Your Love Completes Me (draft)

A

analog4

New member
Hi everyone,

I wrote this one for my girl,Gina.....

Your Love Completes Me

As we dance
I get caught up
In the rythmn of the night
My worries of the day
Take to flight
I'm wrapped up in the warmth
Of the woman
That is you

As we move
I feel the earth shake
Beneath my feet
Images of the room
Just retreat
I hold on tight
To the woman
That is you

Chorus:

Right here right now
In my arms
Is all I'll ever need
Right here right now
You've touched my soul
And made me believe
In you

So I say discretely
Your love completes me

I'd like to know what you think of this one......
Thanks!
 
Nice and simple to the point{in a good way}..Not alot of fat..And made me belive in you....Seems like it wants to be..And you made me belive..So i say discretely..your love{'s what} completes me...But its just a idea..Very good work!Good luck...



Don
 
Hey, I liked this song. I checked it out over the weekend but for some reason my browser wouldn't stay logged in.

Personally I'd do it differently, a little faster etc, but that's just because that's more of my style. The only thing I'll say negative about it is the "woman that is you.... right here right now" part - the pauses broke the song up too much for my taste. I would have kept the instruments going, and only done the pausing the last time around for effect.

Well, I don't want this to sound negative though. I liked the song alot.
 
Is it just me, or netscape, or whatever,

But I can't find any link for music clips!

I see some biographical info, but nothing to click on as far as hearing anything.

Am I missing something?

I want to hear the music!
 
Hi,

----Just getting back----- damn work always gets in the way.......

blackbuck,

Hey thanks-----I'm interested in how you would do this tune.
Oh about the pauses, I was leaving room for the drummer
to put in some tasty fills----Without a drum track this thing
seems choppy.Know any good drummers??????-One of my
serous limitations is not having the players to finish any of
my tunes.....Guess we all work within our limitations, my
crappy recordings don't help matters.

Hey Eric,

blackbuck's link works!!!!!----Thanks again

gec,

Well built cute blonde that plays tenor sax----What else could I
guy want????????????


Cheers.
 
I like the 50's sound

The melody and the song structure in the verses put me in mind of the Drifters spanish-influenced numbers - save the last dance for me, sweets for my sweet, etc.
The sax playing long notes over the chords also adds to a 50's feel. Like it much.
And the verses dispel any sense of retro with the stop-and-go parts, but are sort of in a non-derivative Van Morrison-ish style. Especially at the end of your vocal phrases, that's a tasty, woody sax sound that really pushes this song.

As far as songwriting goes, I think the words flow and go together nicely. But this is an excellent example that lyric evaluation is only one part of a songwriting experience, hearing the song is completely different from seeing the words typed out. Songwriting is not poetry, you need both!

I like this song very much.
 
Hi Analog.
I like the song.
It contains some surprises that kinda focuses the attention on certin places.
I'm refering to the sudden, silence.

The first time I hear it on the first verse, I didn't care for it.
But as the song went on, I change my opinion and like the way the two of you did the song.

May I suggest, a bit more umph on the sax. Her playing is to far back and gets lost.
Cripes, I love a sax in songs. I wanted to hear more. A sax brings out some inner emotion.

The lyrics are great. To the point with not a lot of filler words to complete the lines.
Good job.

Gotta go, I'm gonna check out the rest of your tunes.
Later.
 
Hey Eric,

Glad you liked it.....

I've got to learn how to do a better job of recording sax tracks.
Gonna post a thread and get some advice.....

All my tunes really need to be redone-----want to consider a
little collaboration?--anybody!!!!!!

I'm working on a new tune right now about a parent's worry
about their kids moving to the big city and falling on hard times.
It's called "Postcard to Jeannette". It uses the same kind of
sax treatment.

Yeah, got to admit I do like my Van.
 
hi badgas,

Glad you liked this one--Thanks for checking it out.

I need lots of input/help to perfect this "sound".

Yeah, its retro but it's major fun to work in this style.
----just need some solid percussion and guitar work
for colour and I think it will start to work.....

Cheers,
 
Yeah, the pauses, with fills, would probably do the job, and sound really good! It's like I could hear that there was something missin', didn't know you intended to add a drum track.

Alot of my songs, I'll play differently with a drummer than without, because it's hard to fill the song out all alone. Anyway, still love the song.
 
Hi blackbuck,

All the stuff I write is supposed to be a kind of rythmn music
so it all sound bloody sparse without drums.
Still interested in how you would approach this tune.....
 
Well, since I'm always attracted to catchy melodies, I immediately thought of how I'd do it.

It's not so much me thinking "how I could improve it" as much as I'm thinking, well just how I'd do it.

I'd probably do it faster, with a electric & bass in the verse, then switch to overdriven guitars in the "woman that is you" part, continuing through the chorus, and sustaining under the formentioned "break" part, so that it's hardly even noticed the first time through. Then emphasize it later, with some really badass fills and extended breaks. I'd also add some strings to the second verse, If I had the means too.

Not that I think you should change it!
 
blackbuck,

This is all a learning curve for me and I know getting your
take on my tunes is valuable. I have a tendency to write
in an understated manner and goosing stuff up isn't a bad
thing.
I think this thing could even go light funk. What do you think?????
 
Yeah it's a learning curve for me too.

Generally I try to make things as simple as possible, it's better than going too far.

A light funk feel... could work. Try it out! Heh. Still though I like what you have so far.
 
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