Jokes!!
- Thread starter elbandito
- Start date
Anticleon
Member
A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex.
Husband: "Sukitaki. Mojitaka!"
Wife replies: "Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!"
Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"
Wife, on her knees, literally begging: "Mimi Nakoundinda tinkouji!"
Husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"
I can’t believe you are just sitting there trying to read this!
You don’t know any Japanese!
You seem to read anything as long as it’s about sex....
Husband: "Sukitaki. Mojitaka!"
Wife replies: "Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!"
Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"
Wife, on her knees, literally begging: "Mimi Nakoundinda tinkouji!"
Husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"
I can’t believe you are just sitting there trying to read this!
You don’t know any Japanese!
You seem to read anything as long as it’s about sex....
Anticleon
Member
On a really hot day,
Four nuns were assigned
To paint a room
In their church.
After sweating
For a few hours
In those black robes,
They decided to
Take off all their clothes
And paint naked.
An hour later,
Someone knocked
On the door
Of the church.
"Who is it?"
They called out.
"I'm the blind man,"
Came the reply.
The nuns decided
To let him in
Since he wouldn't
Be able to see them.
They opened the door
And led him to the room
They were painting.
They were surprised
When he walked around
The room
With no difficulty.
"Okay, sisters," he said,
"where do you want the blinds?"
Four nuns were assigned
To paint a room
In their church.
After sweating
For a few hours
In those black robes,
They decided to
Take off all their clothes
And paint naked.
An hour later,
Someone knocked
On the door
Of the church.
"Who is it?"
They called out.
"I'm the blind man,"
Came the reply.
The nuns decided
To let him in
Since he wouldn't
Be able to see them.
They opened the door
And led him to the room
They were painting.
They were surprised
When he walked around
The room
With no difficulty.
"Okay, sisters," he said,
"where do you want the blinds?"
dachay2tnr
One Hit Wonder
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor, 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
Mr Clean
AKA Teddy Wong
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
Right up there with 'Frog Ear Test'. "..after cutting off fourth leg, no reaction. Frog now appears totally deaf.."
BroKen_H
Re-member
As I was strolling along the harbor this morning about 11 am, I noticed this character shouting, "Allah be praised" and "Death to all infidels" when suddenly he tripped and fell in the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat from all the explosives he had strapped to his body.
Being the responsible US Citizen that I am, I realized that if he didn't get help right away, he would surely drown.
I contacted the police, coast guard, immigration service and even the fire department.
It's now 4 pm and the poor fellow has long since drown.
I'm beginning to think I might have wasted four stamps...
He was struggling to stay afloat from all the explosives he had strapped to his body.
Being the responsible US Citizen that I am, I realized that if he didn't get help right away, he would surely drown.
I contacted the police, coast guard, immigration service and even the fire department.
It's now 4 pm and the poor fellow has long since drown.
I'm beginning to think I might have wasted four stamps...
Mr Clean
AKA Teddy Wong
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
BroKen_H
Re-member
A man walks into a bar and says "give me a beer before problems start! "Again, the man orders a beer saying, "give me a beer before problems start! " The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start! "