this is my last broken heart

C

cantthinkofname

Active member
this is my last broken heart
i'm gonna do things differently this time
i'm gonna do things differently this tiiiiiiiiiiiime

no need for words, this is my last broken heart
no need for words, this is my last borken heeeaaaaaaaarrrrtt

differently this time
differently this tiiiiiiiiime
this tiiiiiiiiiime this tiiiiiiiiiiime

broken heart
last broken heart
broken heart
 
The title is a great hook and I was really looking forward to something very clever - however, the sparseness of the lyrics left me wanting more.

If I came up with a title that good - I would make a real effort to develop a much story line. You could have something good with some serious effort.
 
Good topic/title/hook for a song. Keep what's there and add to it gradually. In no time you'll have it all down.
 
xdrummer i wanted to apologize for writing only that, i was in a hurry and didn't make it clear what i meant. i was thinking of it as some sort of a twist later in the song, but not sure anymore. it just struck me you might have thought i meant it toward you lol, hope you didn't take it that way and thanks again. i've got a little more i think i might add to it, but not sure yet. sometimes i'm stuck between leaving things simple and sometimes not.

jdoraz, how about this then:

when your salt poured into my heart there was nothing left to burn this time, it just dissolved in the void you left there, like salty sandunes through time, your my last broken heart, salty will never rip my world apart

do you smell the salty eyeballs burning on the horizon?
do you smell the salty eyeballs burning on the horizon?

:laughings:

thank you ido, i kind of liked the hook, just needs a little more, i'll keep working on it thanks:)
 
No need for apology - I did not think there was any thing directed at me.

I think "last broken heart" could allow for alot of various ways to take a story.

If I had a hook that good - I would make the first verse about the first broken heart - perhaps some discriptive lines about the cute little blond cheer leader in the short hoop skirt who dated the quarterback instead of me.

Then maybe a second verse about the next broken heart - maybe the brunette waitress with the steel blue eyes who moved out and took my favorite guitar.

In the chorus I would explain what I'm gonna do differently - perhaps I'm gonna become a love em and leave em musician with a girl in every city - or I'm gonna join the army to get away from cheatin' women, or become a priest.

While I understand that somethings can and maybe should be left simple - sometimes that's simply an easy way to avoid making the effort - and this is a good enough hook to make the effort.

Often when writing a song - giving your listener some discriptive images or more insight into the charactor(s) allows the listener to better relate. We've all had broken hearts - but to have a charactor (or yourself) simply say I've had my heart broken and it's the last time....without being willing to bare more soul or share more of the thoughts/story - can leave the listener empty and disinterested.

I hope you choose to work on this hook...................or let me have it and I'll send something to my publisher within 2 weeks:D
 
Xdrummer said:
If I had a hook that good - I would make the first verse about the first broken heart - perhaps some discriptive lines about the cute little blond cheer leader in the short hoop skirt who dated the quarterback instead of me.
Click to expand...

Holy crap, You're actually Taylor Swift aren't you?
 
Xdrummer said:
No need for apology - I did not think there was any thing directed at me.

I think "last broken heart" could allow for alot of various ways to take a story.

If I had a hook that good - I would make the first verse about the first broken heart - perhaps some discriptive lines about the cute little blond cheer leader in the short hoop skirt who dated the quarterback instead of me.

Then maybe a second verse about the next broken heart - maybe the brunette waitress with the steel blue eyes who moved out and took my favorite guitar.

In the chorus I would explain what I'm gonna do differently - perhaps I'm gonna become a love em and leave em musician with a girl in every city - or I'm gonna join the army to get away from cheatin' women, or become a priest.

While I understand that somethings can and maybe should be left simple - sometimes that's simply an easy way to avoid making the effort - and this is a good enough hook to make the effort.

Often when writing a song - giving your listener some discriptive images or more insight into the charactor(s) allows the listener to better relate. We've all had broken hearts - but to have a charactor (or yourself) simply say I've had my heart broken and it's the last time....without being willing to bare more soul or share more of the thoughts/story - can leave the listener empty and disinterested.

I hope you choose to work on this hook...................or let me have it and I'll send something to my publisher within 2 weeks:D
Click to expand...

hi xdrummer, i am female so your lyrics wouldn't work for me lol:) i'd have to switch them around, although if you want you could write yours and i'll work on mine and then we can see what we both come up with. i'll try to finish it in 2 weeks:)

i have written very long songs some 2-3 pages before, and because i am too stupidly picky i've thrown them away, and now i want them back again, because i feel like i've allready written about everything under the sun.

anyhow if you do send something to your publisher and its successful that would be great:):D good luck, just don't forget to show it to me because i want to hear it thanks:)
 
xdrummer, i've given up on this song. i don't like to force things, i like it when it happens naturally, sometimes i finish a song years after i started it and then it all finally clicks together, sometimes its done in 5 minutes. yesterday i was listening to some older guitar recordings i made on a camera and all of a sudden i wrote 6 or 7 songs to the recordings, it just happened & i like it better that way. i was pretty happy about that yesterday, but i still can't finish this song. so i really hope you make something out of it, and post it up good luck:):D
 
Kingofpain678 said:
Holy crap, You're actually Taylor Swift aren't you?
Click to expand...

As a song writer - I work very hard to write songs my publisher can place (I enjoy those BMI checks coming in each year).

I would consider it a huge professional accomplishment to have a song good enough to get cut by Taylor Swift (or any major artist)
 
cantthinkofname said:
xdrummer, i've given up on this song. i don't like to force things, i like it when it happens naturally, sometimes i finish a song years after i started it and then it all finally clicks together, sometimes its done in 5 minutes. yesterday i was listening to some older guitar recordings i made on a camera and all of a sudden i wrote 6 or 7 songs to the recordings, it just happened & i like it better that way. i was pretty happy about that yesterday, but i still can't finish this song. so i really hope you make something out of it, and post it up good luck:):D
Click to expand...

If it isn't working for you - then you have to follow the muse. Thank you for being generous enough to allow me to try to create something from your idea!!!

For what it's worth - your hook inspired me. Anytime a writer or artist can inspire someone (in particular another writer or artist) - well, that's something to feel good about!
 
Xdrummer said:
If it isn't working for you - then you have to follow the muse. Thank you for being generous enough to allow me to try to create something from your idea!!!

For what it's worth - your hook inspired me. Anytime a writer or artist can inspire someone (in particular another writer or artist) - well, that's something to feel good about!
Click to expand...

i don't follow any mooses myself, but thanks anyways.:) goodluck:)
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top