Thoughts On Developing This Song?

[AaronChapman]

So, I had posted the details of this song in the songwriting forum and I received some good feedback. We agreed that I need to change the second verse to break up the repetition some. I was experimenting on the

guitar a while ago and came up with the following for the song. I'm interested in hearing what you think of the song in general. It's not a polished recording at all. I think I need to brighten the vocals in areas and

of course, sing more openly. I guess I'm just wondering if the chord progressions and the vocal style jibe? I was going for a modern mix of Tracey Chapman (give me one reason) and Elmore James with my own

little touch of course. That's at least who I was thinking of when working on the thing, I doubt it shares any similarities . The guitar may be a little too prominent in the song- tell me what you think. Also, I should mention that
the Chorus doesn't really function as a Chorus here. I might spice that up or move things around.

Glass Of Sorrow (song Idea, raw recording) by Aaron Chap | Free Listening on SoundCloud

Here are the lyrics (yet to change the second verse. Still deciding on something for that)

You're a fine glass of wine. Oh, but you taste so sweet.
You're a tall glass of sorrow. Oh, but you taste so sweet.
And if I wasn't always drinking, I might know, how you poison me so. How you poison me so.

Chorus:

A sip here and there leaves me shaking at the knees.
When the glass is all empty I feel guilty for the need.
You wash away, wash away, wash away the care.
And by such cavalier, I've learnt only to despair.

Cause you're a

Fine glass of wine. Oh, but you taste so sweet.
You're a tall glass of sorrow. Oh, but you taste so sweet.
And if I wasn't always drinking, I might know how you poison me so. How you poison me so.

Chorus:

Cause a sip here and there leaves me shaking at the knees.
When the glass is all empty I feel guilty for the need.
You wash away, wash away, wash away the care.
And by such cavalier, I've learnt only to despair.

Cause you're a fine glass of wine to me, the most expensive wine there is. An expensive glass of sorrow, something that I should never miss.
But, if there's one thing I know for certain from such a mystery. It's that when I'm finally feeling happy, you're nowhere to be seen.

 

[B~Rock]

I'd focus on the song as a whole first if I were you, so the perhaps too prominent guitar isn't of importance at this stage, you shouldn't worry about that until mixing a final version. At current I'd say that the first mission would be to introduce a chorus, and build some tension in the song. Right now you have a verse part (which is fine), but the song's not really going anywhere (the sort of chorus that you have now isn't cutting it either). Use different chords, use the same but with a different sound, add some instruments along the way, just anything to make it progress.

 

[YellowDwarf]

I like the song!

Regarding the playing, it's rough and you can do a better job playing/recording it. Like getting rid of the mistakes, etc.

Lyric wise, I love what you've done - how you've mixed the poisons of alcohol alongside a bad relationship with a beautiful woman. Kudos to you! I feel the singer's need. We've all met a person like that.

Regarding the mix, the vox are way too far forward. And it sounds like you haven't used any eq anywhere at all.

This song has potential if you can manage to take your time and play it and sing it well.

Timbo