitting in his bedroom studio plugged into his POD). Push this further back in the mix with some effect lest it sound like a 'clever twiddly bit I threw in for good measure.' It's not a standout melody, so why make it stand out? It is, however, a nice textural touch, so use it to that end.
Vocal reverb: I live in Japan, I've seen my fair share of Karaoke boxes in my time, and know a thing or two about poor reverb sound! People love to crank it up, because it supposedly makes them sound better....I beg to differ. It makes someone sound like they're singing in a rugby team shower room. The more I've listened to this song, the more I feel that half the problem is the reverb, or at least the tone of the reverb. What unit are you using? (Don't say Lexicon, say Nanoverb or something, pleease.)
With the instrumental department sorted out, bring in your vocals sans reverb, zilch. How does it sound? Can you hear all the words of the song? If it doesn't sound like it's sitting well, play with the EQ (there, that's a technical description for you). Now introduce some reverb, but only enough that the vocals start sounding cohesive in the song, regardless of if you can perceive the reverb. I don't think this song lends itself to a reverb-laden vocal. I think it would drive home the emotion better if you keep it drier.
The chorus could do with a lift (perhaps some harmony/reverb to thicken it up) - it doesn't quite take off as it could do. It's hinting at it, but perhaps a couple of flagging lines are preventing that.
Go on, say it ("Fook off, Ringo").