When You're Bad - JJ

J

joejohnstun

New member
High! My first HomeRecording song. I record in my sunny room, doing all the instruments, percussion, vocals, and mixing myself, so you could say these are demos tossed together like a sound-salad.

I'm mostly looking for songwriting critiques, words are my legos of choice, music not as much (as I'd like it to be), so be brutal. But also if you notice something glaring that I should fix on the production end, I would also love to improve my mixing skills (lack of).

I want to post these while they're still rough and I'm still excited by them before they become jaded staples in the walls of my mind. Of course, that means they'll have lots of room for improvements.

In this one, I pretty much have the song how I want it to be. It's less of a one-guitar demo and more of an amateur single that I could send to labels. I'm wondering if there are any glaring frequency clashes that I missed. Or anything that you might notice that needs to be brought to my attention.

Oh by the way, since it's not mastered, I added a maximizer to the master track to boost the volume a little. There is a tiny bit of clipping when the final chorus smashes in. So I am aware of that, and I'll get it properly mastered at some future point. Or not.

Thank you!


https://soundcloud.com/joejohnstun/when-youre-bad



When You're Bad

You're beautiful when you're bad
You push me to the edge
You have it all when you're bad
Your lipstick left on a cigarette
You dance on the table, dressed like a lady,
Drinking and driving me crazy
You're beautiful

Vodka
In a shot cup
With the sound up
And the Do Not Disturb us on the door
You're an artist
In the darkness
I am breathless
And the bedsheets beg me, beg for more

You're beautiful when you're bad
You push me to the edge
You have it all when you're bad
Leave your lipstick red on a cigarette
You dance on the table, dressed like a lady,
Drinking and driving me crazy
You're beautiful
When you're bad

In a second
We're suspended
As she dances
With her French Connection on the floor
We leapt in
To the deep end
She's a legend
And I'm letting her think that she's in control, you're in control
 
Interesting tune joe. I think the mix needs some work though - the vocals and guitars in particular sound like they have all the low end scooped out of them leaving everything sounding very trebly and lacking body.

The drums have a very programmey feel too, like everything snaps exactly to the midi grid and they're heavily processed - I know they are what they are, but I think you could get them a bit more natural with either some small movements to get a real feel or better samples. The kick sounds the same every beat, the toms are way out on the left for the fills and the snare is kind of lo-fi and telephoney.

The performance is good though and like I say the tune itself holds the interest. You've got a bit of a Death Cab For Cutie feel in parts there - might be a useful exercise to A:B your song with one of theirs and listen for where yours stacks up well and where it falls short. I always find that a useful (if slightly depressing) exercise with my mixes. Hope this helps :)
 
Robgreen: I scooped the low end out of practically everything except the kick to leave room for that, because I wanted the kick to be basically the thing you remember about the song. Do you think I overdid it?
I think it's a good idea to de-quantize the kick a bit so it doesn't sound so perfect. Maybe I could give the snare a little more room too... but don't you think it would end up clashing? I'll try it. Thanks!
I've never heard of Death Cab for Cutie, but I will definitely Google them. Now. I was actually A:Bing this song with something way out of left field - Taylor Swift's We Are Never Getting Back Together. Maybe not that appropriate. I'll check them out!

JJ.
 
From a production standpoint, I guess it sounds kind of small and the pay off bits where it seems like it should come in all powerful kind of disappoint. However, from a songwriting perspective, while listening I could easily imagine a bigger production of this being popular.
 
joejohnstun said:
Robgreen: I scooped the low end out of practically everything except the kick to leave room for that, because I wanted the kick to be basically the thing you remember about the song. Do you think I overdid it?
I think it's a good idea to de-quantize the kick a bit so it doesn't sound so perfect. Maybe I could give the snare a little more room too... but don't you think it would end up clashing? I'll try it. Thanks!
I've never heard of Death Cab for Cutie, but I will definitely Google them. Now. I was actually A:Bing this song with something way out of left field - Taylor Swift's We Are Never Getting Back Together. Maybe not that appropriate. I'll check them out!

JJ.
Click to expand...

Heh heh, why on earth would anyone willingly subject themselves to a blast of We Are Never Getting Back Together? Yeah, definitely A:B with Death Cab... if it saves your from a Taylor Swift fate it's worth it regardless of anything else...

Yeah, I think you've scooped out far more than you needed to give the kick it's own space. You can see from the waveform shape on soundcloud before you even hit play that the whole mix is kick and you can put a lot more of the frequencies back in without stomping all over it. Most of your kick frequencies are about 50-100Hz and before your vocal is even high passed, you probably don't have a huge amount going on there between 100Hz. More so with the acoustic, but even with that in mind I think you've got lots of potential to put some low frequencies back in while retaining the integrity of the kick.

Have a listen to this one maybe. I don't know that it's necessarily one of their best, but it shares some similarities with your tune and has an acoustic rhythm, prominent kick and a comparable vocal style. The voice is mixed much fuller without stomping over the kick frequencies. The acoustic is a little fuller too (though to my taste still a bit thin probably).
 
I agree with the mix comments. Vocals and guitar have a thin and somewhat boxy tone. Vocal has a hint of "telephone voice" to it.

Kick is much too loud and boomy. It dwarfs the bass.

Lyrically it's a mix to me. Some interesting lines, such as the line about lipstick on a cigarette. Then some simplistic, forced rhymes like "beautiful when you're bad -- you push me to the edge". A bit meaningless to me.
 
Yeah, has a lot of potential, you need to alternate the kick with a much softer sample during the verse. I like how it sounds heavy during the chorus. I think with a slicker mix this could be a great potential hit.

Overall I like what you did.
 
robgreen: Good point about the waveform. Yeah, I thought it looked like mostly kick. So you think I shouldn't highpass the vocals/guitars at all? Or just a lot less...
Heard the Death Cab song. Gonna find a high quality version of it to A:B. Thanks!

PDP: That's a good idea to put a softer sample during the softer parts. Or maybe just turn it down a few notches? I can't imagine a drummer switching kicks for the verses...

JJ.
 
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