hiya, chowderheads. sweetnubs is back from hoochie-mama central: LA. before nubnubs puts on the boxing gloves let me just mention how much i hate LA. my session actually went well, but don't people realize cellphones fuck with audio equipment? every jackass in that city has got a cellphone and they never turn them off which probably accounts for most of the vacant-eyed walking brain-dead zombies in LA . i am shure the air pollution also contributes to it too. a friend was telling me they are now spraying some kind of special aerosol into the air which "eats" the pollution. great, even more chemicals to breathe. why in the hell can't automobile exhaust restrictions be made even tighter and stricter commercial pollution regulations be implemented? oh yeah, i forgot bush and co. just relaxed environmental and pollution laws. nobody gives a shit anyways because most of it is on the east side where the working class dishwashers (slaves) live. the walled off communities don't give a rats ass. just business as usual in the land of the free. and what the hell is with all the bright yellow automobiles in that city? why not drive a taxi for allah's sake? oh yeah, it's LA. it makes it easier to see your expensive car.
i thouroughly enjoy the "is it sweetnubs?" thread. it makes my nubby tingle. of course it is not me as this guy is either a complete idiot or a total genius.
sweetnubs has now compiled further evidence that track-rat is really a hate mongering cross-eyed redneck as he refers to the guy at the prorec site as a retard. not only does track-rat mock gays and lesbians he picks on completely defensless "special folk." and bush isn't a retard? him and his entire staff rode the little yellow bus to the white house.
exhibit one:
"i may be recording a heavy/rock band in a few weeks and i just need to know if you guys have any tips, advice or bewares to pass on to me. you see this will be my first session. i would really love any tips on mic place ment for guitars, vocals, bass, drums, ect,ect that you could give me."
someone doing a session who needs help on placing mics for all instruments, even the drums. need i say more?
exhibit two:
"I know it's not fair to form an opinion with only one experience but I had a band come in and the drummer wanted to use his Audix mic kit and I didn't like them at all. At the time I took them down and ended up with 57s on the snare and toms. I still like 57s but even they aren't my first choice for toms any more. I prefere condensors, AKG C-1000s in particular." -track rat.
track rat likes akg-c1000's on toms. oh my, and he's giving advice. your favorite tom mic? jesus, you must be gay because those things are very phallic. not to mention they sound like shit. if your ownly choices are 57's (which can be ok if used right) and c1000's for tom mics, your studio must suck.
should i even say anything about the "how do i get my digital to sound like analog thread?" isn't that an oxymoron?
"Can anyone recommend a sequencer to control
my Alesis D4. I hate the cheese drums that I get with the Sr16. I am not good enough to play the drums on the keyboard or pads." -scottboyher
hey boyher, nubby-nub-nubs doesn't think you are recording the TRUTH at you home "studio" with an sr16, sequencers, d4's etc. what's the difference between me triggering a drum sample in my studio because the drummer sucks and you, runny doo doo head, using a drum machine and a sequencer? the TRUTH hurts and that's the TRUTH. (see his former post on this thread if this seems confusing)
well sweetnubs would like to search for more self-contradictions and post them but searches on this site take way to freakin' long and i have to get up early tomorrow to go pick up the turkey i orderded. yep, beloved sweetnubs has to cook the turkey again this year.
just to show you all what a swell guy i am, i will instruct you all on the proper method to cook a turkey. i use organic turkey that i special order. first use fresh herbs, whatever green, resinous herbs you like. i use a combination of thyme, rosemary and sage- all fresh and chopped by hand. i rub the turkey with a decent olive oil, don't forget to get in all the nooks and crannys. i use puget olive oil. it is a decent fruity (like track rat) extra virgin (like the man-virgin track rat) olive oil that is fairly inexpensive. there is no need to use really expensive olive oil because high temperatures will break it down and it will lose its more refined qualities. i then mince fresh garlic and rub the garlic and herbs liberally over the entire bird, also inside the cavity. then i liberally sprinkle the turkey with salt and FRESH ground black pepper. next place it on a rack in a deep roasting pan. the rack should be elevated above the bottom. undneath the rack is where the mirepoix will go. for you uncultured american sots raised on mc donalds, mirepoix is a mixture of carrots, onions and celery, equal amounts of each. also place the neck, gizzards, etc. below the rack. the combined liquid from the sweating of the mirepoix and the herb and garlic infused drippings from the bird will combine to make the base for the gravy. you can stuff the turkey with the stuffing of your choice or fill the cavity with mirepoix. the ends of the drumsticks, the wings and breast should be covered with foil (to prevent burning). i do not truss the bird. i cover the breast with fatback which keeps it moist. put it in the oven at 350 uncovered. the time is variable. for fifteen pounds it usually takes about 4-41/2 hours. this will vary with your oven. i start checking the turkey after about 3 1/2 hours every half hour. i can tell when it is done by feeling the thickest part of the leg, if you get resitance and the leg moves freely it is finished. it should be nicely browned and carmelized. if you stuffed the bird remove the stuffing about 45 minutes before it is finished. put the stuffing in a baking pan and bake it uncovered for about a half hour. it should get a nice brown crunchy crust on top. this way you get all the turkey/herb flavor in the stuffing and the crunch. when the turkey is done strain out the juice from the bottom of the roasting pan. dump all the vegetables out of the roasting pan then set the roasting pan on top of the burners and turn them on low. add a little water and scrape the pan to get all the yummy carmelized drippings that have stuck to the bottom. (this is called deglazing) you should get a brown watery "stock" when you are finished. add this to the drippings you collected earlier. now make a brown roux. roux is a combination of flour and butter. add equal amounts to a sauce pan and put on a low heat and cook until it turns a deep caramel colored brown. this will help give the gravy a proper color and add depth of flavor. now transfer the drippings to a sauce pan an add heavy cream. put over a medium flame. whisk in the roux until the gravy reaches the proper thickness. happy holidays, turkeys.
ps: "i did natlie cole's unforgettable on ns10's."-al schmitt
(does turkeynubs need to say anything more?)
